To be disillusioned by my "great" life?

[AnExistentialcrisis]

I've NC for this as I'm self conscious about how I'm feeling but need to get it off my chest.
I think I'm having an existential crisis. Despite having a good life on the surface I feel like I'm wasting my life.
I am 29, well educated (1st class degree at good uni) I have a good career with lots of autonomy and a decent pay (£32k) but the work isnt rewarding and I'm soo bored there. I do volunteer at a crisis helpline which gives me some purpose.
I own my own house and lucky enough to afford 2 foreign holidays a year. I have a great group of friends I've had since school but no boyfriend. I'm fairly average looking and on the shy side so find meeting guys difficult. I spend most evenings alone, reading a book or watching tv.
I feel like I'm wasting my life. I dont know how to help myself be happy or what's even missing as on the surface I am very lucky to have what I have. Should I change my job for something I'm passionate about? Or should I try to build meaningful relationships out with work so it isn't what dominates my life?

I don't mean this unkindly, but £32k isn't a good enough wage to justify being unhappy! If you change direction you may well be able to work your way up to earning that, or more, fairly quickly. Good luck.

I felt like you in my late twenties. I had enough money to sign up for a lot of classes and clubs, evenings and weekends. It was so much fun, I did writing, dancing, hiking, volleyball, print making, pottery, photography etc etc. Within a year I realised what I wanted to do, thanks to the classes. I quit my very sensible job, went back to study a masters degree and I have never looked back.

Do you have a spare room? Could you get a lodger. That would contribute to paying the mortgage and give you some space to take a change of job or retrain.

Obviously pick lodger carefully. But a good pick could add people to your social circle as well.

@StoneColdBitch

I don't mean this unkindly, but £32k isn't a good enough wage to justify being unhappy! If you change direction you may well be able to work your way up to earning that, or more, fairly quickly. Good luck.

I don't understand this post at all

I'm nearly 37 and I feel like this. I constantly veer between 2 ways of viewing life:

1. "most of life is mundane and what you see on facebook/linkedin is the exception not the rule" and 2)"life is short, make the most of it, do what you're passionate about".

I long for retirement every day but realise that will probably be long and boring as well! I definitely feel I have underachieved in my life so far but am not sure what I want to do/am capable of. At the end of the day, we all have to pay our bills first and foremost.

I actually saw a careers counsellor and she told me that if there was some "thing" that I was MEANT to do then I would already know what it was. Otherwise, there are lots of jobs I could do. And that having fun/fulfilling things outside of work makes work itself easier to cope with. At the moment, my dislike of my job is becoming all-encompassing because of lockdown - there isn't much else going on to distract me from it.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Consolidate your 2 foreign holidays a year into one longer holiday and travel to far flung corners of the world for 4 - 6 weeks at a time, go to exciting places and experience different cultures. Have a big adventure once a year - once covid travel restrictions are lifted, obviously. Travelling indefinitely isn't possible with a mortgage and the financial commitment you have to your mum, but you can still have some exciting times to look forward to.

Explore a change of career - find something you are passionate about and set out to achieve it. Talk to your mum and your friends about how you feel. Make an action plan and change your life. Being dissatisfied will grind you down in the end.

If the lack of a partner feels significant, have a dabble in online dating - even if you don't meet The One, you'll have some fun meeting different people. It can help you realise what qualities you look for in a partner.

Your life is too safe and small for you and you obviously want more.

Save up a little and take a 3-6 month break from your job. Go to South East Asia, or Latin America, or sub saharan Africa or get a working holiday visa and go fruit picking in Oz. The world is a big place and there are a million more exciting lives you could be living.

Until you can travel again then i second monkeyonthetable ; try a new hobby every week until you find one you like. Even if kayaking or juggling or train spotting has never appealed to you, just give them a try to rule them out. You might surprise yourself.

Whatever you do, don't bury those feelings down and stay in your unfulfilling life. Don't let yourself be an old lady with regrets about a wasted life.

Everyone is different and I think some people are naturally not as happy and fulfilled as others - it’s just their personality rather than their achievements. What were you like as a kid?

What type of things make you happy?

@AnExistentialcrisis

OfficialLurker I think you have hit the nail on the head. I have put a lot of time and energy in to achieving a checklist of life achievements but now I have them I'm realising its not what I want. My family are quite poor so me going to university qnd being able to buy a house is a big deal. I definitely dont have money to go off travelling as I help my disabled mum financially aswell. I dont really have any hobbies so not sure what club I would join

What are you willing to give up to live the live you want to live, rather than the life you're meant to live?

