Going out with a toddler at the moment is more stressful than fun

[brababab]

Went to a local wildlife park today. Was so excited as my toddler loves it there.

There are lots of arrows pointing in the direction that we should walk in. I found this really stressful. My toddler will go back and forth and will stop to look at things (not necessarily the animals, but a flower or a bit of wood etc). Normally I would encourage him to do this and I love how inquisitive he is, however I don't want to hold people up so have to usher him along, which results in a tantrum because he REALLY wanted to look at the flower.

Sometimes he will walk too close to people, and today I was tutted at as my son made a quick dash towards the meerkat enclosure, and got too close to a couple who were stood there. When I walked away the woman made a comment about not being able to control my child and 'if you can't get them to socially distance then don't go out'

It had been an incredibly long and tedious trip and I ended up crying in the car. Pathetic. I just felt so overwhelmed. My son was asleep so didn't see me cry.

Going out with a rambunctious toddler to nice places at the moment is really stressful due to social distancing. He is desperate to play with other children but I have to pull him away which he finds upsetting and again, ends up tantrumming.

I am totally fine with dealing with tantrums when I have to say no, but when you're saying no dozens of times to things such as wanting to play with another kid, going to wrong direction, running too close to someone, etc, it's exhausting.

I don't blame people for getting upset. People are scared.

Does anyone else feel similar?

I wouldn’t let my 3 year old run into people but if the choice is stay home or let her interact and go about as “normal”, then I’m choosing the latter.
She mixes at nursery, the playground, we go to the farm....sorry but that’s Important.
I’m going to very sad when masks become mandatory and she seeings only expressionless faces, I hope that lifts soon.

I meet with other friends who are ok with toddlers not social distancing. I went to a wildlife park yesterday and my daughter (16 months) was not aware of social distancing, I just did my best to grab her if she went too close to people. But stopping to look at a flower or a stick - fine. People can wait or walk past, their choice.

Can’t believe people were rude to you. If you go to that sort of attraction, there will be children. Young children can’t social distance. If you don’t like it, don’t go. The chances of catching covid from someone walking within 2m of you for a few seconds are absolutely minuscule, especially outside.

@Raimona The mask is to protect OTHERS from catching Covid - not for preventing the wearer.

The outing sounds ill advised at this time. Zoos are awful anyway!

“ But stopping to look at a flower or a stick - fine. People can wait or walk past, their choice.“

The tutting is hard to ignore though (I mean, I do, but it doesn’t make for a pleasant outing). I have a 2yo and a baby and if we go out for walks I have the baby in a sling and I usually need the buggy too for safety and sometimes for just getting ourselves back to the house or car - I can’t always wait for him to take his own time and i need to have a way to stop him running off if necessary. So we need buggy friendly routes, and we are fortunate to have quite a few of these walking routes (I live near a woodland trust site). But we take up a certain amount of space and toddlers like to roam to and fro and don’t tend to go in a straight line all the time, and people can be pretty scathing when showing their intolerance for us being in public and enjoying the same amenities. I encourage and play little games with him and we do have nice little outings, and it’s not like I’m going to the same places all the time, but those who previously felt that mothers and children shouldn’t be in public now feel free to let their feelings be known in the name of social distancing - as far as they are concerned I am selfish to take up space and not keep to the walking speed they deem acceptable.

If you can’t take preschoolers to the fucking zoo what’s the point/ this world needs to get a grip. If adults aka the super spreaders, can go to the pub, primark and every other bloody activity then let’s not hold children back.

I completely agree with you on that point OnlyFoolsnMothers. I’m not a fan of zoos so I’m not likely to take mine there but if preschoolers aren’t allowed anywhere at all then we have really lost sight of the point.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I completely agree with you. If you can have people drinking on the streets or at house parties then a small child can run around the zoo. If you are that concerned about contracting covid stay out of large public places..
And people can feck right off with the tutting, say what you have to say in a reasonable way or keep it to yourself.

My kids are 5 and 7 and I can't be arsed with the hassle of taking them out anywhere at the moment.

I think what annoys me is there are so many people out and about places I wouldn't dream of going being so precious about social distancing. And I have been pretty lax! IMO, you know the beach is full of people. If you don't want to see people, don't go to the beach surely?!

I feel the same OP. I have a newly turned 3 year old and a 5 month old. The anxiety around going out and trying to maintain digital distance has made most trips just not worth it. Something I have found helps is I have a pram for the baby and have bought a buggy board my three year old can jump into. If we get to a particularly crowded area I put her on it too, it means I don’t have to worry about her running into people. Could you get a little pull along car or scooter etc that you could pop him on when it’s busier?

God some people are pathetic! Fancy tutting and making comments at a toddler enjoying a wildlife park!

My DD is 13months now and fully walking, she’s enjoying exploring the world and I want to start taking her places but just don’t know what to do for the best! I wish things would get back to some normality!

We've been down to the beach today and very few people were being arsey about pre-schoolers not socially distancing fortunately.

But I has looked at our local wildlife park.and couoke of English Heritage places and between the tedious compulsory booking and one-way systems when you get there that did seem like too much hassle for now.

I can't imagine the wildlife park without being able to let the children decide which animals we go to and go back and forth.

