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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without DSS

78 replies

Thestreets · 21/07/2020 11:22

We had planned to go on holiday for two weeks at the end of August/beginning of September as the kids were due back on the Monday. Now my DSS school has informed us they are to return on the Thursday so he will miss 2 days of school. He is 15.

His mum will absolutely not agree to missing two days of school - I personally think its a drop in the ocean when he has missed 4 months! My problem is DH will not go for less than 2 weeks as this may be our last holiday for two years for various reasons. We cannot go any earlier in the month.

AIBU to say we should go for 10 days then DSS can come with us? Or is DH right as he feels DSS mum is just putting another obstacle in our way (there is a long history)

For context I have DS 14 and DD7, me and DH have been together 10 years and I feel if we go without him he will feel pushed out which is something we have tried really hard not to happen as it so often does with blended families.

YANBU - go for ten days take DSS with you
YABU - go without DSS and fir 14 days as planned

OP posts:
Nottherealslimshady · 21/07/2020 12:35

Your DH prioritising himself having an extra 4 days on holiday over his son getting a holiday at all is really really dickish. He would rather his own son miss out entirely and feel pushed out than have a shorter holiday with all his family?

dontdisturbmenow · 21/07/2020 12:37

Surely at 15 he can fly back alone. Ultimately, it's up to him. How much does he want to go, how much would he be bothered to miss the first two days, does he mind flying on his own?

DiscBeard · 21/07/2020 12:41

Why can't he fly back alone and get a train home? He's 15, plenty old enough.

Ellisandra · 21/07/2020 12:42

I think send him back early, alone. So what if she won’t pick him up? Train / bus / taxi.
Only if there’s a good reason why you can just go out a few days earlier though.

I actually agree with her about not missing school, despite the term off. Maybe moreso because of it - those first days back will be an experience!

Frazzled2207 · 21/07/2020 12:44

if it's doable I would send him home early if that's practically doable. If he needs to fly I would do that at 15 - I got on planes by myself at about 12. You'd just need to arrange someone to pick him up the other end,

Apolloanddaphne · 21/07/2020 12:44

A 10 day holiday will be fine.

Hotpinkparade · 21/07/2020 12:48

He's 15, can't he just fly back on his own a little earlier?

AlternativePerspective · 21/07/2020 12:48

Firstly, two days at the start of year eleven after they’ve been off since March is important. In fact I think two days at the start of any school year given the pandemic is important, not just for school purposes but in order to get back on track with friends, rebuild social connections etc. If your DH is prioritising a holiday over his child then he’s a twat, and it may explain why the mum is potentially obstructive.

Secondly, There is no way on this earth I would be booking a holiday abroad at the moment. While I am very much for the world opening back up, fact is that isolated outbreaks are pushing parts of the world back into lockdown again, Barcelona for e.g. is back in lockdown, also, masks are compulsory in most of Europe, not just in shops but everywhere and anyone who wants to go to the US needs to get their head read...

I’m guessing it is abroad since you make reference to the airport, where did you want to go?

TBH I wouldn’t be keen to let my DS go abroad at the moment regardless of the school issue, and I have never been obstructive before. But equally my eXH wouldn’t be considering going abroad in the middle of a pandemic where other countries’ restrictions are unknown and constantly changeable.

Northernlights855 · 21/07/2020 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

excuseforfights · 21/07/2020 12:50

Sorry to ask the obvious as Im sure you’ve considered it but is there anyway to start the holiday earlier and have the full 2 weeks with DSS?

Poppyismyfavourite · 21/07/2020 12:51

Where are you going? Can he not fly alone as pp have said?
I flew alone for the first time at 11 and I was fine. My Dad took me to the airport and my gran picked me up, and I had a list of what to do.

custardbear · 21/07/2020 12:54

I'd check with the school and see if they are definitely back the Thursday

If yes then I'd be booking 10 days - if there's already tension with the ex wife then don't give her extra fuel and ammunition to say either they don't love the son enough to change the holiday, or the opposite your dad and wife made DS miss school and now he's struggling ... just change it to 10 days

user1493413286 · 21/07/2020 12:55

I would do the 10 days; DSDs mum is very similar in terms of putting obstacles in the way and as frustrating as it is our priority is always making sure DSD feels that we bend over backwards to include her and that if she doesn’t get to come somewhere it’s not due to us

ArfArfBarf · 21/07/2020 13:00

Presumably your dh could have checked the term dates himself before it got to this stage.

okiedokieme · 21/07/2020 13:09

Is it booked, if not can't you just go earlier!

HugeAckmansWife · 21/07/2020 13:11

ArfArf - usually yes, but the dates are changing a lot at the moment due to covid and arrangements being changed depending on the latest tranche of advice / guidance

rookiemere · 21/07/2020 13:13

You're very dismissive about your Dss schooling. DS 14 is also due to start on a Thursday and we had to change holiday dates because it was earlier than originally planned. After missing months of schooling I'd be damned if my DC was going to miss out on his first opportunity to be back with his pals and actually receive an education. Also there will be changes to layouts and how they do things, so it's important that he's there for it.

Him traveling back early seems like obvious solution.

youhave4substitutes · 21/07/2020 13:18

Why can't you go 2 days earlier?

Original poster
Thestreets · 21/07/2020 13:23

Thanks for all the comments. I am certainly not dismissive about DSS schooling! This was planned as originally the school was open to only year 7 and 12 for the first two days and open back up to the rest of the school on the 7th otherwise we wouldn't have consider it.

Secondly I'm not going to get into a discussion about whether people think its safe or not, we all have differing opinions on that and me and DH have worked flat out since March and we have made the decision as a family we are taking a holiday abroad this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thestreets · 21/07/2020 13:24

@youhave4substitutes

Why can't you go 2 days earlier?
Unfortunately these are the only two weeks we could get annual leave together so going earlier is not an option.
OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 21/07/2020 13:26

You have t responded as to why he can'tt return in his own.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 21/07/2020 13:26

Is there absolutely no way he could fly home by himself? At that age I flew to/from my Grandparents by myself every summer, and DS14 here has done the same several times - from a parents point of view it's very safe and he's happy doing it, so it makes sense.

Original poster
Thestreets · 21/07/2020 13:27

I dont like the idea of him going home earlier as it still feels like we all get to stay and have fun and he has to leave early! I'll speak to DH tonight, i think the only option is 10 days

OP posts:
pussycatinboots · 21/07/2020 13:28

DH and DSS go for 10 days.
You and the other kids stick to the original 14.

Original poster
Thestreets · 21/07/2020 13:29

@dontdisturbmenow

You have t responded as to why he can'tt return in his own.
I think if it was just him then that would be option, but to go home knowing his brother and sister get to stay on with me and his dad doesn't sit right with me
OP posts:
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