Ok so where now? *trigger pregnancy loss* I need help to lose weight

[YeraWizzardHaree]

Right so we've just lost our 15th pregnancy in 3 years. My DH wants to give up and I don't blame him. We live in Manchester so we've been referred to st Mary's hospital where they did some tests and concluded I was fat and that's the issue. I weighed myself today and I'm 20 stone. I feel horrific so if you're here to weight shame me get in line because I'm first! I

I am now trying to lose weight but where do we go next? There are no genetic reasons I am fucking up as a woman, so why?! Are there any private tests I can pay for? Thyroid was fine, everything was fine except folate. I was born with spina bifida but they said that's not relevant. So it's all down to me, and me being fat. I have failed 15 pregnancies by being fat. This has finally hit me now. I need to change and I want to now. I really really want to.

I have downloaded les mills and I have weights so that should help but I feel so guilty I've caused all these miscarriages.

Please help. Where do I even start?

So how do I lose weight properly? And keep it off. I don't want a diet I want to change my life and never be here again

Thank you. I will ignore any weight shaming posts but feel free.

Absolutely no shaming from me - even just thinking about it seriously is an amazing start! A good place to start is thinking about what sorts of things you eat. Do you eat three good meals a day, but then binge eat? Or do you eat healthy stuff, but too much of it?
I've been on both sides - overweight and extremely underweight (eating disorder related). A big thing people don't look at is portion sizes. Do you snack a lot? What would you say a normal day in meals looks like for you?

Also, I'm so sorry for your losses. Don't feel guilty at all, please.

No shaming from me either. You poor thing, what you have been through! Don't blame yourself, easier said than done I know.

This book is good, and the techniques are transferable so may help you in other areas of your life too. www.amazon.co.uk/Compassionate-Mind-Approach-Beating-Overeating/dp/1845298772?tag=mumsnetforu03-21#:~:text=all%202%20images-,The%20Compassionate%20Mind%20Aproach%20to%20Beating%20Overeating%20(Overcoming)%20(Compassion,2011&text=This%20self-help%20book%20explores,foods%20designed%20to%20taste%20good.

The psychology of eating podcast is also good.

I wish you all the luck

Hi OP, sorry for your losses
I practice intermittent fasting (16:8 / 18:6) and find this method to be very quick and effective. Lots of of information on Google and YouTube, and support/advice groups on Facebook.
It’s not so much a diet but a way of eating - where you can still eat the things you enjoy in generous quantities.
Good luck & well done for making the first step in turning your life around

@oliviaskies if I'm honest I kind of ignore meals and then eat one big meal and then drink a lot because it's a big part of my life, I think I might need to address the drinking but it can't be helping! Thank you for the non judgmental comments!

I’m so sorry that you have gone through so many losses - it must have been incredibly traumatic. On the weight loss, the only thing that has been effective in the slightest for me is a low carb diet and actually that’s what helped me get pregnant in the first place as it helped regularise my periods and generally had a positive effect on my hormones which helped me conceive BUT my comment isn’t really about the diet. what I wanted to say was: I’m not a doctor but it seems strange that you can be frankly so successful at getting pregnant (15 times in 36 months!) but then struggle with staying pregnant and for THAT to be caused by being fat? Is there another clinic or second opinion that you could seek? I’d understood, as a fat woman myself, that one of the issues with weight is that it can make it harder to conceive in the first place but you have no problem on that front. Once conception has taken place, has anyone given you a proper clinical reason about why your weight is behind the pregnancies not continuing I.e. how is weight affecting the fertilised egg / embryology aspect? Or is there just a great big assumption being made by your doctors based on an apparent correlation? To the extent that there might be an increased risk of miscarriage with weight, you’d think that on a numbers basis you’d have had some success by now and surely not that many women would be able to get pregnant as frequently as you have managed. Of course, that doesn’t mean losing weight wouldnt be worth a try - no particular reason not to although do take good care of your mental health along the way- this is Not Your Fault - but I hope you haven’t been fobbed off by the hospital. Wishing you all the very best in all of this.

The alcohol could be responsible too also adding calories. If you give up the drink the weight will fall off.
I am sorry for your loss.

Two miscarriages in (this time round) and I have gained a stone. I am going to try again for a baby when the current miscarriage is over and I expect that will be before I have lost the weight from the second pregnancy which happened before I had lost the weight from the first pregnancy. And my doctor said I basically needed to lie flat for the last three weeks of the current pregnancy/miscarriage. And then there was the “fuck it I have just lost a baby give me a burger” phase. Twice.

So if your cycle is anything like mine please stop beating yourself up and focus on what you can achieve now.

I am still trying to figure out the healthy eating thing - but I am eating three meals a day without any takeaways and I hope this will help. You can do it. If you can cope with pregnancy loss come out the other side and try again you can cope with anything - you are incredibly strong and brave xx

Watch your carbs. Exercise 30 minutes a day. Cut drinks with calories. Watch how much your snacking... Cause that shit adds up. Don't drink while you eat... It just washes things down and allows you to eat more.

