To ask why he’s doing this now?

[Enoughnowstop]

Long story short, ex had affair, very difficult divorce, lies upon lies, in and out of court over the children for a couple of years, no maintenance paid in 10 years, 18 months where he cut contact with the children but all has been ok since.

In the early days, he used to deliberately empty the contents of his car into our bins and then use any empty bottle of wine or pizza box as a means by which to accuse me of something. It stopped, things settled, life moved on.

Last year my mum died. When my dad died he behaved appallingly (it’s a long story and caused my family and I untold distress and upset) so I was naturally wary of letting him know of funeral details etc. As the children are now older anyway, I took the opportunity to stop going to the door when he picked them up and effectively all but cut contact with him.

Last few months, the bin thing has started up again. I have actually watched him pull up, search around in his car and then dump the stuff in the bin. He lingers at the bin (I use black bags so there is nothing to see, although the recycling is visible).

So, AIBU’ers what do you reckon is going on?! AIBU to be amused and perturbed all at the same time?!

Get a camera up to record him doing it. Then go to the police and use it as evidence that he is harassing you.

Yes, get camera footage and then go to the police. It's not harmless, it's flat out weird and wrong.

Put bin locks on 😂 if he asks just say some weirdo kept putting stuff in your bin.

You need to go grey rock. How's he still communicating with you?

I like the idea of bin locks. There is really very little need for communication but by text if necessary.

I agree film him doing it, even on your phone at the window. Then move your bins away, round the back or garage etc when he's due to come.
It's control. You've taken control away so this is his way of continuing to twist the knife and get to you.

Definitely use bin locks. I would want to see his expression when he couldn't get in.

Really if you could record him doing it first it might help if he moves onto some other thing. It's weird so who knows what his state of mind is like.

That is really really odd. Sounds like mental health problems. Isnt it illegal to go through other people's bins? Is he coming onto your property to do this? I would do as others say and record him and go to the police. Or at least warn him that you will if he doesnt stop. Quite worrying OP.

I really don’t want to move the bins. They work well for me where they are. Control, yes. I suspect that’s it. Not much to control out of a black bin bag though! Might be time for a ring doorbell...

Put loads of used sex toys and empty lube tubes on the top of your rubbish next time he comes over and record his face.

I bet my life that he's heard from someone that you're seeing someone. That's why it's started up again.

He doesn't like that he can't control you, and that you are happy without him. It's quite pathetic really, if that is the only thing he can do.

Definitely get bin locks!

My OH ex used to do this.
She would look in the bins and make comments, or throw her stuff in the bins. :/

We have a drive before the path up to the house, so we could never see her doing it. I did catch her once though, she crapped her pants when I opened the door and shouted 'Hiya'. Weird!
Again, it's control.
Keep a note of it, any photographic or video evidence and if it carries on go to the Police.
I like the idea of filling it with random stuff to give him a real shock!! :)

Just leave a piece of paper on the top of your rubbish saying “how much of a weirdo does someone have to be to root through their ex’s bin?? Smile you’re on camera. Wondering whether to put you on Facebook so friends can have a laugh.”

Alternatively dump it back on his doorstep?

Then the following week put a lock on.

Take his rubbish out and get the kids to take it back

Get these. www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0041M8YBA/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_dabgFbP5V6M5K?tag=mumsnetforu03-21. They are contact alarms. They will scare the living shit out of him when he opens your bin.

I think it's the same sort of thing as when a dog pees where another dog has been.

It's saying 'this is my territory'.

What is he putting in your bin from his car?????

@PopsicleHustler. Just rubbish - mainly used coffee cups. Probably reminding me that life for him goes on as normal - I’ve not been able to afford coffee out in so, so many years now!

@TheBigFatMermaid alarm sounds like a good idea.

@Zaphodsotherhead I am most definitely not his territory!

WTF is it with ex's and bins?? My ex used to search my bins. Ugh.

I'd be tempted to do any of the following.

• put a note up saying "to the creep who keeps looking through my bins - smile you're on camera"
• depending on your current relationship be tempted to play dumb and text him saying you think there's some weirdo using your bins and potentially looking through them as you've noticed they're disturbed and can he be a bit vigilant when picking up/dropping off if he spots anyone hanging around
• leave evidence of a "romantic night" in the bins

But I'm a bit petty.

Lock and a camera. What a fucking nutter. I agree with others catch him in the act doing it first though in case you need to show a pattern of harassment and he moves onto something else.

@PopPopPopPopPop I am actually pleased to hear that from you and another poster. I guess it’s about finding evidence? I suspect he doesn’t know what evidence he’s looking for, but evidence nonetheless! It does suggest some kind of hanging on, not letting go, can’t move on thing which my eldest has identified several times in recent years and mentioned to me. I am a little concerned that this stopped and has started again - years later. It’s not normal, is it?

He sounds really pathetic op. I'd film him too and report it.