Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Do many people think that ADHD is not real?

739 replies

Ilovecranberries · 20/07/2020 16:28

Was having remote drinks with a friend and his wife yesterday. She's a secondary school teacher in a quite "rough" school (not in the UK). I was quite surprised when, discussing something quite abstract about how different people think and react differently, she had said quite breezily that the majority of teachers she knows "don't believe" in the existence of ADHD.
Incidentally, one of my children is currently being assessed for it, but it is not news that I had shared socially outside of my immediate family. I wasn't offended, but I wonder if it is actually a widespread view behind the closed doors?

OP posts:
HoldMyLobster · 20/07/2020 21:00

I feel it's much more likely to be under than over diagnosed, given all the adults who have likely not been diagnosed.

Oh yes, my MIL has probably the most severe ADD I've ever seen. Totally undiagnosed.

You know those threads where people say 'But isn't it funny how people who 'can't help being late' never actually miss flights?'

She misses flights regularly Grin

HoldMyLobster · 20/07/2020 21:01

I would be better off teaching my dog to drive than trying to counter these idiotic opinions. People are, generally speaking, not too bright. Explaining something complex through the prism of their background of daily mail articles and 6th hand knowledge is just an utter waste of time.

I think most people get it. There are just some trolls and some total thickos on this thread who don't.

Roomba · 20/07/2020 21:01

I was a teacher and I definitely believe in ADHD! And I did so long before my own son was diagnosed with it. I'm also 95% sure that I have it myself, though what is dyspraxia related (diagnosed as a child) and what is ADHD related is hard to define!

I have met teachers who make nasty comments about ADHD just being an excuse for bad parenting. They didn't tend to be the most inspiring, well informed teachers though...

duletty · 20/07/2020 21:07

@HoldMyLobster

I would be better off teaching my dog to drive than trying to counter these idiotic opinions. People are, generally speaking, not too bright. Explaining something complex through the prism of their background of daily mail articles and 6th hand knowledge is just an utter waste of time.

I think most people get it. There are just some trolls and some total thickos on this thread who don't.

What do you mean thicko? Is that someone with a lower cognitive ability???
Notenoughchocolateomg · 20/07/2020 21:10

I used to think it was nonsense made up excuse for naughty children. I was a fool. My son isn't diagnosed, but he clearly has it. I'm a strict parent and both children have great manners. My eldest is a dream child. Does exactly as he is told. Very moral. Youngest has many sen, asd, sensory issues, tics, dyslexia and adhd too I think. He is hard work. I am strict and he knows right from wrong but lord he is always on the go, attention span is almost zero unless hes on his tablet. I feel ashamed about being so naive.

Roomba · 20/07/2020 21:13

I can echo the comments about the way school is set up not always working well for those with ADHD. During lockdown, my son has gone from getting grade 6s in most subjects, with 'could try harder' comments, to getting 9s for everything, winning a speech day prize and entering a national competition for a subject - something he'd never have considered doing before. Because he's been able to work at home in a way that works well for him. I'm now worried about his mood and grades deteriorating when he returns to school, but less worried about how he'd cope at uni in future.

MiniMum97 · 20/07/2020 21:16

@mistyrivers87 you have no understanding of what ADHD is. It does NOT necessarily equate to poor behaviour although that may be seen especially in those that have the hyperactive/impulsive sub-type.

ADHD is an executive function disorder. That means it makes it very difficult for you to concentrate on things you are not very interested in, difficult to switch tasks and difficult to start new tasks leading to to procrastination. Working memory is poor so you can't hold tasks or information in your head. You mislay or lose things. Your brain jumps about so you can switch from one topic to another struggling to take people with you.

ADHD means you have a motivation and interest deficit. It takes a lot to get our brain firing and working properly. For example I've always done my best work at the last minute. On the few occasions I have managed to complete things ahead of time, the work has generally poor quality.

We therefore get bored very easily and so struggle to maintain habits and hobbies. We struggle to maintain regular tasks at home due to this.

We struggle with emotional dysregulation so emotions can go up and down very quickly. For me my mood changes can be hourly.

You have no internal clock so time management is very difficult so your perception of time passing is often completely wrong.

Social interaction can be difficult. For me, I struggle with concentrating on what people are saying, without interrupting. I struggle to remember what I want to say - if I don't/can't say it immediately it's gone. I can't stand small talk. I tend to blurt our random things and over share which leaves me feeling vulnerable. It all means I have to constantly monitor what I am doing in social settings so they can stressful rather than fun.

ADHD can therefore make it very difficult to run your life. I get very overwhelmed for example if I have to plan to have a night out. I struggle to remember tasks and appointments so I have multiple systems in place to help me manage these things but that's can be time consuming to maintain. We struggle to look after ourselves - drink enough water, eat the right foods, exercise consistently. We often have sleep issues. So we have a higher rate of disease and a shorter life expectancy

A common thing in some ADHDers, that I definitely struggle with, is word and fact recall. I learn loads of things but can't recall them when I need to which is embarrassing and makes me sound stupid when I am not. I often say the wring word to (or make up words when I can't think of one that describes what I want to say!!).

