Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a CF or AIBU

32 replies

Hangingwithmygnomies · 18/07/2020 00:36

We have a local FB page where you can post items for free. I'm having a clear out of children's toys ready for my son's birthday next week. I gave away a child's ride along toy to someone and 20 minutes after it was collected, it was on a different local selling site for a fee. Now normally it wouldn't really bother me but this particular free site states that items aquired are not to be sold on and I put it up as someone might have wanted it who (given current financial climate for many) might not be able to afford it. My DH thinks it's not an issue but I feel really pissed off. I sent them a message and called them out on it, to be told their DC "didn't want it" and they had bills to pay and they were looking out for their family. I get that but it cost them nothing, so if they didn't want it they could've passed it onto someone else. The only reason I offered it was because I was hoping to help someone, not have someone turn a profit on it. So AIBU or were they?

OP posts:
Vivana · 18/07/2020 00:39

Definitely a CF

Iverunoutofnames · 18/07/2020 00:41

It’s why it’s always worth asking a nominal fee. Free CFs are the worst.

Baileyscheesecake · 18/07/2020 00:42

Complain to the admin of the fb page and get them banned from the group. They are clearly not abiding by the group rules.

excuseforfights · 18/07/2020 00:45

I agree get them banned.

StormzyInaDCup · 18/07/2020 00:47

Does it really matter that much? Yes it's annoying and you wanted to do a kind thing, but what if they are genuinely hard up? Is it really worth it.

Original poster
Hangingwithmygnomies · 18/07/2020 00:50

@Iverunoutofnames

It’s why it’s always worth asking a nominal fee. Free CFs are the worst.
I did and apparently it had already been clocked by someone else and reported, so they were banned. I know it might seem silly but we live in a fairly deprived area, so I feel for the genuine ones who wanted it as something nice for their child. By no means are we well off and it's only this year that we've got ourselves in a better financial position, so I wanted to give something back to those who aren't
OP posts:
Original poster
Hangingwithmygnomies · 18/07/2020 00:54

@StormzyInaDCup

Does it really matter that much? Yes it's annoying and you wanted to do a kind thing, but what if they are genuinely hard up? Is it really worth it.
I guess not really but it's really bothered me. Especially since I found out that they've done it on a few things and they didn't even wait 20 minutes before they out it up for sale!
OP posts:
Queenoftheashes · 18/07/2020 00:56

Yeah it’s a shitty thing to do.
At least they got banned.

Iverunoutofnames · 18/07/2020 00:56

I think ‘free’ just attracts certain people, a few pounds always put them off. Either that or give to charity (you might have a local charity who will give it directly to someone in need).

I always remember DHs mate (a friggin doctor) answered an advert for a free pram, he was so pleased with his bargain. The people giving it away for free were trying to do good and give it to someone in need (they were not pleased when mate turned up for it).

AlCalavicci · 18/07/2020 01:02

Certainly a CFer , I doubt very much that she managed to get it home let the DC play with it for long enough decide he/she doent like it and get it up for sale all in 20 mins,

Stompythedinosaur · 18/07/2020 01:05

Yeah, they are a cf and have rightly been banned.

How irritating for you.

Original poster
Hangingwithmygnomies · 18/07/2020 01:07

sorry above should've been to @Baileyscheesecake not @Iverunoutofnames

Alot of the charity shops are still not collecting around my area so not really possible. I do feel for them as the response was basically along the lines of "my DC didn't want it and I've got bills to pay" but to me, that doesn't justify taking from the genuine people. I try and give back wherever I can, as the current situation makes me realise that actually, although we're not well off, we have more than others.

OP posts:
Iverunoutofnames · 18/07/2020 01:10

If charity shops won’t take things (especially larger items) you might find someone in the local childrens centre or food bank who can place it directly with someone who really needs it. Depends what you have going locally.

Original poster
Hangingwithmygnomies · 18/07/2020 01:16

@Iverunoutofnames

If charity shops won’t take things (especially larger items) you might find someone in the local childrens centre or food bank who can place it directly with someone who really needs it. Depends what you have going locally.
That's a good idea - I didn't think of the local children's centre! I think I'll do that from now on, if they can take them
OP posts:
Leaannb · 18/07/2020 01:21

@Hangingwithmygnomies

sorry above should've been to *@Baileyscheesecake not @Iverunoutofnames*

Alot of the charity shops are still not collecting around my area so not really possible. I do feel for them as the response was basically along the lines of "my DC didn't want it and I've got bills to pay" but to me, that doesn't justify taking from the genuine people. I try and give back wherever I can, as the current situation makes me realise that actually, although we're not well off, we have more than others.

I'm not say Omg your being unreasonable. I certainly get your point. But I would still think of it as giving back and I wouldn't judge the woman for immediately selling it. It might be literally the only way to help the child. A cool you is always great but so is having food in their belly
ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia · 18/07/2020 01:26

Sounds like the very definition of taking liberties! Textbook opportunism premeditated and exploitation of someone's good will and breach of good faith goodwill and trust! Demand return of item as these people are probably serial fraudsters gaming the system for profit!. This abuse of fairness will ultimately discourage charitable behaviour and eventually self defeating if this becomes a trend.

Who with family don't have bills to pay?

Probably sounds harsh but the child has been effectively weaponised for financial gain. Poor child unless very remote possibility that proceeds of resale will fun alternative ideal toy for child.

Italiangreyhound · 18/07/2020 01:27

YADNBU. It was a crappy thing for them to do.

TheVamoosh · 18/07/2020 01:28

Yes, it's cheeky, but I'd assume someone who did that was in serious financial trouble. So, if your goal was to help someone, you still did that.

Original poster
Hangingwithmygnomies · 18/07/2020 01:29

@Leaannb I get your point, I really do and I think if it had been anything other than a child's toy (and against particular site rules) I maybe would not be bothered so much but I know the site was set up to particularly help those less fortunate, to get things they might otherwise not be able to afford. My husband's attitude was like "meh, that's what people do" which is why I wondered if I was BU to be irked by it

OP posts:
Original poster
Hangingwithmygnomies · 18/07/2020 01:35

@TheVamoosh

Yes, it's cheeky, but I'd assume someone who did that was in serious financial trouble. So, if your goal was to help someone, you still did that.
I think that's the way I need to look at it. Maybe it was naive of me to think someone wouldn't do this? We're on reduced income due to furlough and my husband having to close his business for weeks and I know we're not the only ones
OP posts:
Crumpets111 · 18/07/2020 01:38

Wow that is outrageous OP, I am with you on this!

Didkdt · 18/07/2020 01:52

There are toy libraries toddler groups and charities like Bessom who could have ensured it went the direction you wanted maybe try that next time. Otherwise stuff like this is inevitable

DisobedientHamster · 18/07/2020 02:01

YANBU

lukasiak · 18/07/2020 02:22

It is cheeky, but for your own sake try and frame it in your mind as somebody who was in a good place in life wouldn't be doing something like that, so in a backwards way you still did help someone.

Justgivemewine · 18/07/2020 02:37

Yanbu, these free sites unfortunately attract the CF’S.

We have a CF on our local one who constantly replies to posts asking if they can have an item, then on another post had the cheek to complain about greedy people... oh the irony.

People seem to be wising up to her at last and she hardly gets anything off anybody now.

Swipe left for the next trending thread