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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU or my DH over length of time in pub

58 replies

Slipjigger · 13/07/2020 10:14

My mam and sister invited me to the pub yesterday evening for a bite to eat and a few drinks. We are in Ireland and the rules are that we are allowed 1hr 45 mins in the pub.
TBH I didn't have much interest in going but my mam has been cocooning and was dying to get out. Its all she has talked about for months.
We went into my mam's local, we were in a section of the pub that had 6 tables. We were sat at two small round tables that would normally seat 6 people, we spread out so we were about 1 mtr apart from each other.
There were 2 couples at the other tables and we were 2-3 mtrs away from them.
We ordered food and had 3 drinks each. We stayed for 2.5 hours which was 45 mins over the time limit. The pub didnt mind as they were very quiet. There were lots of empty tables.
I ended up really enjoying myself. I have been very stressed over the last few months, I have had lots of problems with work (was at the point of resigning a number of times), have been working from home while trying to mind 3 children.
I came home in really good form to be met by my DH thunderous mood. He went mental that I had stayed over the allowed time. He has been shopping for my parents as they havent been out and he said what was the point of him doing that if she was going to stay in the pub for 3 hours. He said we were giving her a bad example and she would stay out longer the next time putting her and my dad at risk of catching the virus.
He was very angry with me. I went to bed early and feel awful today. Part of me thinks he is right and I shouldn't have done it and they other thinks he is overreacting. I feel really miserable and am now panicking that we have put ourselves at risk.

OP posts:

Nixen · 13/07/2020 10:16

To be fair it is a bit odd that your mum has been cocooning but is now down the pub. If I had been doing someone’s shopping to save them and they were off down the pub as soon as it opened I’d think they were taking the piss a bit! They could certainly be getting their own shopping from then on!

overlooker · 13/07/2020 10:18

To be honest, there’s no difference between 1hour and 3hours! It’s not like the virus is on a 2 hour clock! The whole thing is utterly ridiculous. Timing means nothing. What matters is not touching anyone, wearing a mask, antibacterial hand wash after touching anything and staying away from everybody so not rubbing shoulders inside the pub. Really if you’re going out, then sit outside! Then you can stay as long as you want.

Bmidreams · 13/07/2020 10:18

So cocooning straight to the highest risk place you can go to? Very strange. I'd be pissed off at doing their bloody shopping!!

Mydogisthebestest · 13/07/2020 10:20

I’d be a bit pissed off if I was him tbh. He’s been doing a lot to help reduce their risk and you didn’t even obey the law when you went out. I would feel like your mum and you had taken the utter piss.

okiedokieme · 13/07/2020 10:20

Whether it was a good idea to go to the pub aside, the risk of the extra hour is negligible.

piscean10 · 13/07/2020 10:23

I would be pissed off too. He did their shopping which clearly shows they could have done it themselves.

Nottobesoldseparately · 13/07/2020 10:24

@Bmidreams

So cocooning straight to the highest risk place you can go to? Very strange. I'd be pissed off at doing their bloody shopping!!

The highest risk place I've been to is the supermarket.

Safest place so far I've been is in fact our local pub.

Bananacloud · 13/07/2020 10:27

Yabvu

Ughmaybenot · 13/07/2020 10:27

I think if he was fine with your mum going at all, given all the help he’s given her, he shouldn’t lose his shit over an extra hour or whatever. The difference that would make is tiny.

Calic0 · 13/07/2020 10:29

Well, if I were him I wouldn’t be doing any more shopping for them. But agree with others that the extra hour is likely neither here nor there in terms of the risk factor.

Original poster

Slipjigger · 13/07/2020 10:30

My mam said to him on Saturday that she would start doing her shopping now but I wasn't overly happy about it as I feel the highest risk place is the supermarket.
She got her hair done on Saturday and collected her pension for the first time last week.
My mam is very odd about going out. She lives for her Sunday evening in the pub, she loves to get dressed up and go out. Its all she looks forward to. She is 73 next month and laments the fact that in a few years she wont be able to go out. The hardest part of the lockdown for her was not going to the pub!
I have been very careful and felt fine in the pub as there were only 6 of us there and we were a good space apart. Mam didnt use the bathroom and never left her seat.
I wish I hadnt gone now though as DH has made me feel so bad.

