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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be terrified of labour?

38 replies

amb885 · 16/07/2020 23:23

i'm only 17+4, but the thought of labour is so scary to me! doubled with the fact i am only young (don't want to say my age), i'm scared of everything that could go wrong. the baby wasn't planned, so please no snarky comments on why i chose to have a child if i'm this scared. Sad

OP posts:
user12345796 · 16/07/2020 23:27

It will be just fine. Can you have a chat with a midwife to reassure you?

FlibbertyGiblets · 16/07/2020 23:30

Hi there. Talk through your fears with your midwife team. They will be able to explain and reassure you.

People relish telling the horror stories, we don't hear much about the uneventful labour and births.

Best wishes.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 16/07/2020 23:30

Remember that although it's your first baby it wont be your midwives. They will be experienced and are there to help you. Try to talk to your midwife about your concerns.
I was very scared of labour with dd1 and heard lots of horror stories. With dd2 I used hypnotherapy and had a very relaxed labour (in hospital) and wasnt scared or worried.
I used natal hypnotherapy cd/downloads and they really helped with me feeling anxious

KittyFantastico · 16/07/2020 23:32

It's perfectly normal, everyone goes through a degree of fear especially when its their first child. I agree with a PP that a chat with your midwife might help with your worries and then later in the pregnancy there will be antenatal classes that can explain the process and remove some elements of the unknown, I found that learning as much as I could about it eased some of the stress.

You have options about your delivery and are free to choose an elective caesarean if you preferred that as a delivery method.

Bubblingresentment · 16/07/2020 23:32

I was terrified of labour and the midwives knew. I spoke to the head midwife on duty when I was in labour. They really looked after me. Be honest and speak with your community midwife now about it. For me it really wasn't a horrific experience which I honestly thought it would be but a positive one (obviously the baby being born aside!!).

Yeahnahmum · 16/07/2020 23:34

Read into hypnobirthing. And read positive birthstories.
Birth is beautiful, it brings your unplanned, but so welcome, baby into this world. Birth will not only birth your baby, but someone else will be born too. You, as a mum 💕

KittyFantastico · 16/07/2020 23:34

People relish telling the horror stories

Yes, you will hear lots of these. One thing that helped me with the horror stories was reminding myself that the person telling me the story got through it. So they're telling me this awful tale of everything you could imagine going wrong but to flip it on its head, the positives of such stories is that those events were fixable. The midwives and the doctors acted and did what they're trained to do.

IdblowJonSnow · 16/07/2020 23:34

People sure do love to tell horror stories.
If you're scared to the point of actual terror please get some help/support.
There is a lot of pain relief available should you want it.
I was shit scared too despite being on the older side and the 2nd time had an elective c section which I much preferred.
Congratulations btw!

Sparklesocks · 16/07/2020 23:35

Most women are! It’s perfectly natural to be frightened. As others have said your midwife would be a good starting point. It might help to arm yourself with as much information as you can to help demystify the process.

littlejalapeno · 16/07/2020 23:37

Pre natal anxiety is real and affects lots of women. Don’t let anyone put you off and say “oh it’s normal to be worried” you know what is normal for you, and there are health professionals and councillors who’s job is to help women who feel anxious about birth and get them to a place where their fear is not overwhelming. Speak to your gp or midwife to be referred, best of luck

sunrainwind · 16/07/2020 23:38

Mine were far from textbook labours but I was excited both times and have really fond memories from labour and birth. Empowering and so special. It's natural to be scared.

7dayslater · 16/07/2020 23:40

You'll hear lots of horror stories, but the 'good' ones are worth much more focus. Have you looked into hypnobirthing? Even just learning breathing & relaxation techniques can make a huge difference when you're in labour.

You mentioned that you're young. If it's any consolation, I had my DS at 17 & it was fine. 6 hours from first contraction to birth & no tears / stitches. Yes it's very, very painful but so worth it. My midwife said that in her experience younger mothers have easier deliveries. I hope that is reassuring.

catbellz · 16/07/2020 23:41

Don't be scared, be prepared. (Lol!)
No really, keep an open mind. Birth plans are a best case scenario and as long as you understand that you can deviate from the plan and still be successful, you'll be fine.
Yes it hurts but it's a different type of pain. It's hard to describe but it'll be the best thing you ever do.
Stay away from the scary stories. Try to shut them down with a polite "I'd rather not know" or something. Be prepared for the pain relief one-uppers who will tell you it can't be that bad because they managed without anything (eye roll and move on!) have all the pain relief you want.
Congratulations and good luck xx

Trying2310 · 16/07/2020 23:42

People love to tell their horror stories. Talk through your fears with your midwife and they will have lots of advice. People go through labour every day across the world. We only hear of the rare what went wrong cases. What about the thousands of births that go beautifully every day? I had several difficult births but I still treasure the experiences of each of them.

user4676 · 16/07/2020 23:44

People choose to have more children, they wouldn't if it was as bad as half the stories would lead you to believe.

