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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Face masks. To feel that we have all been through enough....

999 replies

NiknicK · 14/07/2020 04:40

And shouldn’t have to wear face masks if we don’t want to. I know it’s not officially been confirmed yet, but it’s expected to be today, and I don’t get it. If face masks truly help prevent the spreading of the virus, then why on earth wasn’t it made compulsory at the beginning of this pandemic, why now? I know you’ll all likely call me selfish but I can’t do it. I have to wear a mask for ten minutes once or twice month to collect mine and dh’s medication and I find it unbearable even for that small amount of time. They make my face itch and make me want to touch my face more, I can’t breathe properly and get panicky, they slide up as they’re too big for my face and hit my eye lids. My ds is autistic and I suspect I have some traits eg sensory issues, and the thought of having to wear these masks when I find shopping stressful enough as it is, fills me with dread. AIBU?

OP posts:
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10
WutheringTights · 14/07/2020 13:37

@NiknicK

If you want to talk selfish, how about all the people who went out to the pub the weekend before lockdown was enforced, knowing lockdown would be announced the next day. People dragging their kids to crowded beaches, not social distancing, leaving rubbish and bags of excrement all over the place. People not keeping their distance and leaning over others when food shopping. People having large parties and gatherings!
In other words...

It's everyone's fault but mine.
Everyone else should make sacrifices so that I don't have to.
Other people should pay the price for XXX, not me.

And so on.

Moonmelodies · 14/07/2020 13:41

Is it ok to use a Halloween mask?

ddl1 · 14/07/2020 13:43

'Then have all the virtue signalling people shaming and moaning because you don't have a mask on and you should be ashamed/don't expect a ventilator/your killing people etc....often the people who during lock down were out and about sharing pictures of where they had visited that day...suddenly wanting everyone to wear masks now that the numbers have dropped substantially.

So many judgements and now another one for people to moan about --- look at her no mask on blah blah blah'

I do sympathize as I myself have invisible disabilities that have attracted self-righteous comments all my life. I can wear a mask; but have always had to deal with judgemental attitudes to my lack of visual awareness ('just not paying attention') and e.g. to my inability to give up my seat on public transport, which would put me in danger of a bad fall. Nevertheless, the problem isn't the masks, it's the judgementalism, and if it wasn't the masks, it would IMO be something else. More publicity should be given to the fact that some people have genuine exemptions.

Yellownotblue · 14/07/2020 13:45

@KensalGreen

*SusieOwl4
There is a video on how to wear the paper masks properly. A lot of people are wearing them wrong . You should twist and fold the side parts.

Look up the images-of virustatic shield . They are much more comfortable And even if you don’t buy that brand as expensive something in that style might feel better.
Could you link the video?

With surgical masks you just need to:

  • Loop the straps behind your ears
  • Mould the wire around the bridge of your nose
  • Hold the top of the mask to the bridge of your nose and stretch the bottom the fit beneath your chin*

Can I add two things to this:

  • surgical masks are not made of paper. They are made of non woven fabric and have three layers.
  • the coloured side goes outwards. The white side (moisture absorbent layer) should be on your face.
crosseyedMary · 14/07/2020 13:45

Anyone who doesn't like wearing a mask why not just get a shield instead?

SockYarn · 14/07/2020 13:46

@Moonmelodies

Is it ok to use a Halloween mask?
Why not? It's covering your face.
Nemchangetoday · 14/07/2020 13:48

@WutheringTights

Well I genuinely didn't do any of the things mention in the post you quoted so actually yes that was down to other people Hmm

*NiknicK
If you want to talk selfish, how about all the people who went out to the pub the weekend before lockdown was enforced, knowing lockdown would be announced the next day. People dragging their kids to crowded beaches, not social distancing, leaving rubbish and bags of excrement all over the place. People not keeping their distance and leaning over others when food shopping. People having large parties and gatherings!

In other words...
It's everyone's fault but mine.
Everyone else should make sacrifices so that I don't have to.
Other people should pay the price for XXX, not me.
And so on.*

ThatDamnScientist · 14/07/2020 13:50

@SockYarn

Also I will judge the fuck out of you if you are virtue signalling with your wee disposable mask to chuck into landfill, because all that matters is Covid.

Disposable masks should be banned, or at least for medical personnel only. Wear a snood, or a cotton scarf, bandana or even a woolly scarf. Don't be creating millions of litter by showing how aamazing you are with your disposable masks.

The WHO actually recommend the disposable medical style masks for people with breathing issues such as asthma.
dancinfeet · 14/07/2020 13:50

Can we please just consider a divide of those that simply don't want the inconvenience of wearing a mask, those who find them mildly uncomfortable and those who don't want to be told what to do, compared to someone who is genuinely claustrophobic?

Telling someone who is claustrophobic to try it, practice wearing it, build up your tolerance and so on is akin to telling someone with depression to 'cheer up'. It really is not that simple. When you have a genuine fear of having your mouth and nose covered and breathing in warm air, there is nothing that is going to make it miraculously disappear - having a soft cotton mask will make no difference - claustrophobia does not go away because the mask is less itchy or because it has a pretty pattern. A scarf, bandana or other covering will make no difference - it's still fabric covering your face and still going to have the same effect. Yes, not wanting to wear a mask because you cannot bear to have your face covered by any kind of fabric is selfish, but in the same way that a person with depression cannot help how this makes them feel and behave, which can sometimes make them selfish. It is not a choice.

