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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell friend about job... or not

52 replies

FrenchFancie · 17/07/2020 13:21

Bear with me, this might take some explaining.

Both myself and a friend went for the same school office job at our daughters’ school. Both got interviewed a day apart, neither of us have any experience. The school has taken over a week to get back to us. She’s just had an email saying ‘we’ll get back to you early next week, sorry for the delay’.

I’ve had a phone call offering me the job. Arse. We both knew that this was a strong possibility to happen _ we can’t both do the same job after all! But I would normally post on social media that I was pleased to get the job (first successful interview in 8 years since I had DD and my confidence has been rock bottom). I’m not going to post, obviously, but AIBU in leaving her over the weekend,or should I find a way of telling her? I don’t want to gloat, but if I were in her shoes I might want to know. We won’t see each other over the weekend, so I don’t have to lie or anything, I can just keep quiet

AIBU by not saying I know the outcome?

OP posts:

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 17/07/2020 13:23

I would suspect she is there second choice and if you say no they will offer it to her.

If you are planning to accept then yes I would tell her face to face

HollowTalk · 17/07/2020 13:23

Once you accept the job formally then they will let the other candidates know.

I'd let your friend know asap so that she doesn't spend any more time thinking about it.

It's a shame for her but if she'd got it, she'd be happy. She can't expect you not to be happy about it.

KittyFantastico · 17/07/2020 13:35

She's going to find out sooner or later anyway so I'd just tell her that you've been offered the position.

user1493413286 · 17/07/2020 13:38

I would tell her; she’ll realise that you’ve been offered it and I think I’d rather a friend told me

emmathedilemma · 17/07/2020 13:42

If you're going to accept it then I would tell her.

Duchessofealing · 17/07/2020 13:43

I would get your contract signed before you tell anyone - better to be safe.

dayswithaY · 17/07/2020 13:45

Don't put it off, tell her soon to get it out the way. Like ripping off a plaster.

LonginesPrime · 17/07/2020 13:46

Sounds like she's still in the running if you turn it down or if your references don't check out.

It's an awkward one but I would wait until your references in and you have the signed contract as it's not definite until then anyway.

Poptart4 · 17/07/2020 13:47

I get its awkward but I would tell her. Shes going to realise you knew all along once they tell her she didn't get it. Better to say something now.

LonginesPrime · 17/07/2020 13:48

Also, it's not going to look great if your new employer finds out you've been blabbing about the process to the other candidates.

Poptart4 · 17/07/2020 13:50

Also once you tell her absolutely post it on Facebook. This is good news for you and you deserve to be happy.

Congratulations on the job :)

Spied · 17/07/2020 13:51

No wait.

EmbarrassedUser · 17/07/2020 13:53

YABU to keep quiet. Don’t keep the poor woman on tenterhooks all weekend! If it was me, I’d be gutted but I’d still rather know so I could move on and look for something else.

Hopeful201 · 17/07/2020 13:55

This happened to me many moons ago. I turned down the job (I had another slightly better offer). My friend then got offered the job but turned it down as she didn't like being second choice!! She didn't give me any grief for getting the job ahead of her, it didn't make me feel good though. I did tell her though.

WeddingInviteAIBU · 17/07/2020 13:59

Don't tell her. First rule of school office work -confidentiality above all else.

ktp100 · 17/07/2020 13:59

She's going to spend the weekend waiting for the answer. Not really fair when you already know the outcome.

Have you accepted the job, because if so you might as well tell her.

It will be a more awkward conversation on Monday when she messages to say she didn't get it and then you tell her you did! She'll know, like everyone else, that employers only tell candidates they were unsuccessful once someone has accepted the role so she'll know you knew first anyway.

LonginesPrime · 17/07/2020 14:00

Also once you tell her absolutely post it on Facebook

Before OP has a signed contract?

unfortunateevents · 17/07/2020 14:03

Do not tell her, do not post it on FB until you have a signed contract. Particularly as it is your DD's school, once you start at the school you will probably find they have a SM policy and a parent casually mentioning your new job in passing to the Headteacher today or Monday is not going to go down well.

gutentag1 · 17/07/2020 14:03

You should tell her yourself rather than her finding out from them.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 17/07/2020 14:04

Accept the job, then tell her,

Thats life- sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. Its noone's fault.

OfficialLurker · 17/07/2020 14:04

I really wouldn’t say anything. It has the potential to erode the school’s confidence that you can keep the delicate work/parent balance. Confidentiality is key to this role. It would have been better if you’d agreed at the start of process to wait till school had confirmed all candidates updated to speak about it but, that approach is still possible now. If she asks then say that it is probably best that you both wait to hear the outcome from school directly, as confidentially will be key to the role if either of you get it. I personally wouldn’t post about it on Facebook or tell anyone outside immediate family and friends with no links to the school Contract signed and references verified.
Good luck with the new job!

Boireannachlaidir · 17/07/2020 14:05

You've only just received a phone call and you're considering posting on your social media and telling your friend?

I think you need to wait until your acceptance and references/qualifications have been checked out and your contract is in place. You also need to learn to be discrete.

OfficialLurker · 17/07/2020 14:05

Crossed posts with @unfortunateevents - totally agree.

LonginesPrime · 17/07/2020 14:06

Don’t keep the poor woman on tenterhooks all weekend!

It's not OP's responsibility to tell - it's the employer keeping her on tenterhooks as they're still potentially interested in employing her if things don't work out with the offer to the OP.

The OP is doing nothing wrong by respecting the confidentiality of the recruitment process and it seems unwise to undermine the potential employer's decisions.

MoominWoomin · 17/07/2020 14:08

I was in this exact same position, I accepted the job late on a Friday and waited till my friend was told on the Monday. He then took a day to let me know he never got it (I assume he was just processing it) then I told him I had and he thanked me for letting him find out properly.

Personally I didn't feel it was my place to tell him he never got it.

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