I have a 23mo and I know exactly how you feel!

Luckily I'm not working, so I've been able to take him to places in the mornings during the week when it's not as busy. That helps a lot. I don't worry about dithering and sometimes if there's nobody around I don't worry about the arrows either. I try to show him look, the arrow says we need to go this way, but if it's not going to result in us getting too close to anybody and nobody is around to complain, then it doesn't really matter.

Obviously every child and their development is different, but I do think you're making slight excuses.

DS is 20 months and fully understands when I say "look where you're going" "mind those people" "stand to one side" etc

We have enjoyed loads of family days out (zoo/parks/farms etc)

Don't pass your anxiety and worry onto your child.

There are plenty of ways to go about this

DS is 20 months and fully understands when I say "look where you're going" "mind those people" "stand to one side" etc

My 21 month old son would genuinely not understand any of these things. He understands my tone of voice and that I want him to do something, he only says around 7/8 words, but if I said "stand to one side" he wouldn't have a clue!

@pepsicola5

Every child is different

If I shout "stand to one side" my toddler will stop, look at me to see which side im looking at and run to that side and wait so I do always think it's worth lots of practice/giving it a go in a safe environment before a busy outing

“ DS is 20 months and fully understands when I say "look where you're going" "mind those people" "stand to one side" etc”

Indeed, my son understood at 20mo, but many are still learning, and many older preschoolers will want to test boundaries which is normal and important. However I’m sure it’s my inferior parenting skills that mean that my 2yo doesn’t always manage to move as quickly as adults around us would like, resulting in rude comments and tutting. I personally am also talking about when I am on my own with baby and toddler - it is easier when my husband is there to stick my 2yo on his shoulders etc

@CM0TD

Never said anything about inferior parenting but if you wish to be sensitive about something then go ahead.

Obviously it's much more difficult if there is another child to factor in.

And quite clearly, as I said, every child is different.

But practicing does help.

Nah you were making a bit of a dickish comment with “Don't pass your anxiety and worry onto your child”. Things are harder at the moment. Be understanding.

My kids are a bit older but honestly I wouldn't stress about it too much, just crack on. The horrible people obviously didn't have children of their own!

It's extremely unlikely your toddler is going to spread corona virus to anyone. We need to start getting back to normal now, that includes little kids!

Those people sound rude. Of course the toddler can stop and look at a flower etc. They can walk by if they're in such a hurry. Miserable bastards.

I feel your pain OP. DD is 2.5 and usually pretty sensible - she doesn’t run off and will respond to instructions - but toddlers are random and inquisitive and they’re hardwired to want to look at things and explore their surroundings, which is obviously how they learn and develop.

Going out anywhere at the moment is quite an undertaking, what with booking ahead, one way systems and social distancing, but we’re still taking DD to as many places as we can because we want her to be properly socialised and to be able to function normally in the world. Pandemic or no pandemic, children need to see a range of different people and engage in everyday social interactions in order to develop properly - for example DP took her to our local market this morning to buy fruit and vegetables, and the market traders all know her and chat to her. We have made reasonable adjustments but I refuse to make DD’s world any more limited that it has to be.

Unfortunately we’re finding that Covid has caused a small but vocal minority of people (and some businesses) to be very intolerant of children in any public space and we have had several incidents now where we’ve been told that DD should be kept indoors and let out only for park walks! Also lots of disapproving glances and tutting if I ever dare to take DD into a shop, to return a parcel etc. The early media coverage about children being potential ‘super spreaders’ has done a lot of damage in some quarters.

That said, we’ve had some lovely days out at attractions that have recently reopened - went to a wildlife park this week and the day felt almost normal, probably helped by the fact that young families made up the majority there, so plenty of toddler randomness!

@CM0TD

Massively understanding. But there really is no need to get stressed over arrows on the floor and minor things like that.

I remember a thread right at the beginning of lockdown and people were saying 'toddlers won't remember' and 'toddlers are resilient' and I struggled to get my head round this. This is such a crucial part of their development.

This. I’m a former teacher and have an MA in a subject allied to child development. While it’s true that most very young children won’t have vivid memories of this period, some of them are likely to suffers from future issues if they are unable to interact with others and explore the world during this crucial developmental window. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if, in a few years time, teachers were flagging up increased social and communication difficulties among this cohort of kids as they start school.

As for ‘resilience’, well yes ideally children do need to develop this, but I very much doubt that keeping children confined in a domestic bubble, separate from their peers and with (in many cases) vastly increased screen time is a particularly effective means of achieving this!

I completely understand this, and I've got a pretty clued up toddler. We weren't ones for organised trips before lockdown (mainly due to lack of money, no car etc) so DD is used to forest walks and stuff like that, but does love to wander and have a look around at things.

This has caused stress because I feel like I have to manage her in a way I don't want to do. I don't want to teach her that it's our obligation to move out of the way but some people are just dicks when it comes to little kids - tutting and eye rolling. I make loud passive aggressive comments now: "Yes my love, that couple WERE too close! How silly of them to be walking side to side on such a narrow pavement". It doesn't really help, but I do feel much better about it.

Tomorrow is a new day, so be kind to yourself. DD has a really cute backpack with reins, might that work? She loves wearing it, and it's been a game changer for me during lockdown.