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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this really mean?

38 replies

Busymum45 · 18/07/2020 20:38

Dh having an op soon Which will.take months of recovery. He said the kids (teenagers) and I should get away for a break so I'm thinking of taking them for a night away by the coast. I just feel so guilty leaving dh behind, in a cast, unable to do much whilst we have a jolly.
Am I being unfair? Would you go?

OP posts:
lockdownparty · 18/07/2020 20:40

What kind of cast? Will he be able to get around the house ok or could he do with being looked after?

Original poster
Busymum45 · 18/07/2020 20:43

A half leg cast. He will.need.us around a lot initially hence thinking of the trip about 5 wks after op.x

OP posts:
lockdownparty · 18/07/2020 20:51

Will he be non weight bearing?

I've been non weight bearing before and couldn't really have coped at home alone.

Original poster
Busymum45 · 18/07/2020 23:41

Non weight bearing for 3-4 wks

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 18/07/2020 23:44

He’s told you to do it though?

IAintentDead · 18/07/2020 23:45

So long as he is weight bearing by the time you go I think it could be good for all of you to have that break.

So long as he can get drinks and heat frozen ready meals I can't see an issue and you will all appreciate each other more after

Original poster
Busymum45 · 18/07/2020 23:48

Yes he said to but he always wants us to be happy even of it means he isn't

OP posts:
cuntryclub · 18/07/2020 23:50

I would be wondering why he wanted me out of the way tbh. Why can't you have a holiday together? People do it with casts/crutches/wheelchairs all the time

Original poster
Busymum45 · 18/07/2020 23:52

He wants us to.have a break as will still be recovering and possibly still uncomfortable at that stage

OP posts:
Tillygetsit · 18/07/2020 23:56

I personally couldn't leave mine under those circumstances.

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 19/07/2020 00:01

Ohhh, I don't get some of the attitudes on here sometimes - suspicious of his motives to get you out of the way?!
Why?!
Has he ever given reason to make you think like that?
Or is it like here, where if DH had said that to me, I'd be like, "OK then?" and go? Grin
Seems you can't win.
DH makes you stay ay home and wait on him hand and foot. Controlling arsehole, LTB.
DH says all go for a night off as a break "What's he hiding?! Put the red flags up!"
Fuckers can't win lol Grin

I'd go, I've been on holidays without DH before as he's never usually bothered to go on them and I'm not going without just because he doesn't want to.

LonginesPrime · 19/07/2020 00:03

It sounds like he doesn't want to ruin your fun, OP, but I wonder if he's being completely realistic about the help he'll need?

Medievalist · 19/07/2020 00:03

I would be wondering why he wanted me out of the way tbh.

In the op's circumstances? Really?!!

Original poster
Busymum45 · 19/07/2020 00:06

Well if we book it's only one night, flexible only so can always change if needed nearer the time. He says he isn't bothered about going away this year but wants us to.( Holidays cancelled due to covid this year)

OP posts:
cuntryclub · 19/07/2020 00:10

Ohhh, I don't get some of the attitudes on here sometimes - suspicious of his motives to get you out of the way?!
Why?!
Has he ever given reason to make you think like that?

Well it was me that said it and he has never given me any reason to think it because I don't know him. From an outside POV it was the first thing I thought of. Perhaps because we holiday etc together and I can't even imagine going off and leaving my DH in similar circumstances.

It's ok to think there may be a reason. Equally there may not. It's not an attitude' just a simple thought.

WombatStewForTea · 19/07/2020 00:11

I think you might be overestimating how much he'll need you. I had major trauma surgery that left me in half leg casts on both legs, non weight bearing for 12 weeks. Within a week of being home I'd mastered everything I needed to. I was only 17. People can adapt.

Equally I'm sure he'd manage coming with you. If you get accomodation somewhere he can always stay behind on certain trips if it's too much.

cuntryclub · 19/07/2020 00:11

In the op's circumstances? Really?!!

Particularly. Yes. Just a thought.

Original poster
Busymum45 · 19/07/2020 00:12

Thanks, laughing at the person with extreme paranoia!!

OP posts:
cuntryclub · 19/07/2020 00:15

@Busymum45

Thanks, laughing at the person with extreme paranoia!!

Good god it's not extreme paranoia. It was just a thought. And believe me if you have spent any time at all on Mumsnet you would see why.

I'm not accusing your DH of anything, don't worry.

Original poster
Busymum45 · 19/07/2020 00:16

I would never dream of thinking anything, odd way to look at it really!

OP posts:
LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 19/07/2020 00:22

Just to add, if he's sure he'll be OK, got him settled in and all he needs I'd definitely take him up on the offer for a night away

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/07/2020 00:23

I cant see the harm in it , esp if he wants you to go. My DH had leg ops and whilst its really difficult in the first two weeks, by week three they are hobbling around - they have to hobble to the loo in the first week anyway. But you are talking about week 5. It was particularly hard on the kids not being able to do much..so I can see why it might be nice to have a short break to give them something to look forward to.
If you could get someone on standby to pop in, in case of emergency I think you'd be covered and you can always plan another mini break when he's more portable. I hope the surgery goes well.

BackforGood · 19/07/2020 00:26

I wouldn't book anything.
I'd wait and say "Well, we'll see how you are nearer the time"
then do exactly that.
If you've been told it will be "months of recovery", then it is likely to be that, so I can't see him being ready to be left alone for a couple of days just 5 weeks in Confused

Take it day by day, week by week, and see how he is getting on before making any decisions.

dontgobaconmyheart · 19/07/2020 00:34

As someone who 's had a number of surgeries OP I would just wait and think about it all nearer the time and see how he goes.
As a concept generally though, why not go? He is right that it need not mean everyone is stuck, I don't think it is a big deal really. I'd be happy to do the same with no issues.

MinnieJackson · 19/07/2020 00:35

Lol at people saying he wants you out of the way. He sounds lovely, a lot of husbands would be in the dressing gown of doom and putting on the creaky flu voice! If you want to go by yourself with the kids and he'll be ok for one night then go! If I was able to get around after an op I'd encourage my hubby to take the kids for a night.