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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL gift..

72 replies

Tunnocks34 · 18/07/2020 19:02

Ok so brief backstory..FIL (now deceased) was an alcoholic. Generally not violent, but was on occasion which was witness by DH as a child. He was more of a water as DH puts it. MIL kicked him out, but he’d get drunk and turn up at DH school etc. SIL seems to remember this as her dad turning up at school, making her laugh. DH vividly remembers him being drunk, wearing urine soaked trousers and DH got bullied and laughed at due to this. SIL stayed in sporadic contact with her dad (although she would often complain about him being drunk, or unkind), DH refused all contact from age 7.

Anyway, FIL died. OH wasn’t particularly bothered. He hadn’t seen him in 20 years. SIL was devastated. Fair enough - it’s not up to us to judge her grief.

Anyway, today she brings me and OH round a picture. It’s an A1 canvass, which is basically my three sons, merged onto a picture of her daughter and dog, with a massive picture of FIL with wings (in angel form) behind them, basically embracing them. It’s fucking monstrous.

DH has said he doesn’t want it, she’s calling us ungrateful and has called DH all sorts of names. I said perhaps we accept it, and store it under the stairs and just put it out when they come round (monthly) DH is adamant we’re not having it, SIL knows he had no relationship with FIL so even if the canvas wasn’t disgusting, he wouldn’t want it anyway. I mean..we’re not unreasonable surely?

OP posts:
star356789 · 18/07/2020 19:33

My grandad past when I was fifteen we were very close and a few times I've thought about getting on of these done a picture of him and my son.
However I would never get one for my mum as she would hate it it'd not a gift you just assume people would like NBU at all

DameFanny · 18/07/2020 19:45

That sounds HILARIOUS OP, like the religious Trump pictures I've seen online.

Sorry, nothing useful to say but LOL!

LouiseTrees · 18/07/2020 19:56

Put it in the loo. Let it accidentally fall to a watery conclusion.

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 18/07/2020 19:57

Christ my dad died 4 years ago and I loved him and miss him like mad and I wouldn't want a picture like this! Even without the history it sounds hideous, stand by your DH and do not let the monstrosity cross your threshold

LaurieFairyCake · 18/07/2020 20:03

that sounds pretty niche

Love that GrinGrinGrin

I loved my grandma but if my sister turned up with that I would wet myself laughing - and at some point she would join in

It's just so absurd and utterly tasteless

If it wasn't so outing I'd be asking you to post a picture of this

pictish · 18/07/2020 20:04

HWNBU...your sil is being a dick.

Apart from anything else it’s not the done thing to inflict your dreadful taste on another person’s household.
It sounds hideous.

Billben · 18/07/2020 20:04

Weird behaviour from your SIL fully knowing that your DH didn’t even go to his funeral. And as for the picture, it even sounds ghastly. Stick with your DH on this. Who cares what the SIL thinks.

Annabanana1234 · 18/07/2020 20:10

Yanbu. My df was an abusive and violent alcoholic and I refused contact with him from age 10. He emigrated, married and had another child. He died when I was 19 and his wife photoshopped a heap of pictures putting their son into existing pictures she got off of Bebo of my and my siblings. It was well weird. I casually Deleted my profile and have been careful about who I let see my stuff online ever since. Your sil is weird.

UncleShady · 18/07/2020 20:10

Very weird, even if your FIL had won the Nobel prize for fatherhood.

Reminds me if the painting my friend's DH commissioned of her two kids and his DS. I think they were surrounded by wolves, or had feathers or something. It was truly hideous. You know those paintings you can get of your dog dressed in a tuxedo? It was just like that but the kids dressed as animals Grin It was to celebrate them as a blended family but I think the only thing it did was join them together in pure astonishment that the DH actually paid for it.

timetest · 18/07/2020 20:11

I loved my Dad. He was great. To see him depicted as an angel in a picture like that would be horrific and Dad would have hated it too. Your sister is being ridiculous.

Fluffycloudland77 · 18/07/2020 20:13

Niche is my new go to word for bad taste 😂.

Dh’s ex had her dads photo on a candle in a goldfish type bowl on a place setting at her wedding. He never even met the groom. It was a very niche choice for the table decoration.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/07/2020 20:15

Omg. That sounds monstrous. Yanbu at all.

kingdomcapers · 18/07/2020 20:22

Even without the alcoholism and fractured relationship that picture would be a monstrosity. I couldn't imagine ever giving anything like that house room. YANBU

blardiblabla · 18/07/2020 20:22

Wowzers. YADNBU. It sounds bloody awful and insensitive, even if that wasn't the intention.

(Tbh, I don't like receiving any wall pics/canvases for presents, even if they're just normal photos with no history. I'll decide what I have up in my house, ta. I've only ever displayed one pic we've been gifted, out of probably 20+ 😂)

HisNibs · 18/07/2020 20:34

Your DH is definitely not unreasonable. Putting it nicely, from what you've described, it's inappropriate

Wearywithteens · 18/07/2020 20:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

ArnoJambonsBike · 18/07/2020 20:41

I'm sorry, but I would be keeping her away from my children.

No-one who shows such an appalling lack of judgment should be nowhere near a child.

ArnoJambonsBike · 18/07/2020 20:42

anywhere, obviously

Merryoldgoat · 18/07/2020 20:48

I have no words but YADNBU.

Wyntersdiary · 18/07/2020 21:19

i wouldnt accept it either. She knows he didnt have a relationship with him so its actually pretty rude

Tunnocks34 · 18/07/2020 21:57

Thanks everyone!

OP posts:
EverdeRose · 19/07/2020 09:06

Hell to the no!
Burn it, bury it, refuse to accept it, but whatever you do, don't put that monstrosity up.
If SIL likes it so much, give her it back then she can have 2.

gabsdot45 · 19/07/2020 09:12

It is the height of rudeness to give someone a present like that. Even if you adored your FIL. The expectation that you'll display a huge price of art that they chose in your house is very unreasonable IMO.
YARBU.

Abitouting · 19/07/2020 09:15

YANBU. Your SIL is delusional.

Happynow001 · 19/07/2020 09:19

I'm completely with your DH on this one - especially given the past history which will still be clear in his kind. Your SIL is being totally unreasonable here as well as very insensitive to her brother.

If she's left it with you tell her she's got a finite time to collect it (give her a date/time before the binmen arrive) and then put it in the trash if not collected by the deadline.