To be disillusioned by my "great" life?

[AnExistentialcrisis]

I've NC for this as I'm self conscious about how I'm feeling but need to get it off my chest.
I think I'm having an existential crisis. Despite having a good life on the surface I feel like I'm wasting my life.
I am 29, well educated (1st class degree at good uni) I have a good career with lots of autonomy and a decent pay (£32k) but the work isnt rewarding and I'm soo bored there. I do volunteer at a crisis helpline which gives me some purpose.
I own my own house and lucky enough to afford 2 foreign holidays a year. I have a great group of friends I've had since school but no boyfriend. I'm fairly average looking and on the shy side so find meeting guys difficult. I spend most evenings alone, reading a book or watching tv.
I feel like I'm wasting my life. I dont know how to help myself be happy or what's even missing as on the surface I am very lucky to have what I have. Should I change my job for something I'm passionate about? Or should I try to build meaningful relationships out with work so it isn't what dominates my life?

It sounds like you're a bit bored and need a challenge. It'll probably sort itself out but you're going through some sort of restless transition period perhaps.

It’s only a great life if that’s what makes you happy. Sounds like you have made sensible but safe decisions which is good but is there anything you’ve wanted to do that you haven’t yet. Could be the time to try

Could you rent out your house and travel for a year? Or volunteer overseas? Sometime that crystallises priorities. You are younger than you think!

Could you rent out your house and travel for a year? Or volunteer overseas? Sometime that crystallises priorities. You are younger than you think!

When I got to my late 20s, I felt similar. I was obtaining more and more on my “to be achieved” list but was feeling more and more miserable. I found a really great counsellor (tried a couple till I found one that worked for me) and it was life-changing. I basically was achieving the wrong list - a list created by my opinion on the “ideal version of me” that was quite different from the list the “real me” wanted to focus on. Changed my life.
If meeting new friends/potential partners is important and you are shy, then I find the best way is to join activities that you love that means you met people weekly because you’re doing the same thing and getting to know them can be done slowly. Appreciate may need to wait till lockdown has lifted but an example that would work for me would be running activity: Running club/Parkrun/ladies running club.

Yes I think you are both right. I have made very safe choices as I did what was expected of me- uni, job, buy house without really thinking about what I want. I would love to do a job that I'm passionate about but I'm too comfortable in my current job to take the plunge. I dont know how I would pay the mortgage etc. I know its dramatic but feel like I'm wasting my life and my youth.

OfficialLurker I think you have hit the nail on the head. I have put a lot of time and energy in to achieving a checklist of life achievements but now I have them I'm realising its not what I want. My family are quite poor so me going to university qnd being able to buy a house is a big deal. I definitely dont have money to go off travelling as I help my disabled mum financially aswell. I dont really have any hobbies so not sure what club I would join

Do you know what line of work you would feel passionately about? Clearly you get a lot out of your volunteer work - is there the possibility of a paid job in that kind of field?

I think if you follow @lifeafter50's suggestion of letting your house out and doing volunteer work overseas for a year, you will find out a lot about yourself and grow in confidence - which I think is the only thing you're lacking, from what you say.

I used to feel your way. I moved abroad and got a job there. The plan was to only stay for a short while, learn the language, meet new people, learn about new cultures but I ended up staying. I am now married there and with children. I am really glad I did that and feel I would have been unfulfilled had I not.
The move abroad though was quite organised though: I made sure I had a job there before going, research the country a lot, etc. Leaving without a plan wouldn't have been for me. I do admire those who do though!

Does your chosen career path have the opportunity of getting more in depth / more interesting as time goes on?

I wouldn't consider this an especially well paid job, by the way. So if it's not floating your boat - try something else!

The idea of travel / moving abroad sounds fun.

Not sure why you consider your life "great" if you are not happy.

I think volunteering would be a good first step. Something to do, potentially finding new friends, maybe discovering ways to feel fulfilled that work might not provide. You will hopefully learn about yourself and then can use that knowledge to plan some life changes over the next few years. I would write a list of all the types of things you might like to volunteer at and then pick a couple to investigate. If the first volunteer role doesnt fit, look for another one....

Would your current job allow you to take, say, a 6-month sabbatical? I know someone who did this for similar reasons to yours. She was older than you, but the feelings were the same. - plus she was worried that she would never meet anyone and have children. She intended to spend six months travelling around Europe; in her first week in Italy, she met an English man whom she's now still with almost 20 years later, and they have two teenagers... She also went back to her old job, but negotiated a role that suited her better.