I had my first at 18, so quite young too and I didn't have a clue what to expect. I was led into the ambulance crying my eyes out (a long time ago you wouldn't get one now!) Afterwards I couldn't believe I'd made such a fuss it was that uneventful. The next two were very quickly labours and I only had a bit of gas and air as they were manageable too.

I remember the pain of my BCG vaccination more than childbirth, now that was painful!

Lucylivesinamushroomhouse · 16/07/2020 23:45

Very normal to be terrified of labour, it is quite daunting, especially first time round when you don’t really know what to expect and people love to tell you their horror stories!

Talk to your midwives, they’ll be able to reassure you, also I found it helpful to read up on labour processes so I felt informed and in control. There are things you can do to help the process - lots of pelvic floor exercises, perenial massage, breathing techniques, hypnobirthing etc.

I’ve gone through labour 3 times now and all 3 times have been intense, amazing, empowering and positive experiences. And I felt like a superhero afterwards. Hope it all goes well for you too!

runrabbitrunrunrun · 16/07/2020 23:49

Your body knows what it’s doing and everything will be fine.
Being young is even better, everything is stretchier and recovery is easy,

xmummy2princesx · 16/07/2020 23:53

Hiya I had my first at 15 and my second at almost 18. It was fine I just had gas and air. But if ur rly worried talk 2 ur midwife and maybe have a look into an elective c section if you’d prefer that

Thinkpinkstink · 16/07/2020 23:54

This might sound a bit 'out there' but when I was pregnant took a lot of comfort form the fact that women give birth 'naturally' (vaginally) even if they're in a coma.

I was scared too. And I was late 30's, married, and it was a planned pregnancy. It IS a scary thought, it's natural to be worried.

Original poster
amb885 · 16/07/2020 23:56

thanks everyone, all the responses are actually very comforting! i'm under 18, so really young and i think that's a lot of why i'm scared Sad it's nice to know there were some young mums on here too who's births went okay!! xx

OP posts:
ProseccoBubbleFantasies · 16/07/2020 23:56

I was terrified too.

And it does hurt. Because it's a different kind of pain. It's not illness, or stubbing your toe or a bee sting. It's a means to an end. You have excitement and adrenaline which help you through.

In my case a water birth helped. Gas and air massively helped.

But you win a baby!!!!!

chubbyhotchoc · 16/07/2020 23:59

It's normal to be scared especially as you will get all sorts of horror stories and women seem to always scream a lot about it on tv. I found it manageable with no pain relief first time. I was very scared of the head crowning and actually pushing the head out but i didn't feel that bit at all.
I've been told I may need a c section this time for a low lying placenta and I will actually be really disappointed to not birth again so it definitely cant have been that bad!

Runnerduck34 · 17/07/2020 00:22

Its perfectly natural to be apprehensive but you will be fine, remember your body is designed to give birth and you have youth on your side. You can do this.
During labour midwives are very reassuring and will support you and there will be good emergency medical care in the very unlikely event you or your baby needs it. Remember you do get a breather between each contraction, its not continuous pain and it productive ,you will have a beautiful baby at the end but if you want stronger pain relief or an epidural then do ask for it.
Talk to your midwife about how you feel, she may be able to help you.

dreamingmama · 17/07/2020 02:24

Everyone told me about this "ring of fire" and horrendous pain etc while pushing..

I mean I underestimated contractions. THEY WILL hurt. But I also recommend an epidural... and I had high hopes of a no pain relief labour (ha ha ha)

I begged for an epidural. After it got put in. I was happy, enjoying it all... the pushing felt like constipation.. exhausting that was it. Tiring!

Get the epi, you will be fine.

I found a sweep far more painful than the epidural injection Btw. It doesn't hurt x

JollyJlly · 17/07/2020 02:51

I would highly recommend reading the positive birth book. It was a complete game changer for me. You’ve got this Flowers

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