OH’s needy parents

[Pashad]

Need to know what he is doing everyday. Hear phone going off several times a day everyday . Texts and calls . Needy parents wanting to know what he is doing everyday , even mundane shit like having a run or going shopping .

They needed to know what I was doing to but I don’t allow that shit anymore .

AIBU to think this is weird ?

They sound very annoying but neither of those things are actually untrue. In the same way that your parents might say your DH has fathered their grandchild or he has joined their family.

It’s probably the way it was said though.

As they say frequently on this site, you have a DP problem. He's enabling them and it won't stop unless he grows a backbone and puts in some boundaries. Is he afraid to stand up to them? They desperately need some hobbies or interests to take their focus off you and him.

You call him OH rather than DH. Maybe point out to his parents that you haven't actually joined his family as you're not married.

Sorry we are married . But as I’ve seen it , I’ve created my own family with him ... not become another families grand child bearing possession !!

Well the children are 50% yours so that argument falls over.

You need to tell your family to stop providing information because it's making your life a complete misery.

Your H needs to tell them that you aren't going to share every fart and sniffle of your lives, and that if they don't back off then they'll be placed on an information diet - and be told next to nothing. Requests for links to houses that you are interested in etc., should be ignored.

He’s tried that . It hasn’t worked . Since lockdown worse than ever

You don't have a an in laws problem you have a OH problem.It's because your OH won't grow a backbone and stand up to them that you have this problem.

He needs to tell them your children have 2 parents,2 sets of grandparents and 2 families,they don't need to know where you are,as long as OH knows then they don't need to and they need to back off.

I suspect the reason your FIL is rude to you is because you won't allow yourself to be controlled by a pair of bored old farts with nothing better to do.

He's stood up to them and told them that you won't share any information if they carry on, and it's not stopped?

If that's the case then I presume you and he aren't telling them anything then?

Tbh I'm very close to my parents and talk to them every day. Group chat with my mum and sister. They generally know what we're up to, I send them lots of family pictures as does my sister (of hers)

OH talks to his parents probably once or twice a week on the phone and tells them what we've been doing. Chat and pictures on the group chat almost daily

So I don't think the daily contact is weird at all, nor would it be for anyone I know.

However they seem to be overstepping with the whole thing with your mum, and the 'you've joined our family' thing. Your husband needs to talk to them about that.

God terrible. My mam is needy. Quite a diva too if I dont pick up call. I told her dont presume am free. I had few bits sort this week. If she doesnt get me other sister is next. Pain ass. 70s. No advice its suffocating.

So what, specifically, is your problem?

I am in contact with my children most days
But usually a Facebook message .hello hows things .yous all ok yes all good .that's good how are granddaughters. They are all good maybe tell me if anything specific happened but dont ask about where they are been and no health questions about dil .jeezo that's a bit much .5mins at most on days I dont see them .

I don’t contact my 4 DC more than a couple of times a month. I don’t think it’s healthy to be messaging or calling everyday. What is there to talk about? They have their own lives. I assume all is well until I’m told otherwise.

Both adult DSs are in daily touch with me.

Usually a joke via messenger or sharing a news report of mutual interest. Both phone at least once a week. I don't expect them to, it's what they want to do. I always ask after their DPs. I don't think it's nosy, just showing an interest and caring about them.

Sometimes their DPs message me or call as well.

I don't understand people who think parents have to make an appointment to speak to their children. Usually they phone me but I have phoned them as well. Funnily enough they don't mind and neither do their partners because I chat to them as well.

It's what normal families do - stay in touch.

If my friend doesn't answer a call from her parents they call the children on their mobiles. Even at night. "We were worried when you didn't answer. Now that I've got you I must tell you what happened in the village the other day..."

Boundaries people. Impose them, enforce them.