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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you believe your husband/partner...

83 replies

HulaHoopFingers · 20/07/2020 17:54

...when he says things like “You’re the most beautiful woman in the world!” ?

Do you think he really means it?

My husband has been saying stuff like that for 15 years. Then yesterday I was joking about how he couldn’t get a more beautiful woman than me and he said there were loads of more beautiful women out there. I said “That’s not what you usually say”. He said, “You didn’t really believe that, did you?”

But I did.

Not that I was literally the most beautiful woman in the world (very, very, very far from it) but that I was to him.

I don’t know why but I felt really hurt. I guess it’s because something has changed in our relationship if he can’t even be bothered to lie about my attractiveness anymore!

AIBU to be upset?

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 20/07/2020 18:48

It is hurtful yes. You say you were being jokey but were you really having just a tiny bit of a pop about the gaming?

What he said was cruel. I think he took your gaming comment as a dig and responded in a petty way.

category12 · 20/07/2020 18:48

It sounds like he wasn't joining in with the joky conversation from the start - he was answering you seriously throughout and then was a bit mean - perhaps you weren't "reading the room".

I think he thought you were having a go at him for gaming under the guise of "banter" and he was gradually getting more and more pissed off with the conversation, so said something quite hurtful.

Original poster
HulaHoopFingers · 20/07/2020 18:52

Yes I can see that but I don’t think he was trying to get back at me or be hurtful. He just said it matter-of-factly: I am not the most beautiful woman in the world and it was silly of me to believe that he could think so when it’s so obviously not true.

OP posts:
fatgirlslimmer · 20/07/2020 18:54

You had a pop at him and he popped right back. You were joking but you meant it.

I honestly think he would struggle to find one that tries harder. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying that.

Do you believe this?

Original poster
HulaHoopFingers · 20/07/2020 18:58

Yes, why?

OP posts:
category12 · 20/07/2020 18:58

I think he did it to puncture you.

The matter of fact tone works better than obviously angry.

Menora · 20/07/2020 19:00

Aw yeah I would be really hurt

I don’t expect compliments but my boyfriend tells me all the time how much he loves my eyes/hands/bum/face but he’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever had who has said things that I think he means....

Flootered · 20/07/2020 19:03

I genuinely didn't realized there were so many men telling women they're the most beautiful woman in the world 😂 I thought that was just some typical movie cringe.
I'm even more agog that people believe them!
That kind of complement would do nothing for me 🤢 makes me think of some greasy bullshitting lathario!

Back to the point, OP it sounds like a joke that went too far. I wouldn't think so much into it!

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 20/07/2020 19:13

My DH says I’m the most beautiful wife he has! That way I know he’s telling the truth!

If he told me I was the most beautiful woman on the world he would be lying... my DH isn’t in the habit of lying....

Ohtherewearethen · 20/07/2020 19:13

The thing is, I doubt most women expect to be told by their partners that they think they are the most beautiful woman in the world as so few think they are, so it's not an expected requirement. So for him to say that to you so that you believe it and then cruelly sneer that you surely didn't believe him is really spiteful. He could show his love for you in so many ways without basically lying to you like that. What's his game? I don't blame you for being upset.

Getagripffs · 20/07/2020 19:15

I think that was really fucking horrible of him. What a bastard. To spend the relationship telling you he thinks something positive about you and then saying he never meant it!?

I'm sorry, I think he said that with the intent to humiliate you. I'd feel humiliated, and kicked in the gut. What a bastard.

Wearegoingtoneedabiggerboat · 20/07/2020 19:16

If DP said I was the most beautiful woman in the world I would know he was lying, it just wouldn’t be true. I don’t believe anyone would think they actually meant it.

fatgirlslimmer · 20/07/2020 19:23

@HulaHoopFingers

Yes, why?
Do you tell him often?

I think you were goading him and he bit and in that moment he wasn’t convinced you were the most beautiful woman in the world or the best wife he could get. But the other thousands of times he tells you that you are he means it.

But isn’t it true that it’s easy to focus on the one time a man says something negative rather than the hundred times he says something positive.

Delbelleber · 20/07/2020 19:27

I have noticed that when I saw myself in my (now ex) boyfriends mirrors in his house I looked more attractive and I think it's because it's how he made me feel.

I'm sure your boyfriend finds you very beautiful Flowers

PlanDeRaccordement · 20/07/2020 19:28

Everyone knows that is a sweet nothing.
And I would think less of my DH if I actually thought he loved me for being “most beautiful”
The whole idea that a woman’s value to a man lies in her beauty (or lack) is patriarchal sexist nonsense.

fairydustandpixies · 20/07/2020 19:29

Nope. Never believe it. They just want something or to cast you in. Utter rubbish.

butterpuffed · 20/07/2020 19:29

I think he's said you're beautiful all along because in his eyes, you are. You had a bit of a dig at him about the games and he thought he'd have a pop back when you gave him the ideal opening.

I can see that it's hurtful but if everything else is okay between you, best to let it go Flowers

CallMeOnMyCell · 20/07/2020 19:31

Hmm this is ringing alarm bells for me OP. Has his behaviour changed in any other ways? Sorry to project but these sort of hurtful comments were the start of my DPs affair and he turned overnight into a nasty bastard to push me away.

toomuchpeppapig · 20/07/2020 19:31

I just read your post to my DP and he said that your 'D'H is a 4 letter word beginning with a C!! I'd be upset too. You should explain your feelings to your DH.

MashedPotatoBrainz · 20/07/2020 19:32

My husband means it. I can see it in his eyes. He can't believe how lucky he is to have me in his life. Thing is, I look like one of the trolls from Frozen.

FenellaVelour · 20/07/2020 19:34

My husband would never say this because it would so obviously not be true. In fact he hardly ever compliments me, but I know that he loves me and thinks I’m more beautiful than I actually am.

I actually think I’d laugh if anyone said I was the most beautiful woman in the world as it’s so daft. Reminds me of a guy from years ago who I witnessed going round a nightclub telling women that they were the most beautiful woman in England, one at a time. I think at that point I was the 22nd “most beautiful woman in England”. My friend was the 23rd. He went home alone.

Interestedwoman · 20/07/2020 19:36

Aww, that's not a very nice thing for him to say. Sad Flowers

Branleuse · 20/07/2020 19:36

I dont think id ever ask my partner if he thought I was the most beautful as clearly im not, but he is always telling me how beautiful I am.
Was your dp joking. Maybe he was just teasing you. If he usually tells you youre beautiful and then this time you were joking with him that he would never find anyone as beautiful, then it sounds like he was just jokily taking you down a peg. I wouldnt take it seriously and just remember he loves you and thinks youre beautiful. Dont overthink it

MsTSwift · 20/07/2020 19:38

An ex said I was n my twenties that I was the most beautiful woman in Bristol - didn’t quite know what to do with that 😁

GilderoyLockdown · 20/07/2020 19:48

I can't remember either of us either saying the other was the most beautiful specimen of our sex in the world. But I also don't think either of us would ever respond to the other making your joke in the way he did.