OH’s needy parents

[Pashad]

Need to know what he is doing everyday. Hear phone going off several times a day everyday . Texts and calls . Needy parents wanting to know what he is doing everyday , even mundane shit like having a run or going shopping .

They needed to know what I was doing to but I don’t allow that shit anymore .

AIBU to think this is weird ?

Crackers. He needs to set some limits and you both need to communicate to your children that this level of monitoring is not acceptable. Besides, with all this what do they ever have to talk about if they already know every last thing!

Set boundaries. Don’t respond to all their calls. Get in the habit of only answering the phone once a day. Then maybe overtime wean it down to once every other day.

Maybe in lockdown they need the contact, so it may be polite to indulge their questions initially. However, after awhile, be more less descriptive. Ie. ‘Q - What have you been doing?”. A- “ This and that”.

My dh 'estranged' mother and sisters were like this until we changed our phone numbers and moved away.
They are still harassing my family for our numbers but they've agreed not to tell them and not to tell us about it all so we can forget them and get on with our lives.
You asked for some advice I would say eliminate the problem.

I hope your Mum has told your MIL to get lost.

This is ridiculously intrusive and controlling.

Your H needs to find his backbone and have a straight conversation with them. Then stop answering all of these calls and texts, and make it clear that the more they pry the less they'll be told.

There is nothing wrong with talking to your parents every day. I can't believe the full page of posts saying it's a nightmare. However being rude or judgemental is obviously the real issue.

He should start putting some boundaries in place with them. I speak to my mum everyday and she pretty much knows where I am, especially since lockdown

What exactly is the problem? They ring your DP a lot, but he hardly answers the phone. They wanted to know what you were doing all the time, but you asked him not to tell them and he doesn't?

I'm being obtuse, I'm just trying to get a handle on what the current problem is.

They sound nuts very odd. What does your partner think of this?

You can't do anything. It's your DH's problem, not yours.

1. ask dh to only answer the phone to them once per day. Put it on silent or leave it behind at other times. The collection of answerphone messages may help highlight how ridiculous the number of calls is.

Help them develop some hobbies/friendships so they don’t need to be as invested in your lives.

Agree to visit them with reasonable frequency; weekly/fortnightly/monthly as your schedule allows.

Make a similar commitment to your side and point out that you are being “fair”

I'm not sure whether your DH minds that they ring him. It's not clear from your posts. As long as he now doesn't tell them what you've done I'd leave him to it.
If it bothers him I would help him come up with strategies he can use to wean them off this.
I found asking my parents questions helped. Once they got used to not hearing what my day was like I reduced contact. I call them. They only call me in emergencies. I just didn't answer the phone when they rang and returned calls when it suited me. When they complained I said I was very busy and it would be easier for all if I call them when it suits.

I had this problem with my in-laws until I got very drunk one day and text them to tell them what I thought of their daily interference

However they seem to have backed off since.

It's your DH's choice how often he speaks to his parents.

I would however, next time MIL tried to call your mum. Get her to say something along the lines of
" I raised my daughter to be a grown woman to make her own decisions. She can go wherever she likes and see who ever she likes and doesn't need your permission. Please stop contacting me about these things. They are nothing to do with you or me"

Hopefully that will shut her up and keep her out of your business. That's exactly what my mother would say if anyone called her regarding my movements trying to police them.

My PIL were like that. They would face cam several times a day and wanted to know every detail of our existence . The face cam made it very intrusive as it was like they were right there. They had something negative to say about everything I did and it became clear that MIL felt she had to manage my parenting so that I did it the perfect way (ie her way).

I actually think it is a positive thing that parents keep in touch regularly with their adult children and I wanted to encourage this. However, I could no longer tolerate the constant critisim so no longer have a relationship with MIL.

My DH speaks to them a few times a week but they have calmed down on the critisim.

Yabu if you think he should have less contact just because.

Yanbu if the reason is they are horrible about you/negative about your decisions/telling you how you should live your life.

This used to happen to my now DH. Maybe not to your extent OP. But his parents could not do anything without telling him, consulting him or even sometimes have him sit on the phone while they do stuff and he would be told to sit and wait.
We live abroad and DH was constantly thinking about home, stressed out by the various things that his parents were putting on his shoulders and just not present with where we lived or me.
I basically said to him, if you want to live here with me, live here. If you continue to live your life through your parents then please move back in with them and put me out of my misery.
It was the wake up call he needed.
He changed behavior from that point onwards and realised how much they were draining him. However to my detriment he detached himself, because after we got engaged they caused a lot of trouble. My relationship with them still hasn’t repaired.
His sister now has an issue with him because their stress has now transferred to her.
I hate family drama.

Oh my god . My parents NEVER tell them to back off . Now THAT is a cultural thing . They actually feel sorry for them and let them get away with all of it ..because ‘ oh it’s their ONLY child ‘ .

The worst part is I don’t know what they are instructing him about ! Eg , when we were looking for a house to buy , they needed the web links to EVERYTHING we were looking at

When we had a baby , they wanted photos every day ( to circulate !)

They are angry with me because I said NO to the above . But now , the relationship is poor , but they STILL are getting on the phone to him and need to know things .

And god knows what they tell him .

And he's your ONLY husband.
Unless you get really pissed off!

Firstly your husband needs to ignore the texts and calls and tell them you’re busy. Next your mum needs to block their number as you or she does not have to give her any information. Your husband needs to sit down and tell them to stop.

Are they jealous because they think your DPs are getting more time/visits?

They believe my children are their family and not Mine

What do you mean? What exactly do they say?

Ah some bloody sexist shit about how I’ve bore THEIr grandchildren And this is THEIR family That I’ve joined