Does anyone still just want to get married and have babies?

[Toona]

Just something I was talking about with some friends today.

Most of our group are still unsure if they want any, or if they have had them, it's after they've ticked other things off the list.

I was a bit unusual as I had them younger than the rest, but I work with children, was the first to get married, and have never been ambitious, so got to that stage sooner I suppose. I definitely wanted to do a few things first though!

We were talking about how all our mothers were still quite young (60s) but even though they have all worked and done plenty of other things in their lives, they all seemed sure from their teen years that they wanted to get married and have kids, and if you go up a generation before that, our grandmothers would say things like "all I ever wanted was children"

We've never heard this from anyone recently, so came to the conclusion that 1)women who want the marriage and kids combo above all else are a bit wary of saying so, because people see that as a bit boring these days, or b) previous generations just said it because it was expected of them.

@BabyLlamaZen only because my dh thankfully doesn’t believe because I am a sahm that he shouldn’t lift a finger! He is very hands on with the dc and the housework etc when not at work. They also don’t need me to entertain them as they play with each other. I relax till about 9pm every night though but I am used to it.

I'd love to. Far more than I let on, actually. I'm 30 and surrounded by friends with careers . I always wanted to get married and stay at home- I've come to realise I do want children, too. I'm perfectly happy at home and I feel a contentment and satisfaction from it that I don't get from my job, as much as I enjoy it.

Unless I had sufficient income from another source, I don't think I'd ever stop working completely though. I've seen too many horror stories on here about people left high and dry or having trouble rejoining the workforce after a long break. Plus financially, think we'd need dual income.

Most of the young people I know, my own included, want to marry and have children. That’s not all they want to do, but it’s part of the wider picture of how they want their life to pan out.

*don’t relax , that should say.

I wasn’t sure about marriage but I always wanted kids, ever since I was a child myself. I did everything right - met my partner and married him by 28 but then we spent 10 years and tens of thousands of pounds on fertility treatments before I had my little miracle baby. All my friends will be fairly youngish (60s) when their kids are in their 30s, while I will be in my 70s. But it is what it is - I still want to aim to be an active grandparent but if not I will be the shamlessly indulgent one throwing £1000 cheques and expensive jewellry around for birthdays and festivals and paying for holidays / cars / house deposits etc.

Really interesting replies, thank you!

It's interesting, because I've always been a homebody, and I really enjoy cooking, gardening, decorating and all that, but I never gave marriage or kids any thought until I actually met someone I wanted to marry! My parents raised me to believe that it was perfectly OK to do whatever suited me, and that remaining single and child free was just as valid an option. So it always seemed like something so far ahead that I didn't even think about it. As it turns out, I've taken to domesticity like a duck to water, I still work and enjoy doing so, but I'm happy to have lots of time at home with my husband and the children. I'm sure some people think that's a bit of a small, dull life to have, and compared to many I'm sure it is, but to be perfectly honest, it's what makes me happy and it's what I'm best at. At the same time it's come as a surprise, because I did expect to have more of an all consuming career that I was passionate about at some point during my life, and so far that hasn't happened and I don't miss it.

@AldiAisleofCrap what are your age gaps? I also have brilliant dh who does most of the cleaning and get how hard it is, but I think I would go crazy more than 2 although would love 3 or 4

I never consciously thought that was “all” I wanted . To be honest, I never really thought about it at all. But then I met DH and, after we had our first, my priorities shifted and I just completely lost interest in the career thing. I guess I was lucky that I didn’t need to work, but genuinely, I don’t remember DH and I ever discussing me going back to work, which seems odd now when I think about it . But here we are 4 kids and 17 years later and no regrets!

I think a lot of people enjoy aspects of it op. You've hit the nail on the head that you've had full choice what you want to do, you have had a job and still work and your husband sounds decent if you enjoy spending time with him.

Didn't want either of these - everyone kept saying it was because l was with the wrong man. We split up after 11 years together, met someone was married with a child within a few years so hate to say it, but maybe they were all right. But good for anyone who doesn't want kids or marriage, shouldn't be any pressure to do either.

@BabyLlamaZen dc are 20, 15, 9,8,6,6,4 and a baby. 3-4 was the hardest, after that we had a big family anyway so more dc didn’t seem much more work.

Yep, me. I've not ever really wanted to be anything other than a wife and mother.

@BabyLlamaZen all kids are mine and dh despite large age gaps, I did attempt a career at first but it wasn’t for me.

