Has Anyone Regretted Deferring A Reception Place?

[cheshirecat777]

Just that really. Anyone deferred a reception place and later regretted it? Specifically where they deferered entry to the next years reception class and later regretted it? Not talking about deferring and then needing to enter yr1 nor about starting reception yr part time or later in the yr as in this case they are not as relevant

Its not essential for us but DC has late summer birthday and was slightly prem so would if born at term have been in the following yr.

It makes some sense to defer but I wonder do they catch up in juniors anyway and then get bored and so on. I think decisions to defer at reception are fairly straight forward but i am now thinking about the rest of the school career and whether deferral can perhaps hold children back. as they progress through school

I have posted on a similar subject eg peoples opinions on deferral in my circumstances recently so thanks to all that gave opinions now

This is a slightly different issue in that i am asking for any longer term experiences as children move through the school system.

Not really the same but my daughter was a late summer birthday. She did start reception however I felt it wasnt right for her and removed her part way through the reception year. Disnt effect her in the slightest

We deferred for our daughter, whose birthday was two days before the cutoff date. She's now 14 and we still think it was the best decision. She will occasionally remark that some of the girls in her class seem 'young' to her but that's the only comment she has ever made about it. Academically it seems to have made little difference - some stuff has come easier, some harder - but socially we think she has coped much better in her current class (she's an only child and can be overly sensitive). We also feel she has somehow enjoyed a longer, less pressured childhood because of it and was definitely more able to cope with the switch to secondary than she would have been a year earlier.

I didn’t defer my August born and don’t regret it, he loved reception and did brilliantly. There are quite a few August borns in his year which I think really helps.

The only time he has struggled was at the start of Year 1 as it’s less play and more work. Whether that is because of his age or because of it being a change I don’t know. He’ll be off to year 2 soon, I find that such an odd thought as he’s still 5.

NoIdontwatchLoveIsland

whats wrong with Thomas The Tank? What do these reception children have on their lunchboxes Fortnite or something. Sadly its this sort of picking on younger children that is one of my concerns! So sorry your DC has had to put up with that!

No one has commented on my DS’s Thomas lunch box.

I was gonna say, ive seen plenty of kids at our village school with Thomas, quietly wondering where on earth there are 5 year olds thinking that's "babyish"

@Callardandbowser

I didn’t think you could send them to be in a reception class the following September?
I though you’d have to start them in year 1.

This used to be the case. In England, compulsory school age has for generations been the beginning of the term after the child's 5th birthday. (They can have a school place from the Autumn Term after their 4th birthday, but that is not compulsory).

Until a few years ago (4??), Summer-born children who started school at compulsory school age would have to join their chronological cohort in Year 1, but now they can be deferred and start school in Reception and go through their school career with that cohort.

Some LAs are/ were better at allowing this than others, especially when it first started, e.g. they might say things like DC with SEND only or only in exceptional circumstances, but they should not do so.

Because it's relatively new, there won't be longitudinal outcome data. Quite simply, the oldest children who did this would not be anywhere near secondary age yet. There may be anecdotal reports for individuals but they would have been held back for exceptional reasons, such as illness, in which case it's difficult to tell whether it's the deferring itself or the reason for deferring that has caused the observed impact.

Well you can all disagree with me of you want, I’m only telling you what happened. After a few weeks DS said he wanted a Spider-Man lunch box. He had zero interest in Spider-Man, and never developed an interest, but he wanted a Spider-Man lunch box because the other kids said Thomas was babyish. And this was a sweet little village primary, not some tough inner city school.
OP asked for experiences and I’ve given mine. There is little point in anyone arguing with the facts of my experience!

I do wonder what will happen when the first cohorts reach secondary transition if the children won't be allowed to remain out of age.

MintyChoc1 completely believe you. sadly you just always get some ringleaders in these situations who think they can say what is babyish. It is really sad. I think most are jusy agreeing a TTT lunchbox is completely appropriate for reception yr.

I have a year 4 almost year 5 summer born and I wish I held her back a year, she struggles among the almost 10 year olds when she isn’t even 9 yet.
I would do it as it means your child will get an extra year of education too, I’d rather a child bored and ahead in their work than struggling and behind.

We deferred our dd. Now going into y2. No regrets, shes so confident now and I feel in the right year group for maturity. Age is definitely an advantage- speaking as a teacher

I haven’t but I would be concerned about it at secondary age it won’t take long for the other children to twig and they won’t class it as deferring it will be “held back” because children don’t know any better. In secondary they very much know how old they will be when they leave and who was born when should be leaving when. It kinda seems just another thing to let bullies grab onto. I would of hated to think my parents didn’t think I was bright enough to start school with my own year group and needed holding back.

OneFOrMeToo

Get what you are saying in my own case DC is really only 2 days off the cut off date for the year below and this is only because they were born 6 wks early and were due in oct

but i think this is the dilemma for those of us on this situation that having a child who is perhaps not quite ready / or as well equipped to start reception yr - mybown child could be 14 months behind developmentally with the double whammy if the actual birthday and the prematurity. Itvis not a case of me "not thinking my child is bright enough to be in the correct age group" and i am sure that is not the case for most parents

many here have said academically their child was bright bit emotionally they lagged because of the date of birth. while one said they felt their child needed to defer reception but moved up to his actual birth yr cohort shortly into primary school. No one is saying summer born children are not bright

But the issue is how will this child deal with the issue as they progress.through school

I wouldnt see it as being held back for later summer birthdays premature children or those with special needs. But I get what you are saying

This is not the question you asked OP but just to give you my perspective, as I am a late July birthday. I feel that being young in the year has not held me back and actually I like the fact that I got my education finished a year earlier (eg I was still only 20 when I graduated etc) than peers so have been working longer and just got on with life.

