to be terrified of labour?

[amb885]

i'm only 17+4, but the thought of labour is so scary to me! doubled with the fact i am only young (don't want to say my age), i'm scared of everything that could go wrong. the baby wasn't planned, so please no snarky comments on why i chose to have a child if i'm this scared.

Yeah I was scared as well. It helped to understand the different options for pain relief. Midwives are supposed to be helpful as well. Let them know your fears.

In many areas there are specific groups for young expectant mothers (under 22) that your midwife might refer you to which could help meet other women in similar circumstances and the idea is that you all provide peer support to each other. Usually it's almost a longer version of an antenatal course of classes. It's not everyone's cup of tea but it might be useful.

People love to tell horror stories. Never tell you the good experiences. Share your concerns with your midwife. She will be brilliant. Follow the positive birth movement on Facebook. Read the positive birth book. Trust in your body. It knows what it’s doing. When the time comes yes it’s painful but also incredible. It just takes over. Remember you can ask for pain relief and in no way ‘a failure’ if you have an epidural. Remember it’s called labour for a reason. It will be hard work but trust me so so worth it.

The fear of the unknown is very healthy. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!
Communicate your fears with your midwifery team and also discuss hypno birthing to help get in a positive mindset.

I'm currently nursung my 3 week old and 4 weeks ago I felt exactly the same as you. I'm a lot older and this is my second baby but I had a c-section with my first and I have a really low pain threshold!

I found labour to be a really positive thing. I couldn't have a water birth as I had to be monitored throughout but my midwife was brilliant. I used hypnobirthing and had an epidural which was great. I would also recommend reading The Positive Birth Movement book.

I loved being in labour and giving birth. Those days have been the best part of motherhood. Better than being pregnant and better than raising children. Although those were good I loved the thrill of childbirth.

But I have to admit I’m a bit of a thrill seeker in general. It hurt lots but was still ok. It was a crazy exciting roller coaster of experiences, adrenaline and hormones. I just had gas and air that didn’t really take the pain away but was a helpful prop at the time.

And remember that this is where life has always started. Such a special experience becoming a mother.

I don't think age matters, I was mid 30's, a fully qualified doctor and was still terrified!
Might be worth thinking about what you're scared of, for me it was the pain. So I planned to have all pain relief needed and when the time came I had an epidural when I'd had enough.
Everyone's experience is different, but it'll be worth it when you see your baby

I had an epidural. It was wonderful. But honestly I had such an awful pregnancy that the most positive thing out of the whole having a baby thing was the birth. I would give birth again if I didn’t have to go through being pregnant.

You don’t get a medal for coming out the other side without having any pain meds. I did and it was a good positive experience

I was scared with my 1st but felt very differently be the time I was 40 weeks than I did earlier on. You do get to a point where you feel huge, even turning over in bed is a massive effort, you can't bend over to get your shoes on etc. and you are so ready to give birth!

The most helpful thing I was told was that it is pain with a purpose- it’s because you are using muscles you don’t usually use. It’s not like toothache when it hurts because something is wrong.

Remember when people tell you their horror stories, that's about them, not you and their birth bares no reflection on what will happen for you. Hypno-birthing did really help keep me calm. It's got a bit of a stigma attached that people assume it's this hippie method but it's actually very scientific and simply explains what sensations you are feeling and why and I found that understanding that made me feel a lot calmer because I was able to rationalise the pain. You don't need to do a course, just a basic book or internet search will probably give you all the info you need. You will be absolutely fine. Speak to your midwife as others have said; they are wonderful and they will.tale very good care of you. Also, whoever your birth partner is going to be, make sure they are involved in the preparation so they know the types of things to try to help you also. Wishing you all the best! And congratulations.

Hi OP - you’ll be fine, it’s normal to be apprehensive. Can I recommend Ina May Gaskin book - a Guide to Childbirth - you can get from Amazon. She was/(is?) a midwife , into natural birth. I read it , took what I wanted from it, not all parts, but I found it really empowering. I felt so much more relaxed and positive giving birth after having read it - as I recall some breathing and calming techniques, visualisation.

I was absolutely terrified of giving birth almost all of my life due to comments my mum made when I was a child, teenager and adult. She basically said I wouldn’t be able to handle the pain and was too selfish to be a mother etc. Other women told me about awful experiences too.
Anyway I heard all the stories and was even more terrified only one person told me the pain wasn’t as bad as she had been told. She said she wouldn’t want to experience it every day or every week but its not that bad and the pushing the baby out pain doesn’t last that long. To be honest that was my experience as well.
Top tips try and stay calm, try to stay in control and breathing through your contractions and remember to think each one is bringing your little baby closer. If labour was as bad as some women (like my mum) told me no one would have more than one. My mum had three and I had two without any pain relief unless you count a tiny bit of gas towards the end with my first.

Lots of people will tell you it’s normal to be scared but I just knew I would loose it and just go nuts I just knew I couldn’t cope with a normal birth. I had an elective c section, it was a very positive experience for me I would recommend looking into it if you really are worried. Like I said I couldn’t do it, went to the birthing classes etc and was like SHIIIT! Good luck, btw I was 34 when I had my baby so it’s not just because you’re young.