To think DD shouldn’t have been given diazepam?

[ohrien]

My 17 year old had a nervous breakdown last night. She’s been severely depressed since lockdown and it’s all been building up but she was sent over the edge when she was scrolling FB and saw her boyfriend of 5 months had changed his status to in a relationship with another girl before they’d even split. The breakdown was absolutely horrendous, broke some glass off a mirror and ran it down her arm. Thankfully only left a scratch. Tried looking my codeine tablets which I had to had. Her body was physically collapsing into just screaming on the floor that she didn’t want to live anymore. She was on the floor for 2 hours and eventually ended up rocking back and forth not saying a word. In a catatonic state. It was utterly terrifying to watch as a mother and I’ll never forget the sight. I ended up packing a bag and making her go to A&E at midnight.

A&E assessed her (I waited in triage) and she was in there talking to one of the doctors for an hour. I was hoping they’d keep her in as I didn’t know how to help her. But then she comes back having been given a sleeping pill and 2mg diazepam, as well as a 4 more diazepam to use when needed. They are going to have a mental health home team contact her and they will arrange to come and see her. We then went home and she was so drugged up I had to help her into bed. It was devastating.

Today she’s been in bed all day but I have managed to get her to have a shower, brush teeth and wash hair. She won’t eat anything, she says it’s not that she is worried about eating it’s just that she has no desire to and feels sick. She was told to take 3 of the diazepam today and the last one tomorrow. She has taken one morning, afternoon and evening and she already is panicking about using the last one tomorrow. She says they’ve been extremely effective already and is talking about consulting the GP for more. I’m worried she’ll get addicted and I don’t know what to do to help her. When they begin to wear off she gradually starts getting worked up and hyperventilating again and once the next one kicks in it shuts it down.

Have you spoken to her GP? She may need anti depressants, which can take a few days to kick in, and she may feel worse before she feels better. I'd say diazepam for anything over a couple of days really isn't the solution. She needs to be ale to talk to someone, and she's right that when the MH team visit you should leave them to it.
Meanwhile try to get her to delete him off Facebook so she can't keep torturing herself by looking at his account.
Try not to worry, she will get through this. She's been traumatised by this shit, and it will take time.
Have a look at this link, it might be useful. www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/

I think the idea of the low, short-term dose is that it helps her through the initial ‘breakdown’ stage, keeps her calmer, and prevents her from harming herself. Then she (and you) will be better able to plan for the long term and consider treatment options.
It sounds so tough, though, and I’m very sorry OP

It's not a placebo at all! 2 mg to a small 17 year old girl would be the same as 10mg to an average sized adult male (and they give average sized adult males 5mg). I used to get prescribed 2mg for panic attacks and it did work where nothing else would. Now I just have to manage the panic attacks as diazepam prescribing rules have changed. I have had them during a couple of major stressful life events since and they have just taken the edge off so that I didn't break down. Diazepam (and other Benzos like lorazepam and sleeping pills (Especiallu Z drugs) are The most effective fast acting medications. Yes they can become addictive, but in situations like this there really isn't an alternative (unless there is psychosis in which case haloperidol or chlorpromazine can be given)

She’s not eaten in nearly 3 days. She’s refusing

Short term would she download the calm app? I use it a lot and it's got meditation, audiobooks etc on, sleep stories. I absolutely hate being read to but I'm finding them really useful and relaxing and it's a good distraction

Looks like this

She’s still trying to justify his behaviour in her head. I tried to speak to her about it a little while ago and she was insisting that the headlock, throwing her to ground (then turning his back and checking his phone while she dusted herself off and got up) and punch on the arm incidents all occurred because he offered to teach her self defence when they were walking through a park. She is saying that she was playfully poking him so what he was doing must have been same, and apparently as they were walking back afterwards he requested she walked in front of him because apparently one of the pokes/faux punches hurt him. He’s a big lad and she’s tiny so that’s bollocks and the punch on her arm left a bruise she says.

And now she’s saying that with the sex acts he wasn’t doing anything wrong because she’d agreed to do them before meets on text when he asked so it would have been unreasonable for her to refuse once they actually did meet so she didn’t blame him for getting annoyed and pushing her.

Trying to justify the emotional abuse as well, he’s posting all lovey dovey stuff about the new girlfriend and apparently because he never did that with her it means it was her and not him and she must have triggered a deep disdain in him.

It is breaking my heart.

Is there anything you can tempt her with to eat, takeaway, sweets anything? She must feel physically terrible as well?

Is there anything you can tempt her with to eat, takeaway, sweets anything? She must feel physically terrible as well?

My daughter, when upset doesn’t eat and was put under dietician as she lost so much weight. They advised to tempt with anything calorific such as milkshakes as they can act like a food. So sorry you are going through this. Hopefully karma will pay the ex a visit. Can the MH team revisit today?

