Not heard from SiL or BiL despite our DS being in ICU

[Sausages83]

We gave birth to our beautiful DS early last week and he went straight into ICU due to a difficult birth and needing constant monitoring. We haven't left his side- it's been a stressful, amazing ride so far full of happiness and worry. We left ICU last night and spend our first night home as a family- blissful. We haven't heard once from my DH's brother, or his wife, since the day I gave birth (received a congratulations message) . We have a family WhatsApp group (which includes DH's mother) where we have updated regularly with pictures and bits of info, including the amazing news we were finally discharged last night. Nothing from them. They are much younger than us, and two children of their own, once is only a few months old. So they're busy and I understand that. But I have been a constant support and source of love (for my SiL in particular, especially when the second was born), I checked in regularly, showed her how much I cared, always asked how she and her new arrival was. Every single update and picture they sent to the family WhatsApp, I acknowledged and responded to. So to hear nothing from them is hurtful and actually really p*sses me off. I messaged SiL this morning, a slightly curt message- 'hey, what's up? Me and DH not heard from you or BiL since day of birth- why?' AIBU to expect apology and explanation, and also AIBU to feel let down?

[Atadaddicted]

@HoppingPavlova

Did that desire not to be contacted at all be limited at all or include all family and very close friends?

[Mydogisthebestest]

I just wouldn’t be in a group chat with my husbands sister in law. I honestly don’t see the need to be. I’d leave that to my husband and his brother. And I’d go visit in a few weeks and take a gift and be polite but I’m just not interested in my DPs SIL.

Why do I have to be? I genuinely don’t understand why me wanting a distance to protect myself emotionally is such a bad thing? I’d be polite and go and visit with a gift (but DP would be the picker and purchaser of the gift) but I wouldn’t put myself in a group chat with the SIL and be sending likes and that’s good huns.

[Ignoble]

Why do I have to be? I genuinely don’t understand why me wanting a distance to protect myself emotionally is such a bad thing? I’d be polite and go and visit with a gift (but DP would be the picker and purchaser of the gift) but I wouldn’t put myself in a group chat with the SIL and be sending likes and that’s good huns.

None of that sounds unreasonable, but I'm puzzled as to why you would anticipate needing to protect yourself emotionally from a group chat with your SiL?

[Mydogisthebestest]

I was very close to my niece and Also my cousin in law. I got divorced and they cut me off. Emotionally I found that very difficult and I wouldn’t put myself in that position again. Sorry, I thought I’d already explained that earlier in the thread.

[HoppingPavlova]

Did that desire not to be contacted at all be limited at all or include all family and very close friends?

Absolutely everyone including all family and close friends. There was one exception and it was completely one sided - me updating this person when suitable for me. This was the person all other people who wanted to know how we were doing/what was going on had to contact for updates. While they are family I would not class that person as nearest and dearest but I felt they best had the skills, organisation and time to do what was required of them. I had two close friends who kept messaging saying they didn’t want to go through this person (unknown to them) but wanted to connect personally. I did not have time or capacity for that, none of it was about them and those friendships did not survive.

[HannahStern]

It is a little strange that the OP's DH has not heard from his brother. This should be between the brothers.

Maintaining family contact should not be 'wife work'. If my DH's SIL sent me such a demented text, I would be keeping a very wide berth from her.

[Haenow]

Firstly, congrats on your baby. You must be pleased you’re home. I really do think you need to let it go. They sent you a congratulations message and they may have been worried about bombarding you.
Another poster here has mentioned how stressful she found it receiving messages and I have to say, I felt the same. I would back off and offer support when the family were home. Just another perspective.

[Ravenclawgirl]

Now when disaster strikes someone I know, I think twice before rushing in to make contact. It's not because I don't care, it's just because I don't want to add to their stress

this

[chatterbugmegastar]

OP - you are hoping and expecting SIL to be a communicator in the same way you are

She isn't and I don't suppose she ever will be

If her lack of communication (which is highlighted even more by your choice to communicate effusively) causes you pain , then pull back and don't give so much of yourself when you (now) know that you won't get what you expect in return