Without going into too much detail, my own claustrophobia (I am fairly certain) was caused by a childhood incident where I became trapped, and fabric entangled around my face. I have never been able to put my head under the bedcovers, or under water either, I even hold my breath putting a jumper over my head and if I wear a scarf in cold weather I tuck it firmly into my jacket to avoid it going anywhere near my face. If I use a hairdryer I have to actively make sure that the warm air does not blow on my face. The one and only time I went camping I ended up sitting in the middle of the tent all night as the tent canvas in the sleeping pod was inches from my face and I couldn't breathe. The phobia was also exacerbated by an abusive ex who would press his hand over my nose and mouth during arguments, so the neighbours couldn't hear me cry when he was punching me and worse. I've not been in a relationship with anyone since (15 years). However, I've not had any medical treatment or therapy for my phobia, as until now it hasn't affected my life to the point where I felt it was necessary - up to now I have just stayed away from any scenario that would need me to put something over my face as in normal times, this can just be avoided. I don't have issues with small spaces, it is specifically about having fabric covering my face.
Telling someone with claustrophobia that you also have claustrophobia but have managed wear a mask is not helpful, in the same way that some people with autism or asthma are absolutely fine with masks, and others cannot tolerate them due to their condition. It affects people differently. The difference being, that carrying a mask exemption card for asthma or autism will be more acceptable than for claustrophobia, and let's face it, there will be people who will abuse the exemption cards simply because they just don't WANT to wear a mask. Whatever the situation, there is always a greater intolerance for those with hidden disabilities & mental health issues than those who have a visible condition.
Even if it is for the greater good, I cannot bring myself to do it. It's not about what I want, I have no issue with masks as per say, unless they happen to be covering my own nose and mouth - I'm not trying to be difficult, obtuse, or special and I'm not self conscious- so far I have tried to comply with every single aspect of the lockdown and social distancing, and it would be much easier for me if I could just wear the damn thing.
There are some that think if you cannot wear a mask then you should stay at home for the foreseeable. This makes me sad that people with genuine claustrophobia are being treat as though it is a choice they are actively making, that they have to force themselves to overcome it, that they are at fault. I'd be up for trying out a face visor, as it isn't as tight to the face and I can feel that fresh air is getting in, but it's for this very reason (that they are open at the bottom) that a visor is not an acceptable substitution for a mask.
Please don't put me in the same category as people who don't want to wear a mask because of the minor inconvenience it will will cause them. This is not a choice.

Oaktree55 · 14/07/2020 13:50

For all of those saying they can’t breathe wearing a mask, I hope you don’t get Covid!!

Come on seriously do I really live in a country where people can’t make this one simple gesture to save lives of others and get economy going?

Take a long hard look at yourselves please.

InkieNecro · 14/07/2020 13:54

@Nemchangetoday

The more severe brittle asthma is likened to breathing through a straw - try it. Then pop a mask over the end of the straw.

Then have all the virtue signalling people shaming and moaning because you don't have a mask on and you should be ashamed/don't expect a ventilator/your killing people etc....often the people who during lock down were out and about sharing pictures of where they had visited that day...suddenly wanting everyone to wear masks now that the numbers have dropped substantially.

So many judgements and now another one for people to moan about --- look at her no mask on blah blah blah

Would you not be shielding with this condition anyway, so staying at home and not going to the shops/wearing a mask?
OverUnderSidewaysDown · 14/07/2020 13:55

God knows how any of this generation would have coped in World War II when people had to practice wearing gas masks to save their lives.

newyorker74 · 14/07/2020 13:58

I live in NYC. 32,000 people died from Covid-19 in my state alone. Wear the mask or stay home. Its really quite simple. You want life to start going back to some kind of normal? Masks are the main thing that will enable that to happen. i have literally no time for the "wah - stop controlling me" brigade unless you are prepared to help treat the sick and bury the dead.

merrymouse · 14/07/2020 13:59

continually touching mask means it becomes dirty and useless really

is what people were saying back in March, before there was data to show that in populations where most people wear a mask, transmission rates are much lower.

rosesandcashmere · 14/07/2020 14:01

It's because it is about controlling And not stopping The virus. Which is equally important.

Jux · 14/07/2020 14:02

Good lord, you wouldn't believe that we are the descendants of those stalwart people who lived through the Blitz, would you?

AdaFromYorkshire · 14/07/2020 14:03

Goodness me, all this wingeing. I would be exempt on both physical and psychological reasons. But I'll wear a mask. Sometimes you just have to do something for the greater good. What happened to stoicism, has it gone out of fashion?