And if you're willing to give up what you held as sacred in order to be yourself, then that's being the master of your own destiny. It's not safe, it's never predictable, it may mean shedding your skin over again, and again - but once you're on this path, there's no going back.

the bleedin obvious is to start looking around for something that DOES intrest you!

I was in the same boat so started my own firm 30 odd years ago never looked back, almost 70 and still enjoying what I do:)

You haven't been wasting your life. You've set yourself up with a great foundation so applaud yourself for that!

Love @SynchroSwimmers idea about writing out all the things you'd like to try and trying something new every week!

Some hobbies are more likely to take over your life a bit more (in a good way)....setting personal goals, events, trips away and so on, all which can add excitement to your life and lead you to meeting lots of new people.

When you say 'two foreign holidays' a year do you mean package hols, renting a villa with friends or what? Try something more adventurous if so - travel to somewhere really unfamiliar for as long as poss or a sabbatical. If that's too daunting start with a group trip with solo travellers like Explore, Exodus, Intrepid. Step outside your comfort zone and see what happens.

Id recommend the following book: how to do everything and be happy by peter jones.

You need a new challenge. Have a look around and see what is being advertised; maybe go to a career consultant. Push doors and see what is behind them. Eventually you'll find your niche, you are so young.

Good luck.

Actually doing an adventure trip with Exodus is a great idea! I did that after uni for 8 weeks (I think? a long time ago!) as I wasn't confident enough to travel on my own. I met some really interesting people from all over the world and all walks of life.

I don't think you are wasting your life as you have achieved a lot for someone so young. Financial independence, your own house, well educated and enough money to be able to travel. Lots of people would like that especially if you have good friends too. Maybe look for new outside interests, learning and development within your current position or even a new job with more interesting opportunities. Join a group or volunteer. Lots of things you can do if you want to expand your horizons without jacking everything in and doing something totally random.

Thank you for all the comments so far you have given me a lot to think about.
As I said I dont come from money so £32k salary is a good wage in my area and compared to family and friends. I love the idea of travelling but have very little savings and wouldnt be able to take several months off work. The idea of renting out my house is very daunting considering I dont have the support or money to fix any problems that might arise while I'm away. Also I do support my mum at least a few hours a week with housekeeping, fixing anything etc.
I understand this may all sound like excuses but they are the reason I feel so trapped in my current life.
I do volunteer with a crisis helpline but like the idea of starting a group or course to try and expand my circle and do something interesting. I just dont know what yet.

I notice you mention that your Mum is disabled. You say you help her out financially. I wonder if you feel you can't go travelling for an extended period because of this relationship? I have an adult son who is disabled and could understand if this were the case.

There are still plenty of other great suggestions on this thread, though. Can you remember when last felt happy? What were you doing at that time? I know I couldn't get a 1st in anything I wasn't passionate about (although I appreciate this isn't the case for everyone). Can you think of a way you could make money from your degree subject: lecturing, consultancy, selling online? Then you could ask your boss if you could work part-time and volunteer more. Or get a less well-paid job working for a charity, such as the one you volunteer with. Since you bought your property at a young age, you could ask for an extension on the mortgage. One of my sons has a 35 year mortgage.

Just a thought, maybe you need more of a spiritual dimension in your life? I know my faith helps gets me through sticky patches.

Good luck! I hope you feel happier soon.

Look for another job! I have spent over 40 years doing jobs which bored me and if I could go back in time that is the one thing in my life I would change. We spend so much time working that we need to be doing something which makes us feel fulfilled.

Sorry, OP, we X posted.

Now is not the best time to be sociable, but that's what you need

I'd also really like to thank you all for the understanding. I was expecting people to tell me to be grateful with what I have as that's what I tend to get IRL when I mention how unhappy I am. I'm trying to think of the last time I was truly happy and it probably was at university when I felt like I was doing really well and had so many opportunities ahead of me.
I've found two jobs on a lower wage that sound like something I would enjoy so will apply for them and hopefully get the challenging career I long for!

@GreyGardens88 I meant that it's not a particularly high wage. If OP was on £150k I'd understand not wanting to change profession and go back to an early career salary. But there are loads of jobs in which you can earn £32k or more.

A lot of comments seem very focused on the career thing. It’s unfashionable to say it but it is relationships that make people happy. I think you need to find a way to meet someone you can fall in love with and plan a future with. Easier said than done I know, but I don’t think changing your job or going travelling is going to help, and the crisis helpline is admirable but is not particularly a path to increased happiness (sounds very stressful!).

I think you need to focus on the relationships around you, increase your social network (real life not online), get more friends and ideally find a partner to love...

Have you ever tried online dating?
It's a way to talk with people, see if you would like to learn more, meet for a coffee publicly. May lead to more?