It's a disorder of inconsistency. Some days better the others, some things you can concentrate and some you can't, constantly starting new things you can't maintain or finish.

Conversely, people with ADHD are often great ideas people who can hyper focus on things they are interested in. They tend to be great at research and love learning new things. Some can have lots of energy. They can have great senses of humour. They usually like change. We are usually great in a crisis or when there's a tight deadline.

So please educate yourself. ADHD is not just naughty hyperactive boys and an excuse for misbehaving. It is a condition that affects many facets of your life and can make like very hard for many people.

ADHD is real. It's been well studied over many years. There's been studies that have shown differences in the brain structure in people with ADHD. It's also known to be inherited.

MiniMum97 · 20/07/2020 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreytExpectations · 20/07/2020 21:18

*You’re talking about my son then. He was diagnosed and given Ritalin at 6.

Why do you see medication as an “easy fix”. Would chemotherapy be an “easy fix” for cancer? Or insulin for a diabetic? Or paracetamol for a headache?

Obviously, misdiagnoses happen and are far from ideal but I’m guessing the vast majority of diagnoses are accurate.*

I am not saying that at all, you have misinterpreted my point. I am giving an example of the situation in America which is very different to here. They give Ritalin to every child with a diagnosis as a first port of call, over here more thorough assessments are done to look at other non medical routes to support those children with ADHD. I couldn't get a ritalin prescription here as an adult, even though I was diagnosed with ADHD because they didnt want to jump straight to medicine. America's pharmaceutical industry is disgustingly profit oriented which is a major problem over there.

Just for reference, I was diagnosed as a child with ADHD in America so I'm far from ignorant on it.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 20/07/2020 21:20

Yes it's real.

I like others think its probably over diagnosed, although more likely so in the USA than here.

HoldMyLobster · 20/07/2020 21:20

And have you recently had a child diagnosed with ADHD in America GreytExpectations?

HoldMyLobster · 20/07/2020 21:21

What do you mean thicko? Is that someone with a lower cognitive ability???

No, I mean people with closed minds.

MrsZola · 20/07/2020 21:24

@GreytExpectations

ADHD is part of the autistic spectrum in the same way that Asperger's Syndrome is.

No, it is not. Please do some research before giving false information.

So my Ds's psychiatrist at CAMHS was wrong then?
GreytExpectations · 20/07/2020 21:34

So my Ds's psychiatrist at CAMHS was wrong then?

Yes, they were wrong. Have you even read the other responses on this thread since you last posted? Plenty of people have shared links and resources as to why you and your CAHMS psychiatrist was wrong.

HTH.

BertieBotts · 20/07/2020 21:34

I seem to remember there being a lot of bad publicity about ADHD in the late 90s/early 00s - perhaps it genuinely was overdiagnosed in the US at that time? I only knew one person with an ADHD diagnosis in real life and he was very severely hyperactive when not on his medication and would do things like fly into a rage and hit or threaten other pupils and teachers. (He has ASD as well).

I assumed (in most cases) it was a bit overdiagnosed/a lazy shortcut as well and that medication was absolutely a bad thing and ought to be a last resort - the thing is, I assumed that ritalin/other ADHD medications were tranquilisers. That's how they were presented in the media at that time, and I think a lot of people had (maybe still have?) this misconception.

I don't know how old I was but I remember reading a throwaway comment somewhere on a message board where someone pointed out that actually, ritalin (and many other ADHD treatments) are NOT tranquilisers, they are stimulants. You give a neurotypical child ritalin and they would be running up the walls bouncing off the ceiling, hyped up, crazy. You give an ADHD child ritalin and they calm down. Because their brains are actually getting the stimulation that they need and they aren't going utterly crazy with boredom any more.

I hadn't known that before - and it suddenly changed my perception.

Then as an adult getting diagnosed myself (another mind blown moment) and learning more and more about how medication helps and works I now get so angry at the misinformation out there. It's one of the most useful and least harmful medications out there and yet to many people it's deathly dangerous and/or terrible parenting if you don't waste years of your child's life trying every other thing first?

Yes of course if there is a cause like sleep apnoea let's do an extremely simple check to rule that out. But otherwise?? I don't understand where the hostility comes from and it makes me really upset.

Witchcraftandhokum · 20/07/2020 21:35

I absolutely think it's real. However I also think it's also massively mis-diagnosed. I once heard a paediatrician speak at a conference who reckoned that about 1/3 of ADHD diagnoses were actually feotal alcohol syndrome.

GreytExpectations · 20/07/2020 21:35

@HoldMyLobster

And have you recently had a child diagnosed with ADHD in America GreytExpectations?
I've had experience with close friends and family members whose children have been diagnosed in America. If you don't agree with me then fine but I'm just giving you my experience.
TrainspottingWelsh · 20/07/2020 21:42

I don't know about the teaching profession, but Ime generally it's only a minority that don't believe it exists, the problem, as evidenced by this thread, is so many people are completely ignorant about what adhd is, and therefore don't believe it when the person/ child fails to fit their narrow view of what adhd should look like. And of course when we fail to conform with the nt tactics that could reform us into nt behaviour it just consolidates the bullshit view we are all just badly behaved and should try harder.