Badbadbunny · 14/07/2020 14:05

My God, what a strange post. Why do some people have this warped idea that Covid precautions are some kind of punishment? It's all about protecting ourselves and others so fewer people get Covid. How is that so hard to understand?

merrymouse · 14/07/2020 14:07

Then have all the virtue signalling people shaming and moaning because you don't have a mask on and you should be ashamed/don't expect a ventilator/your killing people etc....often the people who during lock down were out and about sharing pictures of where they had visited that day...suddenly wanting everyone to wear masks now that the numbers have dropped substantially.

I have no time for people who have already decided that anyone not wearing a mask is just being selfish, and you are right that this will be difficult for people who really have a genuine reason not to wear a mask.

However, unless most people are persuaded that it is their duty to wear a mask, mask wearing won't make any difference. The point of mask wearing is simply to enable people to return to work and school without a return to lockdown.

Embracelife · 14/07/2020 14:09

get hat or cap with visor instead

frustrationcentral · 14/07/2020 14:09

@dancinfeet

Can we please just consider a divide of those that simply don't want the inconvenience of wearing a mask, those who find them mildly uncomfortable and those who don't want to be told what to do, compared to someone who is genuinely claustrophobic?

Telling someone who is claustrophobic to try it, practice wearing it, build up your tolerance and so on is akin to telling someone with depression to 'cheer up'. It really is not that simple. When you have a genuine fear of having your mouth and nose covered and breathing in warm air, there is nothing that is going to make it miraculously disappear - having a soft cotton mask will make no difference - claustrophobia does not go away because the mask is less itchy or because it has a pretty pattern. A scarf, bandana or other covering will make no difference - it's still fabric covering your face and still going to have the same effect. Yes, not wanting to wear a mask because you cannot bear to have your face covered by any kind of fabric is selfish, but in the same way that a person with depression cannot help how this makes them feel and behave, which can sometimes make them selfish. It is not a choice.

Without going into too much detail, my own claustrophobia (I am fairly certain) was caused by a childhood incident where I became trapped, and fabric entangled around my face. I have never been able to put my head under the bedcovers, or under water either, I even hold my breath putting a jumper over my head and if I wear a scarf in cold weather I tuck it firmly into my jacket to avoid it going anywhere near my face. If I use a hairdryer I have to actively make sure that the warm air does not blow on my face. The one and only time I went camping I ended up sitting in the middle of the tent all night as the tent canvas in the sleeping pod was inches from my face and I couldn't breathe. The phobia was also exacerbated by an abusive ex who would press his hand over my nose and mouth during arguments, so the neighbours couldn't hear me cry when he was punching me and worse. I've not been in a relationship with anyone since (15 years). However, I've not had any medical treatment or therapy for my phobia, as until now it hasn't affected my life to the point where I felt it was necessary - up to now I have just stayed away from any scenario that would need me to put something over my face as in normal times, this can just be avoided. I don't have issues with small spaces, it is specifically about having fabric covering my face.
Telling someone with claustrophobia that you also have claustrophobia but have managed wear a mask is not helpful, in the same way that some people with autism or asthma are absolutely fine with masks, and others cannot tolerate them due to their condition. It affects people differently. The difference being, that carrying a mask exemption card for asthma or autism will be more acceptable than for claustrophobia, and let's face it, there will be people who will abuse the exemption cards simply because they just don't WANT to wear a mask. Whatever the situation, there is always a greater intolerance for those with hidden disabilities & mental health issues than those who have a visible condition.
Even if it is for the greater good, I cannot bring myself to do it. It's not about what I want, I have no issue with masks as per say, unless they happen to be covering my own nose and mouth - I'm not trying to be difficult, obtuse, or special and I'm not self conscious- so far I have tried to comply with every single aspect of the lockdown and social distancing, and it would be much easier for me if I could just wear the damn thing.
There are some that think if you cannot wear a mask then you should stay at home for the foreseeable. This makes me sad that people with genuine claustrophobia are being treat as though it is a choice they are actively making, that they have to force themselves to overcome it, that they are at fault. I'd be up for trying out a face visor, as it isn't as tight to the face and I can feel that fresh air is getting in, but it's for this very reason (that they are open at the bottom) that a visor is not an acceptable substitution for a mask.
Please don't put me in the same category as people who don't want to wear a mask because of the minor inconvenience it will will cause them. This is not a choice.

Well said
AnneOfQueenSables · 14/07/2020 14:13

God knows how any of this generation would have coped in World War II when people had to practice wearing gas masks to save their lives
Exactly. The biggest realisation through all of this is how selfish and foolish some people are. It's been an eye-opener.

randomer · 14/07/2020 14:14

I have contemplated the differences between the Blitz spirit and the almighty mess we are in now. I suppose a sense of interdependence and community was important. Propaganda played a massive part, along with the untited hatred of a tangible enemy.

What do we have now? an airborne " something" which may or may not live on cardboard, clothing and plastic, the cult of the individual and an incompetent nascissist who is nothing more than a front man.

Inkpaperstars · 14/07/2020 14:14

Just to add OP, you must not assume that you couldn't be asymptomatic. The level of symptoms you have with other illnesses is no indication, and even then those are only your responses to illnesses that you have become symptomatic for. You don't know how many others you have had without symptoms.

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