@Toona - you sound quite similar to how I feel, I think. I never had family pressure, either. My mum has admitted she'd like grandchildren and to see me settled, but only if it's what I want (apart from when she sees a cute baby, then she says hurry up!). I think she knows it is what I want once I realised I'm actually very domestic. I've always been far more domestic than her. I don't think she enjoyed being a SAHM herself.

I don't know anyone who "just" wants that.. Then again my mum (in her 70s) didn't want it either (apparently she only married my dad because they weren't allowed to live together at uni otherwise, and never liked children until db and I came along )

I consider myself old fashioned. I’ve always wanted to be married and have babies and be a housewife etc, I’ve never wanted anything more than I’ve wanted that, my only goal now is to make it down the aisle whilst my grandad is still here to see it. None of my family give two fucks about marriage and such like, it won’t be a proud moment for any of them to see, I just want him to see, id go down the registry office in my jeans tomorrow if DP said the word and my grandad could witness it. I do feel a bit sad admitting that, a lot of women are looked down on for having that attitude

I don't recall growing up thinking I wanted to get married and have children. When I met my now dh, getting married definitely became something I wanted to do. I still wasn't sold on having children though. That took quite a while before I decided. I definitely felt the urge to do other things such as travel over starting a family.

I don't recall growing up thinking I wanted to get married and have children. When I met my now dh, getting married definitely became something I wanted to do. I still wasn't sold on having children though. That took quite a while before I decided. I definitely felt the urge to do other things such as travel over starting a family.

Firstly I don't think all women of any generation are all the same OP.

Secondly I always knew I wanted kids. But didn't really feel one way or the other about marriage. I did get married because it was important to my DH. But would have felt happy not to as I feel secure in my relationship with him.

My ambition is to be happy. My job is a part of that. I work doing something that is positive for society and am comfortable.. but various things make me happy not just one thing. Loving family is important to me. That includes, parents, siblings, cousins, kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles...,loving friends are also hugely important as is sunshine, Christmas, travel, health, food, music, creativity, nature, my pets....🤷‍♀️

I absolutely want marriage and children but only with the right man.

I’m a Christian and consider marriage and family life to be a “vocation” and a sacred covenant between a man and a woman so it’s a very spiritual thing for me and I take it very seriously/not something to be entered into lightly. I wouldn’t marry someone who didn’t have the same outlook as me. I have ended a relationship because he didn’t want to be a husband or a father before.

I’m fully prepared that it may not happen but I know deep in my soul it’s what I want. I really believe in Marriage despite my own parents having had a terrible one. Although I want biological children more than anything I couldn’t have had them outside of a marriage. I’d feel so insecure and worried about their future...financially, in the event of death or sickness. I know there are no guarantees with marriage but there is at least somewhat of a security and safety net in marriage for the protection of children and spouses that is much more difficult legally without a marriage.

All I ever wanted was to be a wife and SAHM. I did qualify in my chosen field first though. I am married with children but unfortunately can't be a SAHM. I am at the moment because I'm on maternity leave but will need to go back. I managed being a SAHM when my first two were little but can't this time round.
It makes me so sad as it's what I want. We could live on my husband's wages but would be nothing left over for treats. Think I'm in a minority though.

Yep. Engaged at 19, married at 20. Wanted all my babies by 30 which hopefully will be the case as I have 2 and hopefully done. Got my degree in the middle of it all and now enjoying my career but marriage and kids was definitely the priority.

That's me. I didn't ever dream of having a specific career. I dreamt of seeing a bit of the world and finding someone to spend life with and being a mum. Every time I thought about my future, being a mum was what I would daydream about. A lot of my daydreams didn't look how life looks with a toddler and baby on the way, I thought when I was younger it would be all baking cakes and doing crafts, but it really is everything I ever wanted.

I always wanted to be married and have children. I wanted what I had growing up; I have 1 sister and our parents were (and are) still together and I had a very happy childhood. I’m now married and we have 3 children and I can honestly say I love my life. There’s nothing I would change at all and we’re very happy. I feel lucky to be this happy as I know many others aren’t.

I feel like it was the only option open to many women so it was what they expressed desire to do. Where as now its not as expected so women and girls think they can do other things. Also the need to go to uni and work lots to get any kind of decent wage is a reality. So most people are in mid 20s before they're considering it could be a reality. I feel that waiting to be financially stable is more if a thing than it used to be.