I was 475lbs when I got pregnant with my first. 270 with my second and 290 with my third. I had gastric bypass, but it isn't an easy fix like people think it is. It's hard fucking work. So... Low carb. Lots of water. Exercise every day (and I didn't think I'd ever say this... But once you've been at it a while... You truly start to enjoy it).

You've got this!

That said.... Don't beat yourself up. Yes weight could be a factor... But I don't like the thought that you blame yourself. You didn't intentionally cause it no matter what!!

Also... My last 2 were donor babies.... So I was on a lot of ttc boards. From there I learned that many women miscarried because of low progesterone.... But from what I understood it was something that needed to be tested while you were still pregnant and monitored. Sooo... If all about that if your Dr hasn't discussed that with you yet.

Best of luck all around.

Sorry I used drag text and did not proofread properly

I am so sorry that you have been through this and firstly as much as it must be hard to do so - you need to focus on the positive action of looking to lose weight. Spending time blaming yourself for the losses is not going to help.

When I have needed to lose weight I need to get mentally in the right place to do this. You have a goal and this your focus.

You need to figure what works for you? Does your husband need to lose weight as you need someone to support you. So while you are enjoying a healthy meal and he is down the chippy that isn't going to work. He needs to be on the journey too.

Lastly - two things have helped me - joining a weight loss group helped me - both slimming world and weight watchers - being weighed each week keeps us the discipline - and once you start losing the motivation is there.

Exercise! I don't mean running marathons - get moving - get a Fitbit and up the step count. It all helps.

Get the first Michael Moseley Blood Sugar Diet book. It is aimed at diabetics (or pre diabetic), the food on this diet is highly nutritious and having lost 4 stone on it THIS WORKS.

I have done diets in the past most of them calorie counting and low fat and I felt miserable and deprived.

There is a chart in the back with suggested recipes for each day of the week.

Following this will not only help you with weight loss it will help you build a stronger and healthier body.

Sorry meant to say this is low carb

Try slimming world, you don’t starve yourself you still get yummy treats and good portions but it really does work! Also knock the drinking the head, that really doesn’t help.
Sorry for your losses and good luck. You can do it. Just need to preserve with it.

How much alcohol units do you drink each week.
My Dsis lost 4stone years ago and kept it off by giving up cocoa cola.
Start taking some pre-pregnancy vitamins.
I hope your luck changes.

I do low fat, low sugar, low carb - just basically clean healthy eating - cooking most things from scratch
Typical breakfast is fruit n yoghurt or porridge
Lunches soup or salad or jacket sweet potato with filling
Evening meal fish, meat, poultry with vegetables
I have also massively reduced drinking
Lost 6 stone so far 2 and a bit to go

Do you think you should see someone about the drinking? No shame, but sounds like it might be the issue.

If you can give up the drink for a few months then I imagine that this will help immensely as long as you aren't replacing the calories with food. I had a friend who had half a bottle of wine a night, gave that up and dropped a stone within a couple of months.

No judgement from me either. I am an emotional eater and when I see things like "You JUST need to stop eating as much" I find it really demotivating because obviously I know that.

I suppose my only advice would be to not try and do everything all at once. Les Mills workouts are crazy intense if you're not a regular gym goer and you may find it quite demotivating knowing that you need to do that everyday (I know I do after periods of non-exercise). Tracking calories on my fitness pal to 2000 a day and getting 10000 steps a day in sounds like a better place to start.

Thank you :) you're all so nice. Going to do a bit of research!

I'm doing my last night shift before 3 weeks off. It's time to write a list of shit I need to do tomorrow, I'm going to get some meat from
The butchers and batch cook and do a work out :)

OP- is St Mary’s an RMC clinic? Or normal gynae with a referral from your GP?

Hi op, really sorry you are going through this.

Obviously different things work for different people, I did a very gradual lifestyle change so not to scare myself.
For me, Keto style works great and it has massively reduced my appetite.

Get some good walks in when you can, start by reducing your alcohol.
I’m a big drinker too and it just makes you hungry.

Try to change one thing a week.
Go carefully with the weights on your first workouts, otherwise you’ll just be in a lot of pain the following days and this is when people stop.
Also watch videos on form to reduce chance of injury.

Stop drinking.

Meal plan every meal. Cook batches and freeze if you need quick meals.

Losing weight should help you get pregnant. It did me.

Sorry for your losses op. I would try slimming world. You would still be able to have a few drinks following that, but eat healthier too. I've lost 3.5st on that and it's easy to follow I've you get into it.

I'm so sorry for your losses op.

A friend and I both had weight loss surgery to help get us in better shape for pregnancy. You must not conceive for a year or so after surgery though. I've lost nine stone in 12 months. Would never have done that through diet. You do need to be serious though about eating healthier after, foreever.
PM if you have any Q's.
(Mumsnet hates weight loss surgery but it's proven to work, and you keep the vast majority of the weight off forever)