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Original poster

Had to tell you but now you’re upset

51 replies

Daisydaisy4me · 12/07/2020 10:04

Had to tell the boyfriend that he has bad breath. Things have got worse in the last 18 months. I’ve told him twice before but it took so much courage to say something. He can be quite sensitive but all this is now affecting the relationship. I avoid intimacy and I dread having to put up with the smell.

I’ve been so polite, telling him to see a dentist or go to the doctors in the nicest way possible.

No I’ve told him again he seems withdrawn and annoyed with me. How can I not say anything though. Now I feel bad for upsetting him I’m not sure if I was wrong to say anything.

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 12/07/2020 10:07

I think if you're in a relationship there are certain things you'd need to speak up about; bad breath is one of them.

If he's offended but doesn't do anything about it, you don't have to be with him. If DH told me that my breath smelled I'd try and do something about it because nobody wants to kiss someone whose mouth smells like a foot.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 12/07/2020 10:11

Fine to tell him but it is a delicate matter so needed very careful handling. You may have been polite but this is something to deal with very sensitively.

You should have said you had something very delicate to discuss about a hygiene issue and then made him drag it out of you in bits and drabs so that he felt you really didn't want to say it. Grin

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 12/07/2020 10:17

Does he go to the dentist regularly? Does he floss? Does he have an electric toothbrush? Does he use mouth wash?

If he is doing all this, it could be indicative of something else and does need checking out.

If he doesnt, i couldnt be with someone with such low hygiene standards. Youre not his mother.

I had an ex who had dreadful teeth. Online date. Wouldnt have looked twice if his photos had him with an open mouth. Turned out he smoked (which he then quit), hadnt been to a dentist in years (he then found one and attended) And was using a normal brush (i got him an electric one and told him to floss). But then having to do that much parenting with an adult was exhausting and it didnt last more than a few months. Funnily enough his body was great, Like six pack and pure muscle, so it wasnt about not taking care of himself generally.

Thornhill58 · 12/07/2020 10:20

Nothing more off putting than bad breath. Honestly he should be more sensitive towards you. Good breath is essential for intimacy. I couldn't put up with it.

Had to tell you but now you’re upset
Thornhill58 · 12/07/2020 10:23

General higiene is very important

Had to tell you but now you’re upset
Original poster
Daisydaisy4me · 12/07/2020 10:26

Thanks. It’s got to a point where I feel like his mum. I’ve told him 3 times now in the last year. He says he flosses and brushes his tongue etc twice a day.
He has a high sugar diet aswell. Has a tendency to eat crap.im just fed up of this. It feels like a threat to my own health when I have to inhale the Stench!!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 12/07/2020 10:28

OP,
Bad breath is just awful.

The fact that you have mentioned it a couple of times and he hasn't taken action, would piss me off and is on him.

The fact that he has a huff would piss me off even more.

If I were you I would spell it out to him that it isn't an easy thing to say to someone, that you avoid intimacy because of it, so because he hasn't actioned it earlier, you have now spelt it out. If he wants to behave like a petulant child, perhaps ye should take a break from each other.

He sounds juvenile and hard work.

You are not his mother.

Having to dance around such an issue and to repeat it would give me the ICK.

Shoxfordian · 12/07/2020 10:28

Has he been to the dentist or anything to try to address it? Just dump him, life's too short op

Lysianthus · 12/07/2020 10:29

What @FudgeBrownie2019 said. Just to add, if you can’t have this sort of conversation now, imagine later on down the line having really really difficult conversations about life changing issues. If he reacts like this to something so minor in the scheme of things, it would be a red flag to me.

MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 12/07/2020 10:31

Op, it doesnt sound like youre compatible. Dont lower your standards. Dont waste your good years on him.

steff13 · 12/07/2020 10:34

If his dentist hasn't found any issues, it could be stomach problems causing it. Maybe he needs to see his doctor.

Original poster
Daisydaisy4me · 12/07/2020 10:37

Yh I do think it’s related to his stomach as he gets heartburn a lot. Then he has the cheek to make snide comments eg if I offer him a sip of my drink he’ll say “no coz u said my breath smells” pathetic really. If I give him a peck on the cheek he’ll say “oh Yh kiss me on the cheek cos u said my breath smells”

I find it immature and insulting he can react like that when he’s inflicting this on me!

OP posts:
SmudgeButt · 12/07/2020 10:39

Simple solution. Bad breath no sex. He'll get it sorted.

diddl · 12/07/2020 10:41

Oh dear-get rid-not for his breath but his attitude!

IdblowJonSnow · 12/07/2020 10:48

He could have reflux. But the high sugar diet wont help.
He sounds a bit pathetic and childish from your latest post!

Regularsizedrudy · 12/07/2020 10:50

Life’s to short for shit like this

TheStuffedPenguin · 12/07/2020 10:52

Too much sugar ? He's not at risk of diabetes is he ?

TimelyManor · 12/07/2020 10:53

Does he take any responsibility for himself, OP?

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 12/07/2020 10:57

You were 100& RIGHT to tell him. Its horrible to expect your partner to kiss you when you have halitosis plus its probably to do with his stomach and the acid reflux as that can cause rank breath.

He needs to see his GP to get this checked. I dont want to alarm you but constant acid reflux that is never controlled can eventually turn cancerous in the oesophagus as the acid causes changes in the cells.

His reaction to this is incredibly immature- does he just expect you to put up with it? can he not see that this is a huge turn off just as it would be if you expected sex and had pungent BO. I think i'd dump him for his attitude, not the medical issue. Urgh.

Berthatydfil · 12/07/2020 10:58

“ Then he has the cheek to make snide comments eg if I offer him a sip of my drink he’ll say “no coz u said my breath smells” pathetic really. If I give him a peck on the cheek he’ll say “oh Yh kiss me on the cheek cos u said my breath smells”

My vagina would just shrivel you at that.

So basically he would prefer you to have an unpleasant experience when you’re being affectionate or intimate to him having Hurty feels. Yuck !

Berthatydfil · 12/07/2020 10:58

Shrivel up - sorry about the random you in there

lyralalala · 12/07/2020 11:01

If he does have a good tooth brushing/flossing routine then he could have tonsil stones

I had them once after being unwell and no matter how much I brushed it smelled like something had died in my mouth until I got rid of the stones

I live in fear of them coming back. Even I could smell them at one point when I breathed out

br1anmay · 12/07/2020 11:02

Whilst I get that it's not nice to be told you have bad breath, he should be pleased someone pointed it out to him! He should have been making a conscious effort to get rid of the issue from the first time you told him; brushing/flossing/using mouthwash after every meal to determine if that solves the issue.

I would only have to be told once that my breath was bad before I did something about it.

billy1966 · 12/07/2020 11:02

OP,

You are wasting time with this smelly twat.

Move on.

Gingernaut · 12/07/2020 11:04

He may have tonsil stones or an underlying gum or chest infection.

He really needs to visit a dentist as soon as they start taking patients.

He also sounds immature and sulky.

I hope the relationship isn't too serious, as this grudge bearing childishness would really put me off someone like him.