Friend ghosting me?

[sieara]

I feel rather upset

So I have a friend, we are actually related through marriage, not immediate, that's essentially how we met and became quite good friends. Goin shopping together, gym, Eating out. We were even pregnant together at the same time...twice! Have a lot in common. Known her for 8 years.

We would talk a lot via mssgs for hours when we haven't seen each other in a while just catching up. Can I just add this isn't one sided, majority of the time it would be her starting the convos that would then last hours.
Haven't seen her since lockdown.
Well anyways, I think just over 2 weeks ago I messaged her asking how she is and her kids. She responded saying they are fine. And that was it, she didn't ask about me and my kids which was strange as she normally always would! I thought it's quite odd, but put it down to maybe she's busy and will mssg me later on, (that's what we normally tend to do, if either one is busy it's normally a vague mssg and later would mssg back properly.)
Even if she forgot about it, doesn't make sense that it's over two weeks and nothing, in the past if she forgot to mssg back, she would the next day and state she forgot.
Anyways I put it to the back of my mind, and didn't put too much thought in to it.

I messaged her today just asking has she been in to town since reopening of shops and If she fancies meeting up.
Well she saw the mssg and didn't reply, she's been online lots of time since, (yes I've been stalking her last seen 🙄, she's actually online right now too)
I can't help but feel she is doing this purposely. I honestly feel like crying as I can't understand why she would do this, I scrolled up on the chat To see what we last spoke about and it was completely normal, mid may is the last time she properly spoke to me. I haven't spoken about her to anyone, all I can think is either someone is stirring things and have said something to her but again I don't know why would anyone do this.

I know she's the type taht if she no longer wants to be good friends with someone, she will just pull away and if the person mssgs or she sees them then she will just say the basic that is needed, she openly has said that to me when she fell out with someone. So I know that is what she would do and I feel she is doing it to me.
I would rather she tell me what I've done or said

I don't know what am trying to achieve with this post

Is there anyone you can think of that you both know that would be stirring things?

Could it maybe be that she has been shielding and is anxious about meeting up?
Don’t be too upset. Usually in situations like this, the person may have something going on and it’s not anything you have done. (That’s what I’ve found anyway)

I'd message her again and ask if everything is ok as she's being quiet and see what she says

There is someone I can think of, that particular individual acts extremely nice to my face. I can't imagine that person would make things up and my friend take heed, as friend actually isn't too fond of that particular person

If she felt anxious or didn't want to meet up yet, I know she would tell me straight

Although I feel it's not that as she has been visiting other households before the lockdown ease came about

@lemonycherry good idea. I may do that tomorrow if I can pluck the courage. I just won't be able to deal if I mssg her again and she ignores me. She is online right now..

I guess just ask her straight but it doea sound strange if you spoke daily before and haven't spoken since mid may. Did you do family things together pre covid? I'm assuming she's with maybe a cousin of yours?

Do you think perhaps she is having problems in her marriage and because you're on the husbands "family side" she's keeping her distance while they deal with whatever is going on?

‘Majority of the time it would be her starting the convos this rings alarm bells with me. I have a couple of friends that rely on me to stay in touch & it’s really been annoying me, to the point I’m not really bothering go with them any more. Is there a chance she feels like she makes all the effort?

Why don't you just pick up the phone and, you know, speak to each other? Like friends used to do in the olden days? And then you could have a normal conversation without having to read multiple meanings into a months-old text? Ridiculous to be on the verge of tears because someone hasn't replied to a message for what could be any number of reasons!

@nancy75 has a good point actually. But I know if I've ever tried to end a friendship I've done the same as your friend is doing and just gradually cut contact etc. Maybe not as bluntly as your friend though as I'm a wuss

@lobsteroll that is a possibility and I was thinking that too, when I initially mssgd her the first time, her profile pic was of her dh and kids. So I then ruled that out kind of.

I just checked now and she's got something different on, it's writing that says maturity is about walking away from people.... I don't want to write exactly what it says as it could be outing

So now going off that, am I one of those people? Am so confused

TAKE. THE. HINT.

Bit harsh @redwinefine.

Unless red wine is the ghosting friend. In which case, grow a pair and send a message to the OP explaining yourself, after years of friendship you owe her that much.

But... OP; I'm sure there is more to this story, why would you be concerned at someone stirring up an issue if there wasn't anything to stir up?

Is there nothing you can think of that you've done or said to upset her?

People don't usually ghost friends just for fun...

Think I know the meme you mean and I would say that's definitely been put there as a passive aggressive message to someone who she thinks would see it.

@nancy75 by no means has it been just herself having to make the effort. I would say it's 50/50. I just meant when we have the really long convos, I had to add that in as I know people on here would otherwise interpret as maybe she doesn't like the long conversation but that's certainly not the case

You'll never know unless you talk to her. Its hard because you could get an answer you don't like but at least you'd know.
On one hand you say she has form for ghosting? If that is what she's doing, its even more reason to find out exactly why as its no fun being on the end of that and trying to work it out. If she is ghosting then maybe its not a bad thing if the friendship does come to an end as its hardly a reliable one.
But otherwise she could just be feeling a bit depressed or worried as many people are about the future etc at a time like this, or not getting on with her DH or some other thing and she may not want to bring it up to a close friend as she's still dealing with it and doesn't want to say it in the open. You know her so well maybe she's worried you'd see something was up and she's maybe not ready for that?

Ask directly if you have done something to upset her. I hate all these stupid passive-aggressive posts that do the rounds on Facebook. I always think it’s so stupid having “friends” that people feel the need to make digs at with these indirect generalised posts.

Phone her, OP.

I hate people that cut you off without an explanation and usually, when you finally find out their reason it was the stupidest thing.

I'd try phoning her and see how she reacts when she picks up the phone. If she doesn't answer, leave her a message and see what happens.

Sometimes ppl go through stressful periods and can't talk to anyone,even their closest friends. I had alot on at work recently and ignored phone calls and texts from a close friends for a while. I was too stressed to talk! I phoned her afterwards and explained I'd had a horrible time and was sorry for not responding. We're fine again.

Whatever you do, don't keep checking up on her online, it'll only make you upset. She'll get in touch when she's ready - or if she doesn't, you'll need to accept it and move on. I know it's difficult.

Why did you go from speaking virtually every day to not speaking since mid May? Why did the daily chats end then, and who ended them?

Did you maybe post something that could have put her off as in something abput black lives matter, all lives matter, the trans debate, JK Rowling, Covid or going out and about pictures where she might feel you're putting other lives at risk or about telling everyone to stay home and safe or 5G or whatever?

Whilst I would be tempted to block her on everything, I think it would be more helpful for you to try and find out what’s happened so you get closure.

If you would usually call her they try and call her, if not text her, and say you’ve found her ghosting you very hurtful and that you would hope that if I’ve done something to upset you then after 8 years of friendship, you would at explain why you’re upset. Also, if you no longer want to be friends, just tell me and I’ll respect your wishes.

If no response after a few days, I would just delete her number and all messages.

Tbh I’m always a bit when people who know someone who has form for behaving in a certain way towards people are surprised and shocked when that person goes on to do the same to them.

She has form for ghosting people, it was only a matter of time before she did it to you. Not being harsh but why would you think you would be different?

My DP went through this recently. Someone he knows has a habit of absolutely blowing up at people, criticising, becoming aggressive and then badmouthing them to all who will listen. I warned and warned him over and over that if he could do it to someone else he would do it to him. He just said that he realised that, but was then shocked when he did exactly that.

If she’s ghosted you now then I’d just let her go. Especially as you knew she had form and it was inevitable at some point.