Going out with a toddler at the moment is more stressful than fun

[brababab]

Went to a local wildlife park today. Was so excited as my toddler loves it there.

There are lots of arrows pointing in the direction that we should walk in. I found this really stressful. My toddler will go back and forth and will stop to look at things (not necessarily the animals, but a flower or a bit of wood etc). Normally I would encourage him to do this and I love how inquisitive he is, however I don't want to hold people up so have to usher him along, which results in a tantrum because he REALLY wanted to look at the flower.

Sometimes he will walk too close to people, and today I was tutted at as my son made a quick dash towards the meerkat enclosure, and got too close to a couple who were stood there. When I walked away the woman made a comment about not being able to control my child and 'if you can't get them to socially distance then don't go out'

It had been an incredibly long and tedious trip and I ended up crying in the car. Pathetic. I just felt so overwhelmed. My son was asleep so didn't see me cry.

Going out with a rambunctious toddler to nice places at the moment is really stressful due to social distancing. He is desperate to play with other children but I have to pull him away which he finds upsetting and again, ends up tantrumming.

I am totally fine with dealing with tantrums when I have to say no, but when you're saying no dozens of times to things such as wanting to play with another kid, going to wrong direction, running too close to someone, etc, it's exhausting.

I don't blame people for getting upset. People are scared.

Does anyone else feel similar?

Yanbu, my dc are a bit older, so understand more about social distancing but there just really isn't much for children to do is there?

It's been such a miserable time for children and even now things are opening back up, a lot of it just feels too stressful to bother with young kids.

Though in all honesty if I were you I'd just crack on and do what you need to do. As long as you're trying your best I wouldn't let miserable people stop you from going anywhere.

I got a filthy look and tutted at by a couple because my 4 year old scooted near them. Near them NOT into them. We were on a cycle path and they were actually standing blocking the path. I shouted out to my dc to move out of the way and he did, but because he got a little bit close they were gawping and shaking their heads and staring at me with mouths like this

@TempsPerdu

I remember a thread right at the beginning of lockdown and people were saying 'toddlers won't remember' and 'toddlers are resilient' and I struggled to get my head round this. This is such a crucial part of their development.

This. I’m a former teacher and have an MA in a subject allied to child development. While it’s true that most very young children won’t have vivid memories of this period, some of them are likely to suffers from future issues if they are unable to interact with others and explore the world during this crucial developmental window. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if, in a few years time, teachers were flagging up increased social and communication difficulties among this cohort of kids as they start school.

As for ‘resilience’, well yes ideally children do need to develop this, but I very much doubt that keeping children confined in a domestic bubble, separate from their peers and with (in many cases) vastly increased screen time is a particularly effective means of achieving this!

This is the main reason I sent my DD back to nursery. With no siblings and no interaction with anyone other than us, I knew we weren't enough for her. No amount of me playing with her compensates for that kind of social learning environment.

At least with older children you can explain it all, to a degree. For my LO, she didn't know anything other than that she wasn't allowed to go in the park anymore or play with her friends at nursery. I fully understand that these are "unprecedented times"™️ but the effect of all this will be staggering.

Tempsperdu totally agree, I think when I naively thought this was going to go on for 6-8 weeks it was a case of just deal with it, but now it's clear this is going to go on for some time. I refuse to keep my dc cooped up at home.

I didn't realise how much I did with them before this happened and everything is a learning experience for a young child.

Also as others have said the risk of outdoor transmission is extremely low - unfortunately plenty of people still aren’t grasping this, and view a toddler passing them at less than 2m in a park as akin to being sneezed on in a crowded train carriage.

On the child development front, I do wonder what long term damage forcing our children to distance from others will do to them psychologically - for this reason we’ve tried to enforce distancing subtly without explicitly explaining the reasons for it to DD (who at 2 isn’t old enough to rationalise viruses etc anyway).

Yanbu. I feel very sorry for children and teenagers with lockdown and social distancing. Was there no way of letting people passed you on the one way system? Could you not duck in a bit to give them space and then take your time? In terms of the couple who were tutting though, was it a children’s attraction? If so, I would be telling them they should expect children at a children’s attraction. If not, I think you just need some recommendations of local things that are super kid friendly. Our local zoo is now a drive thru zoo so you’d be able to do that. Or find parks with playgrounds. Walks with wide paths or would your DC go in a pushchair?

