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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu for wanting to stay sat on the bench?

33 replies

RobynsMama · 13/07/2020 13:32

Walking home from an ultrasound (I’m only 21 weeks but feeling absolutely huge). I developed SPD at 18 weeks and I’ve been in complete agony ever since (had it with my first and was dreading having it again Sad)

I got halfway home and had to sit down on a bench, I’m really struggling with walking anywhere atm and the hospital is only 15 minutes from mine but it feels like a marathon. Anyway I’m sitting on this bench, minding my own business when I hear “she needs to sit down”. I looked over and saw a man and a woman, the woman had a walking stick.

It’s a long bench, there would be over 1m but not quite 2m between us if the lady had sat down at the other end. And I had a mask on. As did this lady. I was more than happy for her to sit at the other end of the bench, after all were out in the fresh air. So I said to them “that’s fine” with a smile and gestured to her to sit.

To which the man replied “no you’ll have to get up there’s not enough space)

I apologised, explained that I’m pregnant and having difficulty walking and I needed to sit down for a while. To which the woman then scoffed, “you’re pregnant, not disabled. I need to sit down. Can you move?”
I said “sorry I need to sit for a while” and the man tutted and called me a selfish cow. (I absolutely hate myself for this but that comment made me tear up and I didn’t want to cry in front of these people so I got up and started walking, and they both sat down only for a car to pull up (and I’m not kidding, about a minute later) and they both got in.

Please tell me I wasn’t unreasonable for wanting to stay sat down, even if it meant this lady had to be less than 2m distance (while outside) from me. They’ve made me feel so horrible (and pathetic).

OP posts:
pleasecaffeinateme · 13/07/2020 14:15

What absolute arseholes. You were not in the wrong at all! Try not to worry about it, people can be so selfish and the current situation can make them behave even worse. Hope you're home and resting now Flowers

jessstan2 · 13/07/2020 14:16

They were rude. You did nothing wrong. I feel very sorry that you were confronted by these people who should have known better. SPD is quite debilitating and very painful.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 13/07/2020 14:20

They were clearly arseholes to use language like that towards you. It's horrid, but it's more about them than about you. Flowers

A friend of mine had SPD throughout her last pregnancy and in all honesty I think I'd merrily throat-punch someone speaking that way to a pregnant woman after seeing how much pain she was in each day.

Watermelontea · 13/07/2020 14:26

Try not to dwell on it, YWNBU to stay seated and I’m sorry you felt you had to move.

I had SPD with both pregnancies, but with my last one I had to bus it to hospital appointments to see a physio, whilst wrangling a toddler.
I ended up having a similar experience (minus the walking stick and corona) as you at a bus station.
I politely explained why I wasn’t going to vacate the seat I was in, when there were others slightly further down the terminal, and was met with tuts and her shouting loudly saying I was just being lazy.
I responded by offering my hospital notes up, and asking her if she’d like to read about why I needed to sit close to where the bus stopped.

She then became uncomfortable, and just turned around and stared straight ahead until the bus arrived.
Unfortunately being an utter twat doesn’t have an age limit.

diddl · 13/07/2020 14:45

Oh she sounds so nasty.

Did the bench have arms so that you couldn't have sat at either end & faced away from each other?

Lilymossflower · 13/07/2020 14:49

Did yabu by mistake !!! Yanbu whatsoever they sound very rude xx

SmileyClare · 13/07/2020 15:06

Is there anything you can be given to help your spd? I'm thinking a walking aid, crutches? At least you would have a very visual sign that you are incapacitated?

Of course you shouldn't have to but there are rude idiots about.

biglouis · 13/07/2020 15:21

When you have some time to yourself I suggest you go to a course of assertiveness training. One of the first things you will learn is how to say "no" firmly but politely.

"I appreciate your position but I also have a right to consider my own needs and on this occasion I intend to do so."

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