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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to want to permanently come off FB? Has anyone managed it successfully?

106 replies

ILoveTotoro · 22/07/2020 17:50

For me, it is really not a good place at the moment. I think it can make people behave in a toxic way and I include myself in that

But at the same time I know I am absolutely addicted to it, I have been off less than a week and I am missing it like mad. but I am not missing the anxiety I feel when I am actually on it. But for some reason I have serious FOMO. I don't even know why, as I am in touch with the ones I want to be in touch with on whats app and texts etc. and I still have instagram but I find that a nicer space for some reason.

I was a smoker for years and quit, cold turkey, ten years ago ....and for me, this is way way harder than quitting the cigs was. So was just wondering if anyone else has completely quit fb and if it gets easier (please say yes) and also if anyone has any tips or advice.

OP posts:
SionnachGlic · 23/07/2020 00:10

Never was on FB & don't feel like I've missed out on anything IRL. Occasionally berated by friends & family (esp those abroad) that I'm missing out but I don't need to know abt every event. I still see/speak to whomever I need to... only SM I'm on is LinkedIn..for work. Stay off it, spend that time actually meeting a real life person!

BackforGood · 23/07/2020 00:33

YANBU to stop using it altogether and delete your account if you want to
But equally YWNBU to limit it. Previous posters have suggested various ways they do that.

However, I don't recognise what you describe.
I use Facebook a lot - check in every day. But I don't have anyone 'toxic' in my feed. If people started posting things that wound me up, then I would just unfriend those people . Doesn't happen a lot, as I only accept friends requests from people I know and like. If it turns out they have a different personna on-line, then I would remove them from my friends list. No drama. No toxicity.

peakygal · 23/07/2020 00:44

I was a massive Facebook user. Regularly posted but not private stuff. Memes, songs the odd pic etc. I joined in 2009. I couldn't go 5 mins without it then one evening almost 2 months ago I went on and it was all negative stuff. Same people complaining or fighting or judging and I thought nah this isn't for me anymore and closed my page. I don't miss it at all. Haven't had any urge to go back on. Im genuinely surprised as are a lot of people 😂 But I swear I feel a bit more free in the mind of bad thoughts. I feel kind of happier in myself and I don't know if its a coincidence or what

hypernova · 23/07/2020 01:17

I deactivated it for the first month of lockdown and wasn't tempted at all to log back in, but I went back on because I do enjoy a lot of the groups on there and also our village FB group keeps me up-to-date with things before the council do. For instance our bin collections have changed during lockdown and I only found out because of FB. Two weeks later the council finally emailed about it. So if you're not on FB you wouldn't have a clue. Not a big deal obviously but I do dislike that many businesses or local venues use FB as their only means of communication or advertisement, so without it you're out of the loop.

Original poster
ILoveTotoro · 23/07/2020 07:46

@stopgap

I deleted mine three years ago. I do have an IG account, but keep it small (200 followers, all people I know) and post infrequently. Plus, for me personally, it isn’t as addictive a platform as Facebook.
Yes instagram is definitely not as addictive for some reason! I wonder why that is
OP posts:
Heartlake · 23/07/2020 07:51

A colleague one said to me he has a rule of not being FB friends with Ashton you wouldn't stop and have a chat with in the street.

I regularly snooze/hide certain individuals!

We have family overseas so it's great for that.

Set yourself some boundaries and stick to them e.g go on once or twice a day only, don't scroll through comments, hide/unfriend anyone's posts that upset you.

Heartlake · 23/07/2020 07:51

*anyone

Flynn999 · 23/07/2020 07:53

Deleted mine about 3 years ago. I felt I was spending too much time on it.

I probably have lost contact with some people, but I probably only spoke to 10 people out of 200 ish people. Most of them were people I went to school with or people I had previously worked with.

I do find it has its uses (Facebook marketplace, toddler groups and companies who don’t have a website!) I do now have a fake profile which is my first name and my middle name so I can look for companies etc, but I don’t have a picture on it, or friends. I literally needed it to find a bouncy castle company for ds. Once his birthday is over I’ll delete it again.

I don’t really miss it. Took a while to get used to not logging in constantly.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 23/07/2020 07:55

Im getting really close to deleting my fb account...im sick to death of my feed being clogged up with mlm scams 'can i have more info pls hun'.
Or vague job adverts that ask you to message them for more info....usually mlm or some other scammy scheme.

LagunaBubbles · 23/07/2020 07:58

Its not compulsory . A large proportion of MN not only hates FB but generally come across as smug and superior because they don't use it and think they are better than everyone who does. Not everyone but you see it time and time again on these threads. As I said its not compulsory. If you feel anxious using it then why would you its not for you.

FaceOfASpink · 23/07/2020 08:03

Deactivated mine a couple of years ago because I was plain sick of the needy and the boastful. It was just a meaningless PR vehicle for people's lives. I needed to set up a different account to join a hobby group that runs via FB but not under my real name and it's locked down to that group. Even then I'm handy with the snooze button.

