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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu for wanting to stay sat on the bench?

33 replies

RobynsMama · 13/07/2020 13:32

Walking home from an ultrasound (I’m only 21 weeks but feeling absolutely huge). I developed SPD at 18 weeks and I’ve been in complete agony ever since (had it with my first and was dreading having it again Sad)

I got halfway home and had to sit down on a bench, I’m really struggling with walking anywhere atm and the hospital is only 15 minutes from mine but it feels like a marathon. Anyway I’m sitting on this bench, minding my own business when I hear “she needs to sit down”. I looked over and saw a man and a woman, the woman had a walking stick.

It’s a long bench, there would be over 1m but not quite 2m between us if the lady had sat down at the other end. And I had a mask on. As did this lady. I was more than happy for her to sit at the other end of the bench, after all were out in the fresh air. So I said to them “that’s fine” with a smile and gestured to her to sit.

To which the man replied “no you’ll have to get up there’s not enough space)

I apologised, explained that I’m pregnant and having difficulty walking and I needed to sit down for a while. To which the woman then scoffed, “you’re pregnant, not disabled. I need to sit down. Can you move?”
I said “sorry I need to sit for a while” and the man tutted and called me a selfish cow. (I absolutely hate myself for this but that comment made me tear up and I didn’t want to cry in front of these people so I got up and started walking, and they both sat down only for a car to pull up (and I’m not kidding, about a minute later) and they both got in.

Please tell me I wasn’t unreasonable for wanting to stay sat down, even if it meant this lady had to be less than 2m distance (while outside) from me. They’ve made me feel so horrible (and pathetic).

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/07/2020 13:35

You needed to sit down, and had every right to stay there.

I am sorry you were upset by this.

Batqueen · 13/07/2020 13:37

Anyone that believes they know the extent of someone else’s pain or their ability to walk just by looking at them is an asshole.

You weren’t being unreasonable.

ineedaholidaynow · 13/07/2020 13:37

You could have both sat and faced away from each other.

FrolickingLemon · 13/07/2020 13:39

God what a nightmare for you OP.

Unfortunately there are a lot of people who think that "Pregnancy is not an illness"
And I don't know how many times I've exploded at people for this type of attitude by retorting "No, but it can come with some very debilitating side effects!"

Hugs and Flowers to you. Enjoy the rest of your day. Try and relax and do something nice for yourself.

Dreamersandwishers · 13/07/2020 13:40

How very rude of them. The nasty lady may have been visibly in need with her stick, but that does not make her a priority over you, regardless of the reason that you needed to sit.
Don’t let it upset you, they’re just not worth it.

Somethingsnappy · 13/07/2020 13:40

They were selfish and entitled. And how on earth do they know you're not pregnant AND disabled? Which actually, with SPD, you are, temporarily, in my opinion. It was their choice to maintain two metres, so up to them to move on. I would have stayed where I was.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 13/07/2020 13:40

I hate the "pregnant not disabled" comment. Pregnancy does such weird things to your body, I had spd and it's awful. Of course you weren't in the wrong. Hope you get some relief soon.

PickACoolUserName · 13/07/2020 13:42

You should not have moved OP. I'm sorry this happened to you. They were wankers.

PickACoolUserName · 13/07/2020 13:42

And who are the wankers who voted YABU??

Itisbetter · 13/07/2020 13:44
Shock

What bullying arseholes. Forget them they are horrible people. Of course you must sit down when you need to.

DeltaFlyer · 13/07/2020 13:44

Yanbu at all. They were rude, ignorant and selfish..if they were worried about distancing they could have explained that without insults.
Good luck with the pregnancy x

HermioneWeasley · 13/07/2020 13:45

Of course you were not unreasonable and I’m glad you didn’t move. I’m sorry they upset you, you’ve done nothing before

Sexnotgender · 13/07/2020 13:46

What entitled arseholes.

heartsonacake · 13/07/2020 13:46

YANBU. You should have stayed seated.

PicsInRed · 13/07/2020 13:47

Young arseholes eventually become aged arseholes. You will be challenged and bullied more in pregnancy and once you have children in tow as people will perceive you as weaker and seek to impose. Practice holding firm and repeating "I can't help you" "no", "leave me alone".

💐💐💐

romeolovedjulliet · 13/07/2020 13:47

@PickACoolUserName

And who are the wankers who voted YABU??
those looking for a bun fight ?
footprintsintheslow · 13/07/2020 13:48

They sound like dicks. I would've cried too tbh. Try to put it out of your mind.

missnevermind · 13/07/2020 13:49

Having had SPD you were definitely not being unreasonable.
My SPD never resolved itself and now forms part of my disability.

Doyouwantanothercuppa · 13/07/2020 13:54

I got this from the school secretary when I asked for a parking space in the school car park while pregnant. Obviously I didn’t have a blue badge, but I explained I’d just been discharged from a fortnight in hospital. She suggested I “try my best” to walk to school.

billy1966 · 13/07/2020 14:01

You poor pet.
Try not to think about it.
Unbelievable nastiness.
FlowersCake

ErrolTheDragon · 13/07/2020 14:09

ThanksI'm sorry these people were so nasty to you.

From their POV, they also needed the bench and maybe if the woman was shielding it wasn't adequately long - but that's still no excuse whatever. You're currently effectively disabled due to the SPD. What would they have done if there had been another person with an obvious disability already on the bench?

RobynsMama · 13/07/2020 14:13

Thanks guys Flowers I’m home now having a cup of tea and I feel a bit better. I think I’m feeling extra sensitive bc pregnancy hormones. I’d have given up the seat in a heartbeat if I not been in so much pain, I think that’s why the “selfish cow” comment hurt me so much.

OP posts:
Sunnydayshereatlast · 13/07/2020 14:15

"And you are a rude cunt" ...
For next time.

Willowkins · 13/07/2020 14:15

Sorry this happened to you. Maybe next time you go out, take a stick with you? Not sure if it would help with your SPD but it might protect against this entitled behaviour in the future.

MotherofKitties · 13/07/2020 14:15

They were being incredibly rude and selfish, not you. Well done for not telling them to fuck off. Enjoy your cuppa and don't give it another seconds thought xx

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