To not let my 8 year old walk to the local shop with friends

[Dee1975]

DD, 8 years old wants to walk to the local shop with friends. One friend is 8, the other 11. Friends often go to the shop.
Shop is 15 min walk away. It is mainly cycle parks, only crossing a small section of a small carpark when they reach the shop. So no roads as such.
I feel 8 is too young (she doesn’t have a phone). She is also on the ASD. (But you wouldn’t know that by meeting her). Her emotional age is younger than 8 and she would be petrified (I think) if a stranger was to say ‘hello’ for example (without me there. For me, she doesn’t have the independence yet to do it in her own. But would any 8 year old????
Also, I’m concerned about her handling cash (covid) and touching surfaces she should and then touching face on way home etc ...
She’s pretty good at social distancing ... but again when I’m there to remind her.
But even putting the covid risks aside, would you let your 8 year old walk 15 mins with friends to a shop? Or am I being a mean parent??!

It’s not mean to allow and instill a sense of independence. 15 mins away is perhaps a bit much but maybe you could follow at a distance

No chance!

My DD is 8. She doesn't even get to go to the local park a couple of mins walk away on her own.

I used to get annoyed when my DM stopped us doing things. But now looking back, it was my mum being responsible.

I don't think I would let an 8 year old go. 10 is about right for this stuff IMO.

You know your child - some 8 year olds will be ready to walk to the shops in the circumstances you describe, and some won’t - if you don’t think she is ready, you are entirely reasonable not to let her.

Your child so up to you.
Children only become independent by doing things alone.
My DD was getting the bus to the library alone when she was 8.

My eight year old is allowed to the park across the road with a friend and to the shop (crossing another busier road) with his 11 year old brother.

No, I'd not be comfortable.

Could you go to the shop following them and keep your distance and just see how she gets on? Although I know it's not something you'll be able to do all the time
(This will probably be deeply uncool- but it's a compromise)
If not then no.

I’d probably allow an 8 year old to walk to local shops with friends. Pretty sure when I was that age, my mum used to send me to the shops with a tenner and a note for the shop keeper to pick up her cigarettes

For me, she doesn’t have the independence yet to do it in her own. But would any 8 year old????

Yes of course, lots of 8 year olds would and do.

However, you know your own child and if you feel she's not ready yet that's the important thing.

@bebanjo

Your child so up to you. Children only become independent by doing things alone. My DD was getting the bus to the library alone when she was 8.

Is your DD Matilda?

A young 8 yr old, out of contact for over half an hour? I wouldnt do it.
What's right for some isnt for others. There is no blanket rule here.

In the end it all comes down to personal preference and also the way you were brought up. My parents were very carefree and encouraged me to go out on my own as much as I liked. I plan to let my DC do the same as soon as they feel confident enough. There is nothing wrong with being a more cautious parent either though. You know your child best 😊

It doesn't sound like she is ready.

You know your own child best. 15 mins walk feels quite far away for an 8 year old with no phone. I'd probably wait until you/ she are more confident about it.

8 is too young imo...and I think a 15 minute walk is actually quite far. If the shop was literally a few doors away, then it would probably be ok.

I was going to say I would allow it. But the fact that the shop is 15 mins away would make it a no from me, never mind that she is on the ASD and is less mature. Also, is the 11yo friend a relation of the younger friend? It's a bit strange when older kids are friends with younger kids at that age. They can lead them astray. What interest does a child approaching secondary school have with a couple of 8 year olds (if not related)?

Nope.

Personally no, I wouldn't allow it

Topoftheshops,
Te he, she wanted to be, she used to ask me to go out so she could be in on her own.
We just always encouraged her to be independent. I’m 50 and was going to the corner shop at the age of 4.

5he key part is that she wants to do it. If she still does after you discuss all the what if, she responds well and is still wanting to do.it afterwards, then she is likely ready. My two did at that age. I discussed it with them first. They did have a mobile though just for the occasion.

I hated it, couldn't help but imagine bad things, but they coped perfectly well and showed much more maturity than what I had granted them.

It sounds like you’re not comfortable with it so I’d say don’t do it... my DC were about 10 when they started doing this

YANBU. My daughter is 8 and also has ASD, she is young for her age and very prone to impulsive actions such as running about the road like a headless chicken when she hears a car coming. I wasn't allowed to the shop 2 minutes down the road in a quiet village on my own at 8 years old either.

Yes my 8 year old would have been fine doing that, but of course children are individual. I think the first thing to do is get her not to petrified if someone says hello to her, that is certainly a skill I would expect 8 year olds to normally have and is on the path to the freedom to walk.

Is she not free to be far away from you inside parks etc. such that it's likely people would say hello / excuse me etc. ?

My DD is 11 our shop is 10 minutes away she is on the ASD with anxiety but she's very immature with bad balance she wouldn't check roads properly.
I walk behind her to teach her but constantly have to say look left and right if I say look up and down she still looks to the sky and ground.

I let mine walk to the post box about a 4 minute walk away. A shop 15 minutes seems like a different kettle of fish.