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Original poster

Had to tell you but now you’re upset

51 replies

Daisydaisy4me · 12/07/2020 10:04

Had to tell the boyfriend that he has bad breath. Things have got worse in the last 18 months. I’ve told him twice before but it took so much courage to say something. He can be quite sensitive but all this is now affecting the relationship. I avoid intimacy and I dread having to put up with the smell.

I’ve been so polite, telling him to see a dentist or go to the doctors in the nicest way possible.

No I’ve told him again he seems withdrawn and annoyed with me. How can I not say anything though. Now I feel bad for upsetting him I’m not sure if I was wrong to say anything.

OP posts:
DotBall · 12/07/2020 11:04

Is he lactose intolerant?

My DS had bad breath as a small child. It was a casual mention to the dentist and her suggestion of lactose intolerance that solved it. His breath literally stank like poo. It was particularly rank after eating yoghurt. He’s an adult now and has milk/cereal about once a week as a supper and can cope with that but no more.

He was bottle fed and always had issues with eating until he was on solids, but no medic suggested the link with lactose. This was 24 years ago though.

DotBall · 12/07/2020 11:09

Other causes can be high blood sugar/diabetes (pear drop smell), digestion issues from stomach to small intestine (can smell like sulphur) and he also might have H Pylori.

Bad breath often starts lower than the mouth.

pollyglot · 12/07/2020 11:11

I read somewhere that halitosis is grounds for divorce in Russia. I don't think i dreamed that!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/07/2020 11:13

Has he got a lot of plaque that needs removing? If so a hygienist session might well fix it.
A dd once had a temp job in an upmarket estate agent’s, where one of the senior staff had the most horrendous bad breath - dd said it made you recoil.

Whether anyone told her I can’t remember, but eventually it turned out that she hadn’t been to a dentist for several years.

When she finally did go and saw the hygienist, gaps appeared between her teeth where there had apparently been none before - the plaque was so bad!

But the breath situation did improve dramatically.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 12/07/2020 11:21

The bad breathe would be off putting for me. His ridiculous behaviour after you told him would be a deal breaker

FatherBrownsBicycle · 12/07/2020 11:24

buy Him some of this and see if it makes a difference.

www.superdrug.com/Toiletries/Dental/Mouthwash/The-Breath-Co-Fresh-Breath-Oral-Rinse-Icy-Mint-500ml/p/334500

Binny36 · 12/07/2020 11:28

Don’t feel bad! You had to tell him. It’s best to come from a loved one than someone else

back2good · 12/07/2020 11:34

Foul.

I told an ex that his breath had changed and was getting worse, so he went to the dentist. 3 cavities.

If he's being pissy that's on him. Tell him you can't be with someone who doesn't look after himself and care that his failure to do so directly impacts on your attractiveness to him. Tell him to get his butt to a dentist or stay away from you.

ohdearmymistake · 12/07/2020 11:34

Oh dear-get rid-not for his breath but his attitude!

This 100%, life is to short for this smelly shit

minipie · 12/07/2020 11:35

Oh deae. I read your OP and was going to say he’s probably embarrassed, give him time and he’ll be grateful you told him.

But then you said you’ve mentioned it 3 times (and still he hasn’t been to the dentist?) and he’s making sulky comments about you having told him. Not a good sign.

You were not wrong to mention it. Health wise and relationship wise you have done him a big favour. Shame he can’t see that.

InkieNecro · 12/07/2020 11:40

I was going to suggest a tongue scraper as tongue brushing doesn't seem to work for some people. However the childish reaction is ridiculous. I'd expect him to be a bit quiet and upset, but not to lash out at you like that

billy1966 · 12/07/2020 12:00

I wouldn't dream of buying him anything to sort it out.

OP is not his mother.

Not her job to sort his lack of hygiene.

To quote someone on here, my "vagina shrivelles" when I read posts where woman are supposed to "mother" the men in their lives.

If you are doing that shit for a boyfriend, exactly wtf do you expect if you end up with them long term.

Run OP, run...

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 12/07/2020 12:01

Does he go to the dentist and the dental hygienist regularly?

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 12/07/2020 12:02

I wouldn't dream of buying him anything to sort it out

lol right? she isnt his mother and he is a grown adult man who is perfectly capable of taking care of his own personal hygiene issues. If he isnt doing that then that means he simply doesnt care and so why on earth should OP spend her OWN money fixing his rank breath???

Emeraldshamrock · 12/07/2020 12:03

Fairplay to you. I don't know how anyone wouldn't appreciate a nudge if they'd a smelly breath.
He has a choice to deal with it, if he continues to ignore it I'd move on.

Whenwillow · 12/07/2020 12:12

His response is very odd. If you can't point out something like that within your relationship then when can you? Obviously being tactful if it's not just morning bad breath (which is greeted in this house with 'eww clean your teeth before you kiss me')
He'd be wise to stop sulking and see a doctor (a friend of mine had really foul breath, which obviously really upset her. No one likes to stink. It turned out she had cancer of the oesophagus, and the bad breath was the first symptom)

mumwon · 12/07/2020 12:22

it may be sinus issue & no amount of teeth cleaning will fix that it couls also be an issue with digesting milk (or not digesting milk) don't assume its sugar in his diet

Alonelonelyloner · 12/07/2020 12:24

One of the reasons my marriage ended was because of my ex's lack of hygiene, most specifically dental. Even the kids complained. He just didn't look after himself and if you don't care enough to even be attractive to your partner then what's the point. You are not his mother and you don't need to buy him anything. You've told him 3x and he hasn't done anything yet. Give him an ultimatum. You can't have intimacy with someone with bad breath. You've done him a big favour.

MilkRunningOutAgain · 12/07/2020 12:40

A colleague of mine had awful breath ( not so much of a problem in a work colleague) which was caused , he told me, by a dairy intolerance. No idea if this is true. He was great to work with , kind , patient and hard working and great at explaining things to new staff, but not to sit next to in the office!

PenelopePitstop49 · 12/07/2020 12:41

I've had the same with DH. He has a very high sugar diet and way too much tea/coffee, and never drinks water. He was diagnosed with a hiatus hernia a couple of years ago and I think that's been the main cause - the medication helps but hasn't cured. I could also smell something else, and it was repeated nagging/rows that eventually sent him off to the Dentist. X rays showed a huge infection in his jawbone, he had to have 4 teeth removed, a bone implant in his jaw, and he's still undergoing treatment thanks to this stupid Covid outbreak.

His breath still isn't great Sad

Original poster
Daisydaisy4me · 12/07/2020 12:51

Yh he thinks he’s lactose. I’m just fed up of trying to rack my brain about what I could be but he isn’t. He had a decayed tooth just after xmas. He got that sorted but there is obviously something still not right

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisydaisy4me · 12/07/2020 12:52

Didn’t really want to end the relationship over it because it should be able to be resolved. But it is also making me not so attracted.

OP posts:
DotBall · 12/07/2020 13:18

Stop all dairy including cheese, yoghurts etc for a fortnight and see if it improves.

TimelyManor · 12/07/2020 13:48

@Daisydaisy4me

Didn’t really want to end the relationship over it because it should be able to be resolved. But it is also making me not so attracted.
I'd be more concerned about the effect of his attitude on your relationship.
Movinghouseatlast · 12/07/2020 13:51

This happened to me- my boyfriend had awful breath.

When he went to the dentist it wss discovered that a swab had bern left in his mouth, undeerneath a cap on his tooth!