Really do feel it depends on the child you have, I don't think you should just because they were premature. Could you get the opinion of a teacher or their current nursery?

I would have deferred my eldest DD if it was available at the time.
It would have been completely the wrong decision.
Whilst she was behind in Reception, mainly with social skills, by end of Y1 she was exceeding academically and had a best friend and small but select group of other friends.
She struggled a bit on transition to secondary and some of her classmates seemed to become teenagers overnight, whilst she was still very clearly a child. Again, by the end of Y7 she had made new friends and academically excelled.
I think it is down to the child and you know your children best. For mine, being in age group worked as there were good role models and it suited her (very quietly) competitive nature. Her best friend in the year group was the oldest, being very early September, so nearly a year older.
She would have been bored stiff in the year below and I don't think would have made anywhere near the progress academically or socially.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

I was looking at it though a childs eyes rather than a rational adults and that is where the other children and possibly your own child will look at it.

As an adult my middle child was ready a year before her age but she’s one of the oldest but my summer boy is the one that actually excels despite the stigma. My youngest is due to start and has sadly regressed due to lockdown but from nursery I can tell she will catch up quite well once she’s is in the situation.

I’d always say not to underestimate children and we all feel a little scared of our babies starting school but sometimes we just have to let them go and be them and they will do the best they can do whatever year they are in.

Do they still let the April/May to august babies start after Christmas? Mine did, the oldest date of birth 20th april, nursery recommended he stay till Christmas after taliking to school, the cut off was beginning of May, my second, birthdate 25th May automatically started after Christmas. Not sure if they still do this, but that extra term being the big kids in nursery really helped them. I then volunteered in year two and got to see from the school side how good it was for the school having the youngest for a term, settling them in, then having a second group of younger ones-it gave them more 1-1 time rather than trying to style them in at one time (this is a really small school with mixed age classes and 7/8 in first half of the year and 6/7 in second half), not sure if they still do this

DS was prem and late August birthday and we deferred - made no difference later to school/university applications

Was definitely the right thing to do for us. We talked to an educational psychologist who also said deferring was pretty much always the right decision

The long term studies comparing large numbers of people show that older children do better and that the advantage persists as far as university and even beyond. For all those high performing summer borns, there are many more high performing Autumn burns. It also persists quite starkly in sport and countries where the cut off is December see the same but with a different cut off point.

My summer born would have benefited from deferring and we considered having him repeat year 6 but academically he achieves at a high level so it would have been a hard one to justify, most of all to him, even though he actually had more friends in year 5 than year 6. In reception some autumn born girls told him his drawings were just scribbling.. poor kid was devastated by that comment.

In secondary, he is fine. He has friends, copes well but I do think an extra year would have been beneficial.

I was young at Univeristy and I felt it. It was only when I started work having done a 4 year course where I also did 18 months of work experience that I finally wasn't the least experienced in the room!

Eldest dc is summer born and I would have deferred if available. He seemed young emotionally and a little behind with things like getting dressed independently and cutting up food at the start of reception. It would absolutely have been the wrong thing for him. He was nervous for the first couple of weeks, flying by Christmas of reception year and has been very happy ever since. Now at a grammar school which wouldn't have accepted him out of year.
In contrast, my autumn born dc is also bright and is often quite bored at school. I can't imagine him being 3 months older and in that class.

Not quite what you're asking but my dd is in year 4 with a late August birthday. She's the youngest in be class and I wanted to keep her back a year. The school basically said no and I'm really pleased I didn't. By year 1 she had completely caught up with the rest of her class and it now near the top of her class academicly.

You have described my dilemma perfectly.

We deferred ds1 and he started reception at 5 last year. He's mid July but was very shy, still napping, mild speech delay, and my instinct was he'd really struggle full time in school. He's done really well this year, settled well, and meeting expectations in all areas (but exceeding in none). He's definately middle of the pack in other ways eg still one of the quietest, still has stabilisers etc. I can't second guess what later years will be like as there's so many unknowns, so we made the decision we felt was best at the time, and its been right so far.

Just been through the ringer trying to decide for ds2 (born end July, due mid Aug but i had to have an early section). If we hadnt researched it for ds1 i wouldnt have done it for ds2 as his personality is very different. He's much more confident, loud, physically capable, good speech, likes older children, and used to the school run. I think he would manage in sept. But he has zero attention, still cant hold a pen, no where near knowing letters, hates sitting still, very impulsive. Also wondered if cv would affect this year eg no helping with toiletting, missing chunks of time rtc. We decided to defer, then changed our minds as we thought he would manage, but school had already informed the LA who have released his place. So now he's got to wait til next year. Feel I've fucked up tbh. Awful process!! I'm trying to reassure myself that if he'd been conceived a few weeks later he'd be in that year group and i wouldn't be worrying, but I am worried it will be a bad fit for him/ if he'll be teased when older.

For the pp whose child did well and was moved up, did that work out socially? I also worry about the sibling dynamic of one being moved up but not the other.

Mine are both summer born. Dc1 went with cohort and really struggled with tiredness. She is very stubborn and all the rules in reception just made it worse pushing her towards demand avoidance.
She had to be dragged there for several weeks. Now yr3 but has had issues every year. (Probably asd/adhd) i think her personality combined with being younger so more stressful and tiring was just too much.
Dc2 goes at csa in sept. Im not sure it will be much better tbh. As again underlying issues but hopefully slightly less tired etc. And it would have been very rubbish to miss several months of yr r and most likely some of yr 1.
Dc1 is still meeting targets despite lockdown but has no confidence in her maths and yet if she sat the ks1 satsnow would probably exceed them.
The shorter attention span makes a difference as does the opinion of the teacher

I was born quite prematurely and started school on a part time basis to begin with, but wasn’t deferred. Never thought I should have been in a different year