I would suggest write a list of all the random things you would like to try once (yoga, zumba, metal detecting, big cat sighting, local history, walk with an OS map, visit historical building, swim in the river etc) and then do say one trial thing a week.
You never know where it might lead, maybe finding something new that you love, and the company of other people.

At the end of each year, the things I didn’t tick off on my own list get carried forward on to the next years.

Ah I was just like this at the same age. Sold my house, packed the job in and hitched to Australia. It was quite the adventure and was the making of me - I'd recommend it!

Agree with all the above but what about getting yourself a checklist of things you’d like to do:

Eg cycle to work
Volunteer with scouts canoeing
Learn to ski

Whatever floats your boat, not necessarily my list! Or you could save & travel for a bit, take an unpaid sabbatical from work & volunteer or travel overseas.

By doing more You’ll meet more people & different people & potentially feel more fulfilled.

OP, I agree with others that you are dissatisfied because your life is too small and safe for you. You want more.

If you don't have any hobbies that appeal, why not set yourself a goal of trying one new hobby each week until you find a few that you like. Do things that take you right out of your comfort zone. E.g. go to a climbing wall (lots of fit men there!) go kayaking (brilliant fun if you are not scared of water), try salsa, lindyhop or ceroc dancing (it's with partners so you get to meet other people).

You could also try painting, pottery or creative writing to connect to your creative side (everyone has one) Or, to build confidence, you could sign up for acting, singing or stand-up comedy classes, martial arts or boxing. If you want to widen your circle of friends, join a book club or knitting group.

You could train towards a radical career change. If you trained in TEFL, for example, you could live abroad for a year or two, rent out your home and with the rent and income combined, you;d still have enough money to help your mum out.

I think the important thing is to not expect you'll love everything you try. Don't force yourself. Just explore.

£32K isn't enough to keep you in a job you find boring. What work do you do?

How would your Mum feel if she knew she was a reason for holding you back from living your own life?

Life is short OP. Once you have kids it's a lot harder to change things, you have moths to feed and schooling to consider.

If you didn't take the two foreign holidays you could afford to travel, albeit maybe not for a long time.
I think you need to take yourself out of your comfort zone - whether that is travelling, signing up for some sort of extra-mural course or pursuing something else as a hobby, or just taking a sabbatical from your current job.

I was in a very similar position to you at a similar age. I didn’t do anything about the job I hated, I got married and had a child.

Now 15 years later I wish I had changed jobs back then- now I have a 3 year plan to really shake things up.

My advice is to take the leap. Sometimes you need to be brave otherwise you’ll be feeling the same in a few years time. Life is for living, Being intelligent can become a cross to bear. You end up on an easy treadmill made up of other peoples’ expectations, a gilded cage is still a cage.

Id definitely have a think about what you want your life to look like in 5 years / 10 years etc.

If you were lying on your deathbed in old age, what would you imagine regretting about your life?

You've got a solid foundation of money/ house/ education. Let yourself have some fun.

I would also say in a few years your friendship group are likely to be settling down/ having babies as you hit your thirties. That can be mega depressing if you are single. Now is the time to make the exciting changes!

I felt similar to you at the same age a few years ago. I’m quite a high achiever, like you are, but as you get older the achievements slow down considerably. From 18-28ish life is full of things to achieve: A levels, degree, first job, promotions but a house etc. Then the ‘big’ things become less and less frequent until one day you realise your last achievement was years ago.

There is a lot of great advice here already if you are looking for a change. For me, coming to terms with not having something major to achieve each year is what made me happy. Now I like to thankful for of the small things and how I’ve developed as a person in that time

Save a couple of hundred a month, then in a few years go travelling for 6 months. That's what I'm planning to do, mainly around Eastern Europe

Having a house, garden, steady job and social life is really really nice but you need to have a shot in the arm of adventure every now and again

I think you need to change your expectations and perspective, think about what life is actually like for the majority of the world’s population most of the time, and what’s reasonable to expect in terms of happiness and fulfillment. Then, if there are changes you want to make you can make these soberly, with a calm mindset, rather than from a place of general restlessness. Good luck

Don't force yourself. Just explore.
Completely agree with this. You have the luxury of time to try things out, have thought experiments. I would also (hindsight!) seek out female friends to try things with. I came very late to friends but genuine women friends I think are the key to getting to know yourself. I have friends who hate sports and those who love it. Who hate Shakespeare and those who love it. Try things with other people and be open to new things.