The only over diagnosis is of the armchair variety, not actual dx. I don't include those struggling for help prior to a dx in that. Ime it's usually those parents or adults that aren't interested in pursuing support/dx, and are basing their self dx on one or two symptoms that in their ignorance they have decided sum up adhd. Eg naughty children and losing keys, they're always a favourite stereotype.

Children with adhd aren't naughty anymore often than nt children are. Sure, there are times when children with adhd don't behave the same way as nt dc, but we don't go round suggesting nt dc are naughty because they struggle to do things that come easily to those with adhd. And even when a child with adhd has the added problem of inadequate parenting, it isn't representative.

We don't read the bollocks spouted by the likes of @mistyrivers87 and assume nt people are all ignorant and too dull witted to think in anything but one very slooow narrow line, with frequent halts because their 1D brains can't handle more than one thought at a time. But apparently it's ok to do the same when it's adhd.

@Ilovecranberries
May I suggest cutting all sugar/ gluten/ dairy/ going vegan, a wanky reward chart, having firm boundaries and sitting him down to explain why he shouldn't be impulsive or lacking focus, always on the go etc. Of course those suggestions are all patronising and a complete waste of time, but apparently it's helpful to regularly trot out this shit to anyone involved with adhd Grin

Pugdoglife · 20/07/2020 21:45

ADHD is definitely real, I've seen many students struggling with its effects over the years, some diagnosed, some not diagnosed, some on medication some not.
There is a clear difference between those children and children "being naughty".

tabulahrasa · 20/07/2020 21:46

“I don't know how old I was but I remember reading a throwaway comment somewhere on a message board where someone pointed out that actually, ritalin (and many other ADHD treatments) are NOT tranquilisers, they are stimulants.”

Yep, the most common U.K. drugs work in a very similar way to amphetamine, in other countries the medication is actually amphetamine.

If anyone has experience of people taking amphetamine recreationally, they’ll appreciate that it does not have the effect it has on people with ADHD usually, lol

Cacacoisfarraige · 20/07/2020 21:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weebarra · 20/07/2020 21:48

Yes, I think there are a lot of misconceptions about medication. Ritalin is a stimulant and helps some people because it pushes them over the stimulation curve.
DS1 isn't able to take it because of other medical conditions so he takes another drug which helps the uptake of norepinephrine in the brain and helps concentration.

Busymum45 · 20/07/2020 21:50

I thought it wasn't real too and just naughty kids but i.dont think that's the case

JollyRogerandDiane · 20/07/2020 21:50

My teen dd has been diagnosed with ADHD, quite recently. I’m a primary school teacher. I had no idea. ADHD in girls presents SO differently in boys. I’ve taught many boys with ADHD - I thought I knew what it entailed. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/childmind.org/article/how-girls-with-adhd-are-different/amp/ It’s a completely different kettle of fish and girls are often overlooked. I’d urge everyone to have a read (not particularly this article but any on girls and ADHD) - I can see why ‘people’ don’t believe in ADHD when the presentations are so different. It’s ignorance rather than stupidity (certainly was on my part!) - I always understood (and believed) it was a condition but I certainly didn’t understand the breadth of it.

BertieBotts · 20/07/2020 21:50

Something I've come to realise is that I cannot expect anybody else to have an in depth understanding of ADHD. I don't, and I appreciate that, for example, I myself don't have a very in depth understanding of dyslexia, or T1 diabetes, or hypermobility, or food allergies, or chronic fatigue, to take a random selection of issues that people I know and love live with. I have an in depth understanding of ADHD because it's my issue and my son's issue and so it's important to me to understand it. I can't possibly understand every single issue somebody might have to the same extent. And so I respect that other people won't know everything about my issue either.

So I no longer feel annoyed about people not understanding subtypes, and nor would I expect other people to automatically understand if I say "Oh I have ADHD, please support me". Instead I ask for specific things "Please can you send me this information in an e-mail?" "Excuse me while I write this in my calendar before I forget" "Could I give you money towards the picnic rather than bringing something? Let me give it to you now".

But I have never said things like "Allergies aren't that serious, I'm sure he'll be fine if he has a little bit of milk powder". I listen to the mum of the allergy kid because I know she has much more of an understanding than me!

I do not say "Well I tried so hard to help that dyslexic person but he just isn't trying hard enough." or "Why don't you just use spell check?" I don't know why spellcheck doesn't work for dyslexic people but I know that would be incredibly annoying.

I don't decide randomly that it's best if the person with diabetes eats this food rather than that, because I have no idea what is the best way to control blood sugar levels with diabetes, even if I did read an article about it in a health food magazine.

So if you do not have an in depth understanding of ADHD, that's absolutely fine, but please don't go around pretending that you do know about it (by saying that it's overdiagnosed, or overmedicated, or that XYZ therapy is better than medication, or that medicating children is "sad"). It's okay not to know about something. If you like, you could ask "How can I support you with that?" But mainly, just understand that it's OK not to know a lot about a subject and just be alright with that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread