AIBU to think the wording in this high school transition book isn't great?

[Whatswiththesmalltalk]

Dd recieved a transition booklet to look through, I'm assuming most kids transitioning to high school recieved these. The part that bothered me in particular was the are you an average or an awesome kid? It listed attributes of average kids such as not putting your hand up. I get the idea behind it but I don't understand the need for labelling kids who feel uneasy raising their hand or lacking in confidence as average. Surely that will only do the opposite of what was intended. I've attatched an image.

What is this obsession with kids putting their hands up in class? Surely teachers all know many kids are shy - especially at first.

The 'awesome' list isn't too bad (though 'awesome' is silly hyperbole) - it would be better if they just had that without the 'average' list (let alone those photos - what were they thinking?)

@Strugglingtodomybest

By which I mean, do any schools help the kids who are too shy to talk in public, or are they still just telling them what they should be doing without telling them how?

^ This.

It is just pushing the 'problem' (if it even if there is a problem, which as many PPs are pointing out, is questionable in itself) on to the child. As I said in my PP, it is the equivalent of yelling "well, just run faster then!" to a child that is sad about always coming last at sports day.

The SN inclusivity aspect alone is a nightmare.

Really bad choice on the school’s part.

I agree Arrietty

There are many awful things about the leaflet that have already been mentioned.

The one that really pissed me off is "think they will be ok,until it's too late". What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Why wouldn't we want children to think they will be ok? What's too late? Is there a time frame to succeeding , whatever form that may take?

That's awful. My kids are rarely the type to put their hands up as they are shy, but they're not lazy. How do those things go together?

My daughter went to a secondary school where this kind if material/language was standard. We were constantly swamped with marketing material promoting the school and the 'awesome kids'. It really was a cover up for a very average school only interested in the gifted and talented child.

Nope that’s really not good.
That is the staff’s “wishlist” for the perfect pupil. It’s their definition of awesome. It doesn’t specifically mention academics but that’s what it’s clearly focusing on.

The kids who ALREADY want to be academically successful (the “awesome” ones) will read that and either feel good (great!) or anxious about measuring up to ‘awesome’ standards.

The kids who are not academically motivated will feel de-valued because the “average” descriptors fit them, and may have done so for years. And trying to get children to change by making them uncomfortable about who they are is not good. Let’s face it lots of children are much more anxious about making friends when they go to secondary and where they will fit in, and lots of kids are not academically bright and have long settled with being ‘average’.
The ones they don’t need to reach will be spurred on, they may shame some of the ‘middle of the roads’ into ‘being better people’, but they risk losing the ones they need to reach out to before they even set foot in the place.

@MotherMorph

My DD is in year 9. Shes very academically bright and on a "more able student" programme at school....but every parents evening I have been to since she started school, has mentioned how shy she is, and how she never puts her hand up in class. At the last parents eve I think every one of 7 teachers said it. She is incredibly shy, I was too at that age, and would still hate to speak in front of 30 people. From my experience when I've helped in school or clubs, a lot of the kids who put their hand up dont know the answer but just like an audience. It's just a different type of personality - it doesn't make them more awesome than the person who knows the answer but hates attention.

We had those comments, without fail, at parents' evenings from every teacher who didn't already know DD. Not once they knew her though, except for the one awful teacher who'd relentlessly pick her out to answer questions, harassing rather than encouraging. The fable of the north and south winds comes to mind - you can't coerce children out of shyness.

She's a very well-adjusted, sociable engineering student now.

I can see what they were trying to do but boy, isn’t it worded wrongly!

"think they will be ok,until it's too late". What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?

Just procrastination, I think.

My DD is in year 9. Shes very academically bright and on a "more able student" programme at school....but every parents evening I have been to since she started school, has mentioned how shy she is, and how she never puts her hand up in class. At the last parents eve I think every one of 7 teachers said it.

We had that with DD all the way through primary and secondary school. It reached a point when I wanted to go round with a notice saying "We know she's quiet, think of something more original to say".

Then we got to the first parents' evening at sixth form college. Sure enough, the first teacher we saw started by saying she was quiet, and I sort of sighed inwardly. But then she went on to say"... and that's absolutely fine, because when she says something it's worth listening to. She's not one of those students who just says things for the sake of saying something but it contributes nothing." And the other teachers there said more or less the same. It was such a breath of fresh air, and DD flourished at that college.

So yes, this school needs to reflect on the fact that putting your hand up doesn't make you awesome, what actually makes you awesome is trying to do your best according to your own abilities.

I'd be so tempted to send a copy of that booklet to the head of the maths department at the school in question to ask them to devote time during a staff meeting to explaining to their colleagues the meaning of the term "average".

It's also not good to have the boy as "kid average". Raising boys' achievement is an ongoing issue in schools.

I've actually read it again and while I know kids (and adults) are different the only time it mentions another person is "thinking others are talented" (which is supposedly a negative )
I'd much rather a child recognised others talents and achievements than thinking only theirs matter. Whilst to learn well or achieve you strive to be the best you can, working well often means working with other people, pooling ideas, using everyones strengths etc.
If you put on a play, you cant all be the main character ....but a decent production would need script writers, secondary characters, audio, lighting technicians, set design etc.

I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong but shouldn't it read Kid Average and Kid Awesome if these are to used as a noun in this context?

• to be used

As both a teacher and a parent, this is horrid. As a parent, I'd have no hesitation in saying something to the school. As a teacher, I'd be looking for a post elsewhere.

Really bad list for the average in terms of self esteem.

the awesome kid tries hard. How do I know I tried hard enough? I sat out PE for three years, didn’t take my PE kit. Not lazy/unwilling to try just realistic I couldn’t do it due to physical disability. I didn’t need a light bulb to know I was well below average in terms of achievement in PE and feel crap.

Let me go swimming and I was still not achieving but tried incredibly hard and improved. I had a statement of SEN regarding needing PE to develop physical skills, so who wasn’t trying hard? I did have some brilliant teachers, more “the system”

Apart from anything, it implies that any child who 'thinks they will be ok' is average, with the corollary presumably being that you can only be awesome if you don't think you will be ok - what a miserable existence to 'aspire' to!

I agree with PPs about the black boy being average and the white girl being awesome - did nobody really think about the message that sends out?

Is that publication American?

My ds and dd were shy and didn’t like putting their hands up in class. Every parents evening it was always mentioned. They were really well behaved and got excellent gcse results, so I don’t think it matters not putting your hand up in class. They’re just introverts.

That document is really ignorant. Also the pushing hard through trying times sentence. It isn’t that easy sometimes unfortunately

I’m an introvert who has realised that that is absolutely fine. I’m not shy.

Dd2 is exactly the same and her school reports focussed solely on her shyness. She isn’t shy: she listens, takes it all in and reflects. She can’t contribute to class because the teacher ignores her. I have actually seen this with my own eyes. I’m afraid school did hear from me when I read her report and I will remove her from that school if it continues.

I was described as shy all the way through school and I cannot articulate the damage to my esteem that that had caused. I’m in my 40s now but it angers me that much of my childhood and indeed early adulthood was blighted by being labelled as something I am not.

If my dd, armed with the knowledge that nothing she does can challenge the perception that she is shy (this is a 9 year old who has done musical solos) thought that she was destined to be thought of as only average I think I would struggle to get her through the door in September tbh.

Growth mindset should mean that you keep trying to do things to the best of your ability, not that you should change your entire personality and who you are for "reasons" or to be awesome.

I can't drive because my straight is slightly (quite a lot) left for example. No one can figure out if it's an eye or brain problem because everything is fine. There's fuck all I can do about that, and while I might be ok on a wide ,barely used road it would be highly irresponsible to go driving everywhere just because I can and I set my mind to it.

Is that publication American?

I don't think so based on the language ("masses" not a common American usage.)

But whether it is or isn't, I think it is very ill-advised.