Adult child - how much financial contribution to household?

[Jacalouse]

Adult son and wife both working full time will live with us for around 6 months to save for house deposit. Around £2600 take home pay between them, only outgoing is a small car. Our overall household Bill's and food is around £2400 a month, around half of our monthly income. They will not have to buy any food and I will be making all meals. What is a reasonable contribution from them? (We also will be giving them half towards their desposit)

2 holidays??!!! Errr they can go rent

They will drive you round the bend if they are not saving well while living with you. You need to decide whether this arrangement is a good idea. I would be tempted to take full market rate rent and expect a contribution to food, but would give them the rent as a deposit when they buy their house. Or agree what that rate is and get them to open up a separate account to put it into, so that it is in a separate savings pot. If they draw down on it before buying a house then they get kicked out and have to rent somewhere else.

They are very good at budgeting. They have lived and worked away for a few years. Change of direction for both means lower wages initially. We have always paid for family holidays until kids were 21 and DS 3 and DIL have had holidays every year since with us and by themselves so it's not their only opportunity to so. Would we resent them having 2 holidays and not making any financial contribution to the household? Perhaps we would tbh because they are not children, they are grown adults working full time (as are husband and I) and they are expecting to contribute and are happy to do so. We want to help them, not do it all for them if that makes sense?

I think free board is one thing, but they should pay their way with food. They are adults and warning after all. I'd say £50 a wee each at least. Then say you will review depending on what they eat.

5o pound a week, not per wee!!

If you pay for everything for them you are effectively paying for their holidays. That’s not on.

And why are you doing all the cooking in a house with 4 adults ? Is there some reason your son can’t cook half the meals ? Or is he doing all the housework instead ?

They are eager to have their own place but they have also booked 2 holidays!

Is this a joke? They are taking the absolute piss and I would tell them so.

I’d wait a few months and see how much your bills increase by and then just charge them the difference.

I would only charge them what their food costs and any increase in bills you see. We lived with my DHs parents for a few months for that reason and spent a lot of time in our bedroom; we paid what it cost them to have us there but to be honest it wasn’t an easy few months despite them being lovely so I don’t think I’d of been keen if we hadn’t been saving a lot.
Also that view of pay your way is all well and good but it’s practically impossible to get on the property ladder without help now as things are different.

I agree with asking them to contribute to the food bill/do their own shopping and I would also set a date 6-months ahead to sit down and revise the arrangement - it may be they get so comfortable that it becomes open ended while their house expectations become grander! Better to be clear now than fall out in 2 years' time when they're still with you!

@Jacalouse

They are very good at budgeting. They have lived and worked away for a few years. Change of direction for both means lower wages initially. We have always paid for family holidays until kids were 21 and DS 3 and DIL have had holidays every year since with us and by themselves so it's not their only opportunity to so. Would we resent them having 2 holidays and not making any financial contribution to the household? Perhaps we would tbh because they are not children, they are grown adults working full time (as are husband and I) and they are expecting to contribute and are happy to do so. We want to help them, not do it all for them if that makes sense?

I absolutely agree. I didn’t meant you were wrong to feel resentful, just that I wondered if you did. My children are all under 6 so completely different for me and having thought about it I do think I would feel slightly annoyed about it. Perhaps ask them to buy their own food and contribute what they feel is acceptable to the household? That way you aren’t dictating a price and they can decide between them how much they can afford whilst allowing them to save as much as possible

I'd just have them cover their bills and food. So whatever you gas, electric, water, food is now, divided by how many people life there, times by 2. I dont see the point in them contributing to your mortgage for the short amount of time they're staying with you. I'd tell them it'll be going up to market rate after 6 months to get them motivated.

I think they're taking the piss if they've booked two holidays. They're obviously not into saving as much as they say. Given that, I'd charge them rent. If they were serious about saving, I wouldn't.

And make sure that any treat food and alcohol you have is for you and your husband, not for them. That's not part of the deal.

I think a nominal amount toward food and perhaps gas/electric maybe in the region of 100-200. As they are trying to save, charging them as little as possible is obviously best so they can move on quicker.
We have had help with our deposit and I am so grateful to be on property ladder so well done to you.
You may not feel as though it's your place but I'd possibly set out an expectations of their finances while they are living with you. For example aiming to save at least £2,000 a month (making a £12k deposit at the end of the 6 months . This leaves £600 for disposable income, whatever you decide to take, their personal bills car/phone etc and some disposable although if they can save that aswell even better!

For a family of just 2 adults, even if they were paying £120 a month in council tax they would be better off then 60% of others in the UK so the comments suggesting they are on a low wage are a bit ridiculous. I would expect them to pay enough to cover their food (maybe around £60 a week for the two of them) and a small amount towards the household bills - at least to cover the extra. So perhaps around £300 a month. Then I would put a time limit on if you think you would only cope with living with them for a while and it's then up to them how they use that opportunity. I don't know how much they are spending on these holidays, might just be a few hundred so I'd not judge them for that.

I wouldn't charge anything. Periodically my stepsons have stayed here between uni etc and we've never asked for anything, especially if they're trying to save. Maybe they could help around the house/garden a bit in return?

Token of £50 a week but then I saw they’ve booked 2 holidays, which I think is taking the piss! I’d expect to pay my mum about £100 a week purely for food/bills. That would be plenty to allow me to save money whilst not taking the piss.

Perhaps ask them to pay you what their holidays, plus spends, cost.
Then you won’t feel like you’ve effectively paid for their holiday by not charging rent

They should pay their share of food and bills. It'd still cost them a fair bit more if they had to rent.

At 16 I had an apprenticeship earning £400pm and had to give my mum £200. This went up over the years to about £800 and I had to give her £400. Moved out at 19 and realised she was doing me a favour providing everything for just £400.

My parents charged my brother £100 pw. (For one person) His previous rent, food and bills were £500 a week. So it saved him a lot. He did not go on any holidays.

My parents did not give this money back to him. My mum called it a service charge that would help her not to get annoyed at the extra mess and re-jigging the household timetable to eat dinner at a time that worked for him, cooking things he liked, etc.

They will contribute nowhere near what they would be paying if they were renting and paying their own bills. We have seen on Mumnet before people saying they keep some of the contribution and give it back (effectively saving for them)

I 100% agree with adult dc who haven't left, or who have returned home indefinitely contributing a reasonable amount, to get them used to the idea that actually "paying your way" comes before "spending on treats". However I think adults moving back in for a specific period to specifically save for a house deposit, is a completely different scenario. I would want them to save every penny so they moved out quicker

However, your last post changes everything. I wouldn't be having them to "come home to save for the house" if they are then booking two holidays (unless you are going to reveal this is 4 days camping in Wales). If they aren't making a serious effort to throw every penny at the house buying, then I'd be damned if I wanted another adult couple in my house and all the inconvenience and awkwardness that causes. Yes - to do what I can to help my dc out, but no to being taken advantage of whilst they spend money on luxuries. That, in itself isn't about the money coming in to my account or not, it is about them expecting us to sacrifice our space and peace, and compromise on things like what we eat or what we watch on tele or what time we have a bath or whatever it is causes the resentment in your house, when they aren't taking it seriously, in terms of 100% effot going in to getting that house.

Well how much deposit do they need then?

I paid £50 a week, which allowed me to save but covered my costs to an extent.