Newborn first night HELP

[BakerlooLine]

Posting for traffic. Just came home with my newborn today. DH and I are both exhausted from no sleep for 3 nights in postnatal after a stressful c-section. (DH was allowed into hospital due to unusual medical conditions). DH was up all night last night so that I could finally get some rest. He has just fallen asleep even though he was worried about doing that.

Tonight baby wouldn't settle in next to me crib and is currently not latching either (am expressing for now) so I don't know how to comfort him. Have tried everything.

I managed to swaddle him (not up to arms/shoulders) in a muslin that smells familiar and after a couple of hours got him calm and sleeping in the next to me crib.

Now I'm lying here trying to stay awake as I'm scared in case I've done it wrong. I am terrified to switch off the light and go to sleep in case he stops breathing. I've realised that in postnatal one of us was always awake. Is it normal for the couple to both go to sleep? What if the baby doesn't wake up for feeds? Should i set an alarm? I can't believe I've never thought about this!

Sorry for all the questions but I didn't know I'd feel like this. I'm lying here trying to pinch myself to stay awake, with the bedside light on and watching the baby's breathing like a hawk.

You and your partner sound like champions! The first few days and weeks are hard and you've already managed 4!. I really agree with a previous poster who said its important to try to keep the nights as dark as possible. So the baby starts to realise there is a difference between day and night

If feeds will allow try sleeping in shifts. That's how we got through the early days. I had 9-1 by myself and it meant I could sleep fairly easily knowing DS was being looked after. He was ff though which made it easier.

I understand your anxiety but you do need some sleep!

I remember the same with my first baby. Brought him home, got him to sleep and thought 'when am I allowed to sleep?'

Absolutely go to sleep op. If you're worried about whether his swaddle is right then get some Love To Dreams or Ergopouches. But if he's not happy in his swaddle he'll just kick and cry and wake up so you'll know!

Congratulations

I also had a difficult section op. If you haven't already get some good recovery pants and have physio.

Congratulations OP

We brought our newborn DS home about 10 days ago and had an awful first night as both terrified of something happening to him if we fell asleep. Didn’t help that he was unable to latch properly so just screamed and screamed! We slept in shifts for the first few nights in the end and moved on to bottles which has really helped him settle. For the last couple of nights we’ve relaxed into it I think; I go to bed around 10 while DH stays up to do the last feed around midnight (DS is quite awake during those couple of hours for some reason!), then puts him down in the Moses basket by our bed and we both get some decent sleep. I get up for the early morning feeds to let DH catch up on his sleep.

Works fine for us but you’ll figure out quite quickly what suits you and your baby and get into a little routine. Good luck and wishing you a speedy recovery from your section!

I felt so anxious about whether my baby would stop breathing and I couldn't sleep so I brought a breathing monitor mat that goes under the mattress of the next to me crib where an alarm would go off if the baby stops breathing, this allowed me to feel less anxious and get some sleep without worrying. Congratulations on your baby

Depends on age. Under 3 days old he's just going to have the odd drop of breast milk and it's more about the practice.
Your choice about how you feed: baby led would work if you feel comfy waking on his feeding cues.
Leaving hospital where all the staff are available must be totally overwhelming.
Why don't you ring breastfeeding network? They can help with advice.

Yeah the first few nights were full of anxiety for me too! I set an alarm for 4 hours after every feed to remind myself and wake up. I needed it for the first 2 days and nights as DS was slightly jaundiced and very sleepy (midwives in the hospital gave out to me for leaving him sleep for 5 hours without waking up to feed and he was 9lbs 3oz at birth) but then he started waking up himself when he was hungry.

Congrats on your lovely baby! You're doing great!

My first night home from hospital with my first baby was the worst night of my entire life.

And by my calculations you have now survived it!

You got this mama. It won't always be like this.

You can definitely sleep when your baby is asleep.

Get a grosnug - it’s a swaddling sleeping bag. Takes out the worry of swaddling and is really easy to use and change nappies in.

Oh I remember the first night well. My son takes ages to go to sleep that night and I spent my time googling could I buy the plastic box crib he slept so well in at the hospital!

I used light from the en-suite as I wanted to be able to see him all night without putting on a big light. Maybe get a night light?

