Age gaps...

[morriseysquif]

38 year old man , and 18 year old woman. She is my niece, just left school in her first job.

I'm trying to think positive.

@morriseysquif

Seems so, but she likes to be looked after. He drinks a lot and likes a few drugs ... allegedly.

She is very young for her age and just left school. He is senior in her workplace.

He's an absolute work predator abusing his position.

I think you need to keep your beak out as much as possible, because not matter how much you disapprove, your opinion is neither wanted nor needed. Unless there are certain incriminating factors, like he's married and cheating, or he's a registered sex offender.
Otherwishe an 18yo can vote, go to war, or be punished by full extent of law - she certainly can own her shitty relationship choices.

I think encouraging her to see him as a sad old loser is probably the way to go.

Is their relationship known at the workplace? Some would be fine with it, others employers would absolutely not be. If they split up, is she going to end up leaving the job?

I think it's weird. Not illegal or anything, just weird.
But there is nothing you can do about it.

I was this 18 year old and at the time thought it was harmless. I would have ignored anyone who told me otherwise... and believe me, my mum did. She even asked him why it was that he liked such young girls. (I wasn't the first). His response was "I just do".

As I've grown older, I realise that my lack of life experience, my wish to please and the control I gave him were the reasons he liked young girls. I have seen the same again and again. As PP says, anything less that 25 is a baby and a man that has respect for people or concern that he would be seen a certain way simply wouldn't get involved with someone so young.

You should sit down with her and say that you have concerns but rather than tell her why it's wrong and possibly drive her to him, state common issues with this age gap, question what she wants from life and if he will get in the way and remind her that if she ever needs to talk you will listen without judgement. I don't think you'll get through to her otherwise.

He needs locking up

Some of these comments....just disgusting.

My mother and father got married when she was 19 and he was 35. I was born 5yrs later.
They are still together and very much best friends and happy 47 years later.

I had a wonderful childhood, my parents are happy, fulfilled, they both individually followed their dreams, we traveled all over the world growing up. Most people think my dad is late 60's rather than 80's, my mother has definitely kept him young. They're both retired now and spend every day together. I absolutely look up to them with regards to being role models for a relationship.

I was 18 when I met my future husband who was 42

Its our 27th wedding anniversary in November

It’s not ideal. But it’s hardly illegal either.
Totally depends on the dynamics. Keep them close, meet him, get to know him. Distancing is the worst thing to do.

I think him being her senior at work is much, much worse.

@MaryShelley1818 and @Zizzagaaaaahtt your exceptions do not prove the rule.

My aunt had the same age gap with her husband and married more or less straight out of school. They've been together now for almost 50 years and she seems happy enough. I always thought he was really creepy when I was growing up, but she doesn't seem to mind him. Goes to show there's a lid for every pot.

FWIW, my grandparents were really against it when they first started dating and she married him anyway- general consensus is it was an act of teenage rebellion that she was too stubborn to admit was a mistake later down the line.

Awful. He sounds like a predator.

They both might just be having a bit of fun. Both consenting adults so butt out

[quote JingsMahBucket]**@MaryShelley1818* and @Zizzagaaaaahtt* your exceptions do not prove the rule.[/quote]
How do you know they are exceptions? Who decided on "the rule" and what is the rule?
Comments insinuating someone is a creepy pervert who needs locked up based on nothing more than age are ridiculously ott.

I agree in this situation there has been further information added later in the thread that questions suitability but that could be true of any relationship regardless of age.

My rule would be don't date children, or people who were children very recently.

Yuck.

Yeah it's probably not going to work out. But from experience (I had a WAY bigger age gap than this at the same age), if you're negative about it, she'll probably keep seeing him anyway, but feel unable to discuss it with you and the rest of the family.

The best way to handle this is to include him, keep the lines of communication open, and to respect that she's an adult and her relationship is fundamentally her own business.

I was 21 when I met my DH who was 37 at the time, we have been together now for a long number of years and have 4DC, I would be much more concerned about the drugs issue rather than the age gap, looking back I was way more mature at 21 than I was at 18 though, it will either work out or run it's course.

@CatsArePeople

I think you need to keep your beak out as much as possible, because not matter how much you disapprove, your opinion is neither wanted nor needed. Unless there are certain incriminating factors, like he's married and cheating, or he's a registered sex offender. Otherwishe an 18yo can vote, go to war, or be punished by full extent of law - she certainly can own her shitty relationship choices.

I don't understand why "married and cheating" is an incriminating factor, but "her senior at work" isn't?

Of course cheating isn't very nice, but cheating in itself isn't quite the same predatory undertone as a man in a position of seniority in a company preying on the young new starters.

A crap relationship choice is one thing but being abused and controlled is often hard to get out of - it's a safeguarding concern if nothing else. She is not a child, but at her age and in relation to him, she is a vulnerable person.

Gah - forgot to add the most important bit which is that workplace relationships in many companies are considered so inappropriate they can actually result in disciplinary action, particularly if there is an abuse of power such as this kind of scenario.

Depends what job and how senior he is.

It's grim, the only older men I've know to date teenagers have been unsavoury to say the least.

@MaryShelley1818
How do you know they are exceptions? Who decided on "the rule" and what is the rule?

You don’t seem very bright. Statistical data of marriages may seem lost on you. Enjoy your evening of bending over backwards to prove you’re not an outlier.