Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not give ds fruit?

55 replies

Soubriquet · 21/07/2020 09:43

Ds (5) has had an attitude problem lately. We are working hard to snap this out of him

His latest trick is to say he has a tummy ache when he doesn’t want to eat his food.

He tried it this morning and I warned him full out, that if he didn’t eat his breakfast he was getting nothing until dinner time. No snacks, no fruit, nothing,

He agreed and put his cereal in the bin.

Dd came down and asked for crisps which I said no to, but allowed her to have an apple as she had eaten all her breakfast.

Ds just tried to get food out of me but rubbing his belly and looking at me with big puppy eyes.

I’ve refused him anything as he agreed he wouldn’t get anything if he didn’t eat his breakfast. Which he didn’t

He went upstairs in a sulk....

So AIBU to stand firm on not giving him anything even if it’s fruit?

OP posts:
ButteryPuffin · 21/07/2020 09:46

If dinner time is evening time then that's a bit much. I would allow fruit.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 21/07/2020 09:47

Dinner is lunch here!

Should have made that clear

Dinner is lunch

And the other is tea time

OP posts:
Marmite27 · 21/07/2020 09:48

Assuming dinner time is not an evening meal, YANBU.

Zany15 · 21/07/2020 09:48

You are quite right not to go back on your word. He will not starve by waiting until lunchtime, and he will realise that you mean what you say. Also, I would be having very stern words about the tummy ache, if this is untrue. But I would also give him one other option for breakfast, or at least let him choose between two options before you make it.

SepticTankYank · 21/07/2020 09:50

Good on you! He made his proverbial bed.

He won't die but he will learn a lesson he will learn no other way.

I sound like a tyrant, I'm not!

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2020 09:50

You might need to stop giving him negative attention around food I get if he doesn't eat his meals its bloody frustrating but he has got into the habit of winding you up and controlling the situation., you need to draw back don't make a fuss about food and give him fruit if he asks he is testing boundary.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 21/07/2020 09:53

He is allowed to choose what he wants for breakfast so this isn’t my fault

We have various cereals that he likes and he can choose what he wants. I occasionally offer toast but not often

OP posts:
concernedforthefuture · 21/07/2020 09:55

I think he's fine to wait; he won't starve. But don't make a big thing of it by give him unnecessary attention or making to seem like a punishment. A simple explanation for not letting him have a snack - "let your poorly tummy have a rest so it will feel better by dinner time" is enough.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 21/07/2020 09:57

I don’t normally make an issue. I’m just fed up of it now because it seems to be every day he’s pushing this tummy ache thing.

Today I just gave him a firm warning so I’m hoping once he realises I mean it, he won’t be so quick to do it again.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 21/07/2020 09:57

I don't think it's a fault it is a battle of wills though and children will soak up any attention even if they are being told off or being told no, his behaviour is part of him growing up and trying to get a bit of control.

mrpumblechook · 21/07/2020 09:58

I suppose it is best to do what you have threatened but I don't see why you would make that threat in the first place. If you would normally give a snack between breakfast and lunch I don't see why you wouldn't if he didn't want any breakfast.

TheFaerieQueene · 21/07/2020 09:59

I’d say he had to see the doctor if he keeps having a tummy ache. 😈

Sunnydayshereatlast · 21/07/2020 09:59

Ime the best way to get the best behaviour long term is don't give out idle threats.
So today it really is nothing until lunchtime...
*6 dc over 18 here!!

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2020 09:59

One of my dds it was a sore head mummy my head hurts..drove me nuts!

puzzledpiece · 21/07/2020 10:00

Yanbu. It's a fight worth having.

GrumpyHoonMain · 21/07/2020 10:01

I think it’s fine.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 21/07/2020 10:02

Fruit is better for him than cereal. Why not let him have a fruit salad with plain yogurt for breakfast - or indeed just an apple?

Original poster
Soubriquet · 21/07/2020 10:04

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

Fruit is better for him than cereal. Why not let him have a fruit salad with plain yogurt for breakfast - or indeed just an apple?
He would hate that.

He never normally wants fruit and I have to make him have it instead of things like biscuits or crisps.

He only wanted fruit because dd had it.

On the other hand dd would love that for breakfast. Might have to get yoghurt in for her to do it

OP posts:
ThatBitch · 21/07/2020 10:06

I don't think you should go back on your word. Maybe aim for a slightly earlier lunch (1130/45 ish) but he won't starve. Offer lots of water. My ds can be fussy. I let him choose whatever he likes for breakfast, toast, cereal, fruit, ham sandwich etc. If he doesn't eat it then that's that.

CallarMorvern · 21/07/2020 10:09

My gut reaction is stick to your guns (and tell him about the little boy who cried wolf). But my niggling doubt is, my daughter has never been good with breakfast, it was a battle of wills with us for a while. Now that's she older she says she's always felt sick at eating food first thing. She just has something to eat at break time and I feel a bit guilty making an issue of it when she was younger. Some people just aren't breakfast people.

Original poster
Soubriquet · 21/07/2020 10:11

@CallarMorvern

My gut reaction is stick to your guns (and tell him about the little boy who cried wolf). But my niggling doubt is, my daughter has never been good with breakfast, it was a battle of wills with us for a while. Now that's she older she says she's always felt sick at eating food first thing. She just has something to eat at break time and I feel a bit guilty making an issue of it when she was younger. Some people just aren't breakfast people.
That I understand but normally he’s the first demanding breakfast

We have had times when he’s said he isn’t hungry yet, and we’ve said “ok. Wait until you’re hungry and then get breakfast”

That’s fine.

It’s when he says he’s hungry and then won’t eat his breakfast and chucking it in the bin before asking not one hour later for more food

OP posts:
Staplemaple · 21/07/2020 10:12

Perhaps having breakfast a bit later whilst he's home? I never used to eat breakfast as I always felt sick in the mornings and couldn't face food, but I was always forced to eat it or couldn't have anything until lunchtime because it was seen as me just being awkward.

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2020 10:12

My youngest dd didn't like breakfast early and I don't either I can't eat first thing I usually have some orange juice.

FrenchBoule · 21/07/2020 10:18

Stick to your guns OP.

He wanted breakfast(so I’d assume he was ready for it), he chose it then binned it and asked an hour later for a fruit?

Eerm,no.

He’s not going to starve but will remember the lesson(hopefully)

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 21/07/2020 10:21

Callar yep my DD never wanted breakfast even though she ate pretty much anything at other times. I also made her right through primary, but now wonder why on earth I did - she is much happier taking a couple of crisp breads with cheese or some fruit to eat at break, and at home doesn't eat til she's been up a few hours either (teen now).

My youngest is fussy but I decided from the start never to make it a battle having seen the absolute circus of my mother dealing with my younger sister's fussyness. My younger sister ended up with a life threatening eating disorder when food became her way of controlling the world in her teens.

I always offer porridge or an apple as the alternative, otherwise the food is all in the middle and everyone helps themselves, only rule being everyone eats a few vegetables minimum!

Youngest is 9 now and has to make his own porridge if he wants that. He also sometimes opts for the veggie option eldest now makes herself if I'm doing meat. He eats far more things than he used to but still won't touch pasta or rice. I'm not going to ever make a drama of it, he just makes himself a bowl of porridge if we're having pasta.

Swipe left for the next trending thread