OP posts:

Quartz2208 · 13/07/2020 10:33

Yeah if she can get her hair done and spend lots of time in the pub she can do her own shopping!

00Sassy · 13/07/2020 10:34

He said we were giving her a bad example and she would stay out longer the next time putting her and my dad at risk of catching the virus.

I assume your mum is capable of making her own choices?

He’s entitled to be annoyed with her choice given the fact that he’s been helping them out whilst they shield.

I don’t know why it’s your fault though.

00Sassy · 13/07/2020 10:35

Bold fail sorry

Goingdownto · 13/07/2020 10:38

IF anyone else in the pub near you had it, you were certainly there long enough to pick it up. Passing someone in the supermarket is not the same risk, though the chance of one of them being infected is higher.

vikingwife · 13/07/2020 10:38

I can see why he would be annoyed tbh. I get your mum loves going to the pub, but if she has had others doing her shopping this whole lockdown then it does look a bit cheeky to pop off down to the pub the moment they reopen.

vikingwife · 13/07/2020 10:42

Also am unsure why a supermarket would seem safer than a venue where there is arguably more room for cross contamination - food/drinks/saliva/food prep/cash/people drinking so become forgetful about social distancing. You perceive a supermarket as being less safe, but arguably their standards have been highest during this lockdown, so they could well be more prepared than the pub. It sounds like you & your mum just really wanted to go to the pub & making excuses. I agree with your husband & would feel taken advantage of.

diddl · 13/07/2020 10:42

So what was he pissed off about?

Having done the shopping?

Staying more than the allotted time?

Looking after his kids whilst you were out having a good time?

Original poster

Slipjigger · 13/07/2020 10:45

@Goingdownto - I understood you had to be within 2 meters of someone to catch it. We definitely were not that close to anyone else. The other couples were talking quietly to each other so no loud talking, laughing etc. I genuinely though that would be ok.

OP posts:

Original poster

Slipjigger · 13/07/2020 10:51

@vikingwife - we went in at 5pm, didnt leave the table, paid with card used hand sanitiser on the way out. As above only two other couple in the pub a few metres away. The place was very quiet, I have seen much busier cafes.

He is annoyed with all of us for staying over the time. I didn't want to go to the pub, I don't really have any interest in it but I did end up having a good time. I just went for company for my mam. Definitely sorry I did now!

I will apologise to him later and wont be going to the pub again.

OP posts:

vikingwife · 13/07/2020 10:52

You must surely know 2m rule is not an exact science. It seems odd after spending all that effort to safeguard your mum, you’d pop off down the pub & assume it was safe to do so. I can see why people who aren’t safeguarding would hit up the pub as soon as they reopen, but not a safeguarding person, that would be a calculated risk. If your husband is doing your mum’s shopping & she now says she is ok to do it, I would either do her shopping yourself or let her get on with it.

Mydogisthebestest · 13/07/2020 10:53

Why didn’t you leave at the time you were supposed to? If it’s the law?

vikingwife · 13/07/2020 10:55

I would just let him vent that he is annoyed to have gone out of his way for your mum, only for her to wheedle her way into getting a pub outing ! It all sounds a bit like clutching straws, about how much your mum loves the pub. You could have had drinks at home, Or something else to give her that “pub outing” feel... it sounds like the rules matter, then they don’t. Which would be frustrating for the person who has gone out of their way for your mum.... just let him vent away & tell him he doesn’t have to do the shopping anymore

Smallsteps88 · 13/07/2020 10:55

1.45 is no different than 2.30 in terms of risk. So I can’t understand your DH’s logic on that tbh. Does he think the virus suddenly jumps further after watching you for 1.45?

But id be pissed off that she went to the pub at all after cocooning and him doing her shopping. I suppose if she’s doing her own shopping now though it’s no problem. She’s done cocooning.

EmbarrassedWoman · 13/07/2020 11:00

Im with you husband sorry.
I would feel like a total idiot if i had been running around for someone doing their shoppong for nearly 3 months because they are high risk.
Then as soon as pubs and hair dressers open the person is back to normal life. I would feel use to be honest.

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