To refuse to feed DD?

[Tiredandfedup21]

DD just turned two. She used to be really good at feeding herself but we moved a few months ago and suddenly stopped so I’ve been feeding her with a fork to get her to eat anything substantial and have probably set a bad habit. She now won’t feed herself.

I read yesterday that children should be feeding themselves completely by 2 (but are usually able to much earlier!) so I’ve decided to not feed her at all. She ate a surprisingly good dinner last night plus fed herself a yogurt so I thought we had success!

This morning, however, she has literally eaten 3 spoons of porridge herself and that was with me putting the porridge on the spoon and handing it to her. I can tell she’s still hungry because she’s clawing at my boob (a whole different thread!)

I don’t want to feed her but feel bad that she’s obviously hungry! Wwyd? Do I persevere? I know they say children won’t starve themselves but I feel so guilty!

My DD is nearly two and although she can feed herself, most of the time she doesn't. I'm not worried, she'll do it when she wants to.

I would leave her to it, she can do it.

I’m not sure I’ve never fed any of my kids at all. If you just stop feeding her would she not just eventually pick it back up? I mean she might be hungry initially but once she figured it out then surely she’d be ok? Sorry not much help!

Give her some pieces of toast that she can pick up easily and see if she will feed herself then

YABU. You are expecting a 2 year old to understand why she now has to work harder to get food, and do it, overnight.

Maybe start by serving both your meals together, and only feeding her once you've had yours? Or letting her feed herself at the least stressful meal of the day first?

Having to spoonfeed a NT 5yo is rare, she will get there. Also, if you stress about mess, don't whilst she is learning to feed herself. Just accept sweeping up after meals is your future..

If she was feeding herself with no problems last night then I think you need to persevere.

If she was refusing or wasn't able to feed herself that would be a different matter, but it sounds like she has the ability and the will to do it when she wants.

I'd be a bit more flexible with snacks so she's not going hungry, but I'd try to make her feed herself.

Perhaps make it into a game - the more spoons she gets into her mouth on her own the more points she gets (or similar!).

Personally I'd just feed her. Otherwise you'll be stressing about how much she eats. When my DS was 3 he went through a phase of refusing to feed himself, but he loved feeding his little sister (2 yrs younger). So we had this bizarre triangle where I fed him and he fed her at every meal!

It won't last forever. My DS is 14 now and is a brilliant eater - eats anything, likes to try new food, always finishes his veggies etc.

Feed her. Take turns, or make a game out of it. don't make too much of an issue of it, I did with my first and we're still paying the price.

Just leave her to it. Every meal. Put out some foods that she can pick up and chew, like toast or slices of fruit at meals like breakfast.

Otherwise, leave her to it.

Go back to finger foods for a couple of days. Toast and fruit, sandwiches and chopped veg etc
Praise her every time she eats something by herself.

she might be tired, she is so young, just feed her her breakfast,

I did this. DS developed reflux at age 1 and started vomiting after everything he ate. This then led on to an almost complete food aversion. Left to his own devices he would eat a mouthful of a meal and leave the rest. He would, however, eat a whole meal if I fed him. So I did. I was still feeding him at 3 but now he's 5 it's very rare I have to help him. I didn't make a conscious decision to stop it just happened naturally. I'd just go with it if it's what she wants for now.

@Tinamou
That brings me back!

DS1 loved feeding DS2. Ds2 loved being fed by DS1. DS1 would say he was exhausted!!! from feeding DS1 and would I feed him....It went on for a few days and then reverted to him feeding himself.

Nice memory😁

😁

Honestly, I’d let her feed herself as much as she wants and when she asked for you to do it, I would. You know she can and in a few months she’ll decide you’re not allowed to do anything and she has to do it. Toddlers. You’ve got to pick your battles and that’s not one I’d bother about tbh. I’d happily spoon feed my 2.5 year old if it’d mean he’d actually eat anything other than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. (Not that I’d be allowed to feed him!)

Two is still so little, I wouldn't be pushing the issue now personally. BLW my DC so perfectly capable of feeding themselves but even now at 4yo, if tired/cranky/distracted I'll help if needs be. It's never stopped them feeding themselves at school/in a restuarant/at someone else's house or from using cutlery etc.

It's not a battle worth having. What matters is that she eats. These things sort themselves out in the end. Fight her on it and you'll only make it worse.

We used to make p porridge fingers (like crap flapjack) so dc could feed themselves. But this thread has made me realise how much I've already forgotten!

@billy1966 sweet!

Feed her when she needs you to. She’s only young. Don’t say anything or make a big deal. Just feed her when you see it’s needed.

I still feed my older DD when she’s tired. She’s in Reception.

They’ll find their own way in time but little children need support sometimes - and age 2 is very little.

It's not the end of the world.

Presumably she's still feeling unsettled. Just feed her. Give her the chance to do it herself too. Make it a take turns game later. lots of finger foods.

Don't make it a battle. You'll lose.

Thank you guys for all your advice! I’ll definitely continue to encourage her to eat but will help her. I was just worried I was hindering her rather than helping, especially when I know she’s perfectly capable! Annoyingly she has never been a fan of easy foods like toast but I can make some of those breakfast flapjacks things, I best she will love them!

Could she be looking for extra security and comfort from you by regressing a bit to a time when she felt safer? Needing to BF more would point to this too. I’ve always given the extra comfort when they seem to need it, and found they snap out of it on their own once they’re ready. The drive to be independent is strong so it’s not like you’ll be feeding her forever.

I agree with @SandMason

My two year does things like this when she wants a bit of extra attention from me (or wants to divert my attention from her father or other adult conversation 😂).

I normally go along with it for a bit then say something like 'mummy just has to finish off the dinner / get a drink / put on the washing machine etc. Can you help me please by finishing it off?'

(I dont leave her alone to eat - she has a father - before anyone jumps on me)

Then I praise her for doing it 'all by herself' because I noticed that was her catchphrase when she was proud of herself.

I noticed that if I got upset or exasperated by anything she'd be delighted and it would become the start of a wonderful new game/power struggle. So I try to let things go and just think I'll probably not be hand feeding her at 25. And if I am, then she can explore her dates why I have to go to dinner with them (and why we'll all be cosleeping later).

I feel your pain with breastfeeding- I only stopped a few weeks ago at 2.5. I don't miss the claw hands trying to rip my tops apart.