To not let my 8 year old walk to the local shop with friends

[Dee1975]

DD, 8 years old wants to walk to the local shop with friends. One friend is 8, the other 11. Friends often go to the shop.
Shop is 15 min walk away. It is mainly cycle parks, only crossing a small section of a small carpark when they reach the shop. So no roads as such.
I feel 8 is too young (she doesn’t have a phone). She is also on the ASD. (But you wouldn’t know that by meeting her). Her emotional age is younger than 8 and she would be petrified (I think) if a stranger was to say ‘hello’ for example (without me there. For me, she doesn’t have the independence yet to do it in her own. But would any 8 year old????
Also, I’m concerned about her handling cash (covid) and touching surfaces she should and then touching face on way home etc ...
She’s pretty good at social distancing ... but again when I’m there to remind her.
But even putting the covid risks aside, would you let your 8 year old walk 15 mins with friends to a shop? Or am I being a mean parent??!

@sirfredfredgeorge

Yes my 8 year old would have been fine doing that, but of course children are individual. I think the first thing to do is get her not to petrified if someone says hello to her, that is certainly a skill I would expect 8 year olds to normally have and is on the path to the freedom to walk.

Is she not free to be far away from you inside parks etc. such that it's likely people would say hello / excuse me etc. ?

She does and has a lot of freedom playing On the green outside which she does daily while I work WFH. But she is on the ASD and emotionally young for her age, so some fears will be with her longer

If the other often go to the shop it seems OK to me. But is there anywhere closer she could maybe go to with them at least first?

You know your own child best, OP. What the rest of us do or don’t do isn’t really relevant. I used to go to the local shops alone from the age of 3, and played out in the woods or park all day with friends from about the age of six or seven. I let my own DC walk to school alone from about 6, and go to the village shop from 4.
But that was over 20 years ago in a quiet Scottish village - I might have felt differently in central London!
I think parents nowadays are much more risk averse, and on average keep their kids supervised for years longer, than we did.

No, 8 is too young, and especially when they are "a young 8" emotionally/socially.
Plus 15 mins is a bit of jaunt, and hardly "the shop on the corner". And a long way to run home if she suddenly gets scared/uncomfortable.

I've just started allowing my 11yo to do this, he is also on the spectrum, hence him not being able to do it before now. Being autistic does change things, and I wouldn't have felt comfortable with him trying this at 8.

It would depend on the child. In general, I think at 8 most kids can manage that, especially as there is no complex traffic. Especially since the other kids go regularly.

I like to think about this in terms of building up to where they will need to be. Kids can leave home by about 16 though that is early, but they may be driving the or have a job. But by that point they should be able to walk all over, talk to adults, buy things in stores, understand traffic and pedestrian rules, deal with problems, talk politely to strangers, figure out busses and use them, and all the rest.

I would let my 8yr old go to the shop with a sensible 11yr old yes. It's really hard for us parents, but there comes a time when you have to slacken the leash a bit for your child's sake. Let her go OP.

I think if you have to ask then it's too early.

Think back to the other things where she gained independence, walking up and down stairs for example - one day you'ld have thought it madness to let her navigate the stairs unsupervised, but then another day came when it seemed perfectly reasonable. Trust your instinct OP

Thanks all. I normally trust my gut but always good to have reassurance that your gut is right!
She’s just not ready (although she thinks she is!)
I have promised we will build up independence this year - she does have a some already - she regularly plays out and is allowed to call on a friend 2 mins away.
I don’t think il let her to the shop for a while though, but maybe some other stuff will satisfy her need to feel more grown up!

My kids 9 and I won’t let her go the same distance. No way.

@FTMF30

I was going to say I would allow it. But the fact that the shop is 15 mins away would make it a no from me, never mind that she is on the ASD and is less mature. Also, is the 11yo friend a relation of the younger friend? It's a bit strange when older kids are friends with younger kids at that age. They can lead them astray. What interest does a child approaching secondary school have with a couple of 8 year olds (if not related)?

The 11yo is not a relative, but a neighbour. There’s a group of 4 of them who play on the green in front of the house. Not many other 11yo around, so she’s stuck with the 8 yo’s!

I wouldn't let my 9&7yos go to the shop alone, esp 15mins away. I let them go the postbox 5mins away last week. The nearest shop is near there, but children aren't allowed in alone at the moment. The next nearest is about a 15 minute walk... But they would have to walk along an A Road to get there and back, plus neither is old enough for their own gate pass to get home.

8yo is still quite young... Plenty of time for independence.

My youngest son (8 years old) does regularly go to the playing field opposite our home. He is allowed to go to the corner shop on his own for errands. It is only 5 mins away and one quiet road to cross.

However, he loves the independance. My middle daughter is 11 and she doesn't like being on her own at all and prefers to do things with me.

You know your own child - just do whatever is comfortable for you.

15 minutes there and back. If it's half An hour I think that's quite far for her to go I know her friend is 11 but would you trust your to listen to her friend showing her the way?

Trust your Dd*

Over lockdown I’ve encouraged my 8 year old son to go out for short walks alone to help build his confidence and sense of independence. He’ll typically walk to the local shop and back or walk around the ‘block’. Compared to my childhood in the 80s it’s pretty tame but times are different I guess. I just want him to feel confident at his own pace.

My corner shop is a lot closer. My DD is allowed other places the same distance as our corner shop but I've not been allowing her in the shop since lockdown. I may have put my own spin on the one adult policy.

8 is too young.

Lol my four year old went to the shop yesterday with his 9 and 8 year old sisters. Fostering their independence is worth the (miniscule) risk.

English child-rearing culture is really odd. This thread illustrates it.

Guinea while personally I think the UK is pretty late for lots of independent stuff for kids, I find other cultures complete lack of supervision of their young kids appalling. Having pulled a 3 yr old out of a swimming pool while his (non swimming) 5 and 7 yr old sisters looked on is something I NEVER want to repeat.

I think this is absolutely fine. I would let them.

Did OP mention she was English?

Or anyone else say where they were from?

Well Guinea you were expecting you older children to take care of your 4 year old aren't you?

I find other cultures complete lack of supervision of their young kids appalling
Me too.