To tell friend about job... or not

[FrenchFancie]

Bear with me, this might take some explaining.

Both myself and a friend went for the same school office job at our daughters’ school. Both got interviewed a day apart, neither of us have any experience. The school has taken over a week to get back to us. She’s just had an email saying ‘we’ll get back to you early next week, sorry for the delay’.

I’ve had a phone call offering me the job. Arse. We both knew that this was a strong possibility to happen _ we can’t both do the same job after all! But I would normally post on social media that I was pleased to get the job (first successful interview in 8 years since I had DD and my confidence has been rock bottom). I’m not going to post, obviously, but AIBU in leaving her over the weekend,or should I find a way of telling her? I don’t want to gloat, but if I were in her shoes I might want to know. We won’t see each other over the weekend, so I don’t have to lie or anything, I can just keep quiet

AIBU by not saying I know the outcome?

It’s a tough one, I would accept the job first and then wait until the end of the day. Once you have accepted they might then get in touch with her? I wouldn’t contact her deliberately to tell her but then again I wouldn’t keep it from her either- if she asks I would tell her, if she doesn’t I would leave it.

Please don't take some of the 'of course tell your friend and absolutely post on facebook' on this thread. Do not say anything until you have accepted the job and the school have spoken to your friend. Do not post anything about the job, on Facebook. The school will have guidelines about social media. Maybe think about leaving facebook and any school based WhatsApp groups.

I would wait. If they are going to let her know at the beginning of next week, then it's not unreasonable for her to think you found out then too.

@WeddingInviteAIBU

Don't tell her. First rule of school office work -confidentiality above all else.

^^ this. If you told her and the school found out, that would NOT reflect well on you

Keep quiet! Don't put it on fbook or tell her, your new employer won't be so impressed at you taking matters into your own hands.

You've no idea whether they could plan to offer her something else, it's really not your place.

I actually think it's better for her to find out officially, in the way she's expecting to. Then she can process it in her own time and contact you. If you tell her you run the risk of being seen as gloating - even if that's far from your intention - and the confidentiality points are worth bearing in mind too.

Can't believe you are even thinking about posting it on SM, if you are going to be working in a school you really need to lockdown your SM accounts & think very carefully about how you use SM. And yes, don't tell her.

Don’t tell her. Respect the process. I wouldn’t expect you to tell me. you need to formally accept the position. I’d then expect to hear from the employer not you. Then you can have a chat with her about it.

No please let the official channels run the course here

It would be so unprofessional to tell her and she would react in a way that she already knew- what if she states when told she is unsuccessful that she already knew as you told her!! You would be seen as untrustworthy and a lack of confidentiality

Dont put it on facebook

Usually I wait until a week or even month in a new role and then a little "so happy my first week/month went well in xxx role" but again keep it subtle social media policy and usage is pretty strict these days

You are all right in relation to SM, I hadn’t considered it but yes, it would look bad wouldn’t it? Ok, won’t post at all then. Probably need to spend the summer taking a good hard look at SM accounts and use, in my excitement I hadn’t thought about it but that’s exactly how accidents happen, isn’t it?

Ok I won’t tell her - it is all dependant on references and dbs checks etc.

I was just super excited to get the job after so many rejections!

Wait and tell her next week

Op sorry my slightly stern-sounding Po-faced above forgot to say really WELL DONE.

You can't hide it from her, and no reason you should, so best to tell her yourself as soon as possible .

Yes, congratulations OP!

Well done! Glad you've decided to wait. It's become the norm for everyone to share every aspect of their life on social media and personally I don't understand the need for affirmation but I'm in the minority by not having a Facebook account.
You don't know what they're going to say to your friend on Monday, maybe they've got an alternative post to offer her and if they haven't it's not going to do you any favours if she says she already knows from yourself.

No, don’t tell her.

What if she contacts the school and asks why she didn’t get the job or for feedback etc ? They will know you told her and you might have the job withdrawn before you’ve signed on the dotted line.

As others have said, school admin = confidentiality and the school has to be able to trust that you are not a blabbermouth.

I'd keep quiet until all reference checks are complete and you have a signed contract. I wouldn't post it on social media anyway.

I wouldn’t tell her immediately.

I’d accept ASAP, wait for them to tell her she hasn’t been successful then tell her you’ve been offered it.

Like a PP says, respect the process.

I’d also be very wary of posting anything on SM meantime, I’d wait and post on your first day.

Yes I forgot to say well done too! Sorry OP - have a great weekend and congratulations!

Congratulations. Please don't tell her or post anything. You could be fired before you start!

Congratulations on your job. With the current job situation and so many people loosing work it’s nice to n ow that there are still jobs to be had! Let her know you’ve had an initial offer but need to wait for references etc before it’s formalised.

There's too much of a risk that when they call to tell her she has not got the job, she will say 'I know already'. That reflects badly on you.

Also, you don't know what they want to say to her- perhaps they want to offer her something else, encourage her or give feedback about it all. Don't upset her and put her in a bad state of mind about that.

Just leave them to officially tell everyone, and if she says 'why didn't you tell me', just say it wasn't for definite and you didn't want to break the confidentiality process at that stage- you really hope she finds something great soon.

Your own in-house celebrations are definitely in order though- well done!

WAIT... get your Contract first....

then let her know and celebrate ... well done OP

This happened to me a few years back. I just ended up telling my friend. Yes, she was gutted but it's just life isn't it. She congratulated me and that was that. Nothing to lose friendships over.

Congratulations.
However it could take ages to get a contract, this is a school job and I doubt they will be quick about it. Sorry not school bashing, I worked in schools for a decade, know what they're like.
I would keep quiet unless she contacts you over the weekend and directly asks if you have heard, if she asks you I wouldn't lie, say you been verbally offered the role. hopefully she wont be in touch and I would start telling friends your news (that you have been verbally offered, all needs to be finalised) next week, you deserve to celebrate your good news.