I put it down to change i environment and the next few nights went better.

As we all settled in I found my bottle fed baby liked to feed a little and often through the evenings so even if he had a bottle at 7, if he was unsettled again at 8 I gave him more milk. Normally by 9/10 he was done and would often sleep for a good 5/6 hours.

I used to set alarms thinking I must feed him every 3 hours the first week but soon stopped once I got my confidence he was getting enough over a 24 hour period

Hope you got some sleep OP the first nights are so tricky, you doubt every thing you do. Just know if it feels hard and confusing and scary then it’s totally normal! It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong.

Your baby may sleep a bit longer and not feed much for the first couple days. Colostrum satisfies them quickly. Day three is when milk usually comes in and that’s when the baby starts getting demanding! Sleep when baby does :).

I can remember that panic feeling.

DH and I got home with DD1 we put her car seat down on the floor, sat next to each other on the sofa looking at her thinking 'help! what on earth have we done!'

DD1 is now all grown up and leaving home next month.

Oh bless you op ! I remember those days ....little did I know that I would not need to set an alarm for the next 6 years !

Hope you got some sleep OP

Ps: try some form of rope ladder attached to the bed to help yourself sit up in the early days.

The physio told me before discharge post-EMCS with DS1 that the best way to get to sitting is to roll onto your side facing out from the bed, then as your swing your legs down over the side of the bed to the floor push up your torso with your arms - massively reduces the load on your battered/shredded abs. Don’t even bother trying to get to sitting from lying prone on your back.

Congrats on your lovely new baby OP! It gets easier quite quickly, honest.

I have the same advice as everyone else but I wanted to say this exact realisation happened to me - got to night time and it dawned on me that I didn’t know what to do. After a few days you’ll feel better about sleeping when the baby does.

Congratulations!

I would say OP that not all babies let you know when they are hungry in the initial drowsy days. I couldn't believe it but current newborn didn't wake herself up when hungry - the night we didn't set an alarm she didn't wake for over 5 hours which is actually not a good thing in the initial days. She was jaundiced though which is supposed to make them too sleepy sometimes. I also got told off by the mw for letting her sleep so long. First baby was loud and insistent at feed times so we did not expect this at all!

Dd didn’t sleep ... she had reflux from day 1 and screamed for her first year. Sleep was a thing of the past. Ds so far has been a typical kind of baby. As a newborn I’m sure he wanted fed every 3 hours roughly. I rem checking with midwife and she said just go with it. He was a good weight and only slightly jaundiced. He stayed regular every 3 hours for a good while and then went 4 hours. When it’s your first baby it’s so daunting and hard to trust your own instincts. Above all else my advice is that YOU need sleep. Everything unravels when you are exhausted. Actually exhausted. If it means taking turns to sleep do that. Do whatever it takes for YOU to sleep. Babies can be loud and demanding and it’s easy to forget yourself.

Sorry forgot to add, I also had section with ds. Like you we had the side cot set up on dh side as I struggled to move. Although ds was my second baby I still rem that feeling of wanting to check his breathing etc. It’s an instinct and as soon as was possible I slept next to ds. Even if I woke dh to help me - sleeping next to ds made it easier for me to nod off. We also got him in a sleeping bag ASAP so that I wasn’t worried about covers or swaddles. He did like a swaddle so he was about 2 months when I switched to the sleeping bag but it deffo helped me sleep.

Those first few nights at home with a new born are a crazy, bewildering time. I remember it well.
It will all get more 'normal' soon.
Congratulations

I used a Snuza breathing monitor with both of mine until they started to roll over etc which would cause false alarms with it slipping off the nappy. I didn’t use it for the first few days with my first and was up all night checking her breathing, but was able to sleep more once I started using it. I used it from night 1 with DC2.

The first few days with a newborn were the worst of my life. It is such a shock and so difficult. Be kind to yourself and get as much help as possible

This was 10 years ago for me too and has brought it all flooding back! So nerve wracking and downright frightening the first new days. I’ve got photos of my husband on the sofa with the baby in one hand and “What to Expect” in the other
It does get better, you’ll be amazed at how you get into the swing of things.