I'm not requiring my 3 year old to socially distance. Community transmission rates are extremely low, if adults continue to be careful, minimise unnecessary mixing/crowds etc and we all continue with lots if handwashing, I think the reduction in risk from making toddlers social distance is not worth the extent to which we are fucking up a whole generation of childrens social development.

Ps OP could you perhaps mix with some other friends with children outdoors? If other parents are happy with it, let the children play together. Take hand gel and do everyone's hands and encourage games with lots of running around. The chance they'll actually be close together for long is minimal.

I make loud passive aggressive comments now: "Yes my love, that couple WERE too close! How silly of them to be walking side to side on such a narrow pavement

Love this 😂 I would do the same without a shadow of a doubt!

I've got a 2yo and it sounds very stressful where you are OP. I've been taking DD out for walks every day and we've not experienced the comments or tutting that you've had to put up with - if anything people have been smiling and seemed happy to see a small child enjoying the outdoors. We have been going to the local zoo almost every week since it reopened (we got a membership as so many other places have closed). I will gently steer her away from other people, but inevitably sometimes she doesn't always maintain social distancing, but generally people here are fine as long as they see you're making an effort (but I would say the majority of people aren't bothered either way). There's a one way system but I don't mind it, the paths are very wide and in fact it's been a bit easier to follow specific routes than randomly choose which animal to see next.

DD has been going to nursery for a few hours every week to get the opportunity to socially interact with other toddlers - she used to go to toddler classes and she has really missed them, so I signed her up as soon as they reopened so she could have a chance to socialise and play normally. That's definitely been important for her social development.

I'm so relieved that mine are 7 and 9 and can sensibly go in a particular direction and be less hands on without making it into a big issue for them to have to relearn normal interractions in the future.

I haven't forgotten the toddler/ pre-schooler years and they are hard work at the best of times.

I had a toddler coming up to me at a bench at the zoo, so I talked to him normally. The chances of him infecting my knee caps were minimal.

In early lockdown I was running and paused to let a mum and 4 yo pass along a narrow section of path and he started talking to me about the cut on his hand, so I sympathised and chatted as I normally would.

Young children need the kindness of others more than ever at the moment. They learn by doing and observing and random chats, and need to be allowed to behave naturally.

I am concerned that this prolonged phase of limited and unnatural social behaviour will have a long lasting impact on this generation of children, yet they are the least likely to be ill or spread the virus.

Stories like this annoy me.

I think ‘if you can’t handle a toddler getting within 2meters of you don’t go out yourself* is a better mantra.
WTF do people expect us to keep small children in darkened rooms for 6 months so that middle aged couples and retirees can wander the (frankly aimed at families and children anyway) attractions in ‘safety’!

^ The people who tutted at you OP will be the same ones donning their surgical masks and elbowing others out of the way for cheese in Marks and Sparks on a Saturday morning.

It’s getting ridiculous, it feels like covid is turning into a giant excuse to exile small ‘annoying or rambunctious’ kids from society.

So so unhealthy to control small kids like this. It gives people who don’t like kids free reign also now.
You’ll get someone along soon or already to say you should control your child , etc , etc....
At that age kids are all instinctive and unrestrained and uninfluenced by societies’ expectations and limits. Plenty of time to learn it later on and yes it is too early to teach them this and totally unhealthy.
This is a great stage of life and lovely to see (even if unrelaxing for the adult)
Near older people I am careful when out with my kids but absolutely no way am I apologizing or restraining/berating them constantly for doing things that are normal. Some people really dislike kids and coronavirus gives them a great excuse. The future belongs to our children , what happens now shapes them psychologically etc. I believe that some people don’t like children because they resent their youth and their long futures.
Let your kids run and explore while sensibly evaluating risks. Adults are as likely if not more to be vectors than children. It’s time to stop vilifying them.

@BogRollBOGOF Same here, I make a point of waving at small children, talking to them and/or their parents; parenting can be so fucking isolated at times, and this just adds to the stress. Though now I've written that I sound like a weirdo.