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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this bother you?

40 replies

Caramel78 · 18/07/2020 20:40

My DP (both in our 30s, engaged and been together 5 years) sent a message to his work colleague saying “Sarah‘s (name change) ass is looking amazing today. I could look at it all day”.
He had left his Facebook open on our iPad.

I feel really annoyed about it for so many different reasons. I would hate to think of men writing pervy inappropriate messages about me to each other at work, so to know my DP is like that has massively riled me up.
She’s also 10 years younger than me and I now feel rubbish about myself.
My DP definitely doesn’t seem the “type” to write messages like that but I guess he turns into a pathetic immature sleaze with his mates.

I spoke to my sister and best friend about it. My sister shared my views and said I should let him know how vile his behaviour is. My best friend was the complete opposite though and said I need to let it go as it’s just a bit of fun and everyone discusses attractive people with their friends.

Would this anger you or would you just roll your eyes/laugh it off/not even think anything of it?

OP posts:
Biscusting · 18/07/2020 20:42

Nope it’s rank, and I’d let him know what a spineless gutter weasel he is.

SayakaMurata · 18/07/2020 20:43

Yuck.

That would definitely bother me. What a creep. I would lose respect for a man who thought that was OK.

puzzledpiece · 18/07/2020 20:43

50/50 on this. Men are utter twats when they get together with their 'mates', but its outright sexist behaviour, which (I wish!) has presumably been consigned to the dustbin of history

Aquamarine1029 · 18/07/2020 20:44

What would bother me immensely is that he is stupid enough to send that message to another colleague who also works with this woman. What a fucking idiot.

Original poster
Caramel78 · 18/07/2020 20:46

I just hate to think he’s this charming respectful guy around me, but when he’s with his loser mates at changes into this laddish sexist prick!

OP posts:
MonkeyToesOfDoom · 18/07/2020 20:47

A lot of man to man conversations get far far far worse than that about just about every woman they ever meet.

Wearywithteens · 18/07/2020 20:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 18/07/2020 20:59

Next time you are watching TV make a comment about a man's bulge... Say it looks impressive..

Sparklesocks · 18/07/2020 20:59

Disrespectful to both you his as partner and his colleague, who is not a sex object for him to ogle. He’s also a bit on the thick side as he’s sent an example of something like that in writing which could be used as sexual harassment.

Personally I’d feel I’d view my DP differently if I found out this is how he talks about women.

ferntwist · 18/07/2020 21:01

YANBU. Would totally change the way I saw him. Crossing his mind is one thing but revelling in it and messaging a friend like that is quite another.

Nickelallergy891 · 18/07/2020 21:02

Huge red flag. I say calmly and icily call him out.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 18/07/2020 21:43

I'd be pretty disgusted at this behaviour from my DP. I'd be calling him out and I'd be mad 😠

MereDintofPandiculation · 18/07/2020 21:59

It's also really stupid. It's not unknown for a comment like that to a workplace "friend" to find its way to the subject of the comment and lead to a grievance investigation and sanctions.

LockdownLump · 18/07/2020 22:03

Yuck. I couldn't be with a man who objectified women like that.

Poor Sarah. I feel sorry for her that she's just gone to work on a normal day and she's being talked about like this behind her back.

So derogatory

PumpkinP · 18/07/2020 22:04

Have you posted before about your DP and “Sarah” ? I’m sure I read a post on here a little while ago about a partner making crude jokes about woman called “Sarah” that he works with.

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 18/07/2020 22:18

Did you post about this exact same thing about 6 months ago?

AntiHop · 18/07/2020 22:20

This would be a deal breaker for me.

Greenkit · 18/07/2020 22:25

Yuk

I would lose all respect for him

TheMurk · 18/07/2020 22:26

In my last workplace three men were sacked for sending messages like these to each other. They were found out because someone read it over a shoulder while the guy was typing it.

Would be viewed very unfavourably by any decent employer.

I would not be impressed if it was my partner either.

Call him out on it.

Gluestick80 · 18/07/2020 22:29

Huge red flag. I say calmly and icily call him out

Red flag for what?

Seabreeze18 · 18/07/2020 22:40

This is how men think! He was appreciating arse like he would a nice cup of coffee or a moist slice of chocolate cake. It’s actually very normal us women just don’t want to admit that our men think like this!! He hasn’t cheated. Get over it!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/07/2020 22:43

@Seabreeze18

This is how men think! He was appreciating arse like he would a nice cup of coffee or a moist slice of chocolate cake. It’s actually very normal us women just don’t want to admit that our men think like this!! He hasn’t cheated. Get over it!
It is bloody depressing that people think this way. As long as we carry on expecting so little of men, we will carry on having a sexist culture which breeds a rape culture.
MrDarcysMa · 18/07/2020 22:45

I would challenge him on it. You understand that boys will be boys etc but It's creepy and very disrespectful to both you and her.

TheMistressQuickly · 18/07/2020 22:45

I would call him on this immediately

rosiejaune · 18/07/2020 23:04

@Seabreeze18

This is how men think! He was appreciating arse like he would a nice cup of coffee or a moist slice of chocolate cake. It’s actually very normal us women just don’t want to admit that our men think like this!! He hasn’t cheated. Get over it!
Yes that's the problem. Coffee doesn't mind being "appreciated". When you speak like that about women, it's not just mild appreciation or attraction; you are clearly objectifying them, as if they were nothing more than the coffee, not 3D beings with thoughts and feelings - men (as a group) don't see women as real people of similar importance. It's creepy, and men shouldn't think like that, even if they currently often do.