FedUp196 · 23/07/2020 08:05

I came off about 2 years ago and feel sooo much better for it! I recently logged back in because I wanted to look for a photo and it made me feel a bit sick, was relieved to press the deactivate button again!

AhBallix · 23/07/2020 08:30

I only have a handful of friends on my FB, most of them halfway across the world. I have unfollowed the younger relations who litter my feed with selfies and ridiculous cheery memes. It's good for following organisations or people whose opinions I'm interested in. And it was brilliant when my son was going through the transfer test (I'm in NI) as the support page was invaluable for advice and tips. I like my local community page, even the rants about dog shit and bad parking!

It's all kept very small, if that makes sense, and is probably the only tidy area of my life! If anyone starts getting on my nerves, I unfollow them.

My SIL deleted her account because she went full tilt, posting photos of her healthy smoothies and her opinions about controversial subjects in the news, then couldn't cope when her friends left jokey comments or didn't agree with her. Her comments were ripped apart a few times, but that's what happens if you put yourself out there. It's not all 'I totally agree, hun'.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing though.

SantaClaritaDiet · 23/07/2020 09:25

Is there a way of using it differently instead?

of course there is. Only have REAL friends and close family on it for a start. Use a nickname so you can't be found, and only follow people who you will be happy to have staying at your house for a weekend.

Accept that people can post whatever the hell they want, and you can scroll away. Many people use FB to store some photos and have memories to look back on - because they pop on your newsfeed a few years later. It's not all about bragging.

There are very useful local sites for those who are interested, much more up-to-date than websites.

If you don't like FB, stay away. If you don't like MN, stay away too!
You can use both without damaging your own mental health though, especially FB, unless you make it a competition there won't be one.

Rhynswynd · 23/07/2020 09:43

I am seriously considering deactivating my account. I am addicted to it.

In preparation I have downloaded all of my data which includes all of the photos and videos.

I am going to put up a message for anyone to add me on what's app to stay in touch and I'm out of it.

Rainbow12e · 23/07/2020 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FedUp196 · 23/07/2020 11:28

Actually I just realised this may be a good place to ask— has anyone who has come off Facebook (or otherwise) figured out a good way to download all of the photos they’re tagged in? I downloaded the ones I’d posted myself but I was tagged in some great photos belonging to other people and not sure if there’s a way to get these off in one go? I know I could save each one individually but there are hundreds. There are a few things that come up on a Google search but they look a bit complicated/dodgy.

Redcrayons · 23/07/2020 11:38

There’s a few groups which only run on FB and I dont want to leave them.

I culled a load of people I’m not in touch with any more and unfollow people at the first sign of attention seeking or sharing dodgy memes.

I deleted the app off my phone over Christmas and new year but I find that time a bit difficult. It has sneaked its way back on though.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 23/07/2020 11:42

I only got it a year ago, always late to the party🤣🤣

I mainly use it for crochet groups, couldn't delete it because of that. I'm also nosy and it's useful for that🤣

I guess I'm fortunate in that I don't have that many people on it and it's all very low key.

I think if you've done it, you need to ride it out, you will adjust, it wil, just take time.

Original poster
ILoveTotoro · 23/07/2020 17:48

I will miss my groups ! I'm in a couple of really great ones
But I just feel if I stay on (even if I unfollow everyone) I'll still be tempted to look at stuff and post stuff

My trouble is if I'm angry about something i had a habit of taking to fb to rant about it and it looks bad Blush esp if it's current affairs stuff that's divisive

and then if good stuff happens I post about that too. And then worry it could look like I'm showing off.

Thanks everyone for all the replies it's been really great food for thought

OP posts:
Original poster
ILoveTotoro · 23/07/2020 17:48

But I'm now on day 6 and haven't logged in so that's positive - it will soon be a week!

OP posts:
Chocoholic12 · 23/07/2020 18:25

Yes. No fb/social media and no mobile phone! Just had email and house phone. I have a mobile now but I didn't for about 4 years. Absolutely loved it. Was pressured into getting a mobile i would happily bin it (I'm 31 years old now so my friends think I'm weird as anything)

Ashdownstar · 23/07/2020 18:52

I deleted mine, then weakened and reactivated it, only to feel overwhelmed by all the noise on there, and now it's just deactivated. (Even if you delete, you can reactivate for up to 30 days)
I don't enjoy it and always feel 'off' after looking at it, but I keep it there just in case I need to look something up /contact someone.
As for any addiction, I think sometimes it takes a few goes to quit for good.
I will probably fully delete in a few months time.
I have taken to making more effort with face to face connection, even if its only a daily 'micro connection' like passing a few friendly words with a stranger.
Apparently RL connections are very powerful in maintaining cognitive health; much more so than digital connections, if you need inspiration to do it.

Original poster
ILoveTotoro · 29/07/2020 14:22

Just an update it's coming up for 2 weeks now since I decided to quit and I have stayed off

I am also feeling slightly better FOMO wise!

OP posts:
Whenwillow · 29/07/2020 14:33

Well done @ILoveTotoro
I've deleted mine too and it does get easier. I much prefer MN discussion anyway.