Can you get her to stop checking social media? Block him and the new girl?

She needs something to occupy herself that's unrelated, would she do an art project or a walk in nature with you?

@vjg13 She gets horrific indigestion when she’s in a depressive phase. Chest pain, stomach pain etc. Feeling like there is something in her throat. She tells me it’s like her body is too stressed by her mood to even think about food. She’s quite self aware in that sense.

Going to go out and get her a drink she likes from Costa and hope she can stomach that at least as she’s visibly lost weight from 3 days ago already. All she’s had is a single crisp

I know right now (rightfully so) your priority is your DD and helping her heal through this, but I couldn’t just leave the lad to it. I don’t think I’d have stopped my husband going over, I’d have gone with him. He’s clearly a very sick individual and a danger who will hurt people in the future.

@ohrien I hope she has it. I got my 16 year old a lot of the cold drinks from Costa with whipped cream on when I was worried about her weight last year. Also as a PP has said milkshakes are really useful too.

Haven't rtwt but as someone who works in mental heath I'd be wary of over medicalising what appears to be a perfectly normal stress/trauma reaction to a painful experience.

Talking therapy would be good but if you can at all go private then do, the nhs is super stretched and provision for counselling/psychotherapy is v limited and wait lists are long.

I’m incredibly worried about her. She’s not speaking at all. She just lays there sobbing.

Ah bless her, he sounds like a right little prick! She is well rid and she will realise that soon enough, heartbreak is worse when you're a teenager, at least it seems it at the time! She needs to block him though, out of sight out of mind and all that.

I had a few meltdowns in my teens early twenties over an ex, he was abusive too and I had spectacular breakdowns over it. I wouldn't worry too much she is young and it doesn't mean she's mentally ill, just having a tough time atm, lockdown hasn't helped has it it's been a funny year. Just be there for her all you can

Ah bless her, he sounds like a right little prick! She is well rid and she will realise that soon enough, heartbreak is worse when you're a teenager, at least it seems it at the time! She needs to block him though, out of sight out of mind and all that.

I had a few meltdowns in my teens early twenties over an ex, he was abusive too and I had spectacular breakdowns over it. I wouldn't worry too much she is young and it doesn't mean she's mentally ill, just having a tough time atm, lockdown hasn't helped has it it's been a funny year. Just be there for her all you can

As someone who has taken 15mg in a day, her level is fine. It will relax her and bring her down from the manic behaviour. She sounds like she needs support and help - that is what they are starting to do, she needs you to do the same.

How is your dd today op? Have the MH team been? Hope she’s ok. Kids do worry us don’t they.

I had a similar situation with my DD when she was 18 ( EA but not physically). Is there anyway she would hand her phone over to you?
Your poor daughter. I know mine thought she would never get over it..she did and she has an absolutely lovely boyfriend now.

I think she’s also got anxiety as well as depression
The symptoms you describe she as now, I also had when I was poorly. I’m no child thou

The throat thing is called globus
It’s like you have a lump in your throat and you want to swallow to clear it, but it’s still there.

The lost of appetite is quite normal with anxiety/depression
With some people It just depletes it completely
I never ate for days
Just try and get her to drink, so she doesn’t dehydrate.
When she’s ready she will eat
The only thing I could get down me was weetabix
She’s just laying there because there’s so many thoughts going round her head, that she can’t switch off. Even though she’s probably knacked
If your frightened imagine how she feels

Can she do the freedom program? Would that work for her ?? as she has been in an abusive relationship
She can do it on line

Day before yesterday went to A&E again as she was threatening to go and throw herself off a motorway bridge. Then suddenly in the A&E waiting room she suddenly started feeling okay again, dare I say happy. Started going on about how she just KNOWS the boyfriend is coming back to her so she’s content. Then she insisted we left. I tried to talk her into staying but I couldn’t physically force her, could I? She walked out of the A&E with a spring in her step and talked my socks off the whole way home.

Was extremely happy all throughout the next day, repeating that she was confident the boyfriend was coming back so she’s fine etc etc. And then she crashed just before midnight and cried herself to sleep and has been curled up in bed sobbing all day.

Spoke to GP on phone who is incredibly concerned and doing a psychiatric referral. He stopped going on about talking therapy and is now saying psychiatry, which is more diagnostic isn’t it?

I’m a shit parent, I’ve failed her. I know I should be focusing on her and not posting here but I need some kind of support, DH is useless.

OP you’re not a shit parent, this isn’t your fault!

Your DD clearly trusts you enough to tell you what she’s feeling, which is amazing ( I never told my mum when I was depressed as a teen) and you’re seeking professional help which it sounds like she needs