To have not made much effort lately

[Archie1989]

So my husband has been off with me today, and finally came out with his problem. I haven’t been making an effort with my looks since lockdown. And do you know what? I don’t completely care. When I did make an effort, it’s not like I got complimented.

We are both working from home with no childcare, no family help etc, we have a 20 month old son, who I do the night shift with (he’s not a great sleeper). Then I have to start work at 7am to trying and do my hours, so he can do his hours too. I am just about treading water with every aspect to keep things going. The place is a mess, I am trying to hold on to my job. And now I’m apparently a slob.

Meh

Wow is he normally this shallow and misogynistic? How does he look?

Give him this

He sounds like a nob. I'm glad you don't care that he thinks this. As long as you're still maintaining basic personal hygiene (and to be fair I think most of us have dropped our standards on this during lockdown!) then he's massively out of order to say that to you.

He’s not really shallow, but he has been critical in the past with my clothes and hair. He said he knows I’m busy during the week, but it would be nice if I straightened my hair to go out and about at the weekend (ie the beach or park!)

Tell him to get stuffed!!

Definitely on top of personal hygiene- shower every day...it’s just not straightening my hair, as it’s naturally quite wavy...to be honest, some days I just stick it up in a bun without brushing it properly, so it looks a bit fluffy round the edges

Also - my clothes are a bit old. But I don’t see the point in buying new ones right now

Does he straighten his hair then? Make some sort of special effort?
No, thought not

@Whoknowswhocares he doesn’t have enough hair to straighten....it’s mostly fallen out :D

I have seen a few threads on here where people will say that it's ok for a partner to voice what they find attractive and attraction is important in a relationship. I do get this but I think there are so many caviats with this. Such as; when you have a young child and we're in a sodding pandemic and you're grafting your bum off by the sounds of it. Also has your appearance changed drastically? I'm sorry but this does sound shallow. It would really change how I thought of someone if they said this.

What about ageing or illness which will potentially change your looks way more than not doing your hair? How's he gonna cope then?

I'd be really pissed off if DH said something like this to me. His hair has been a state from not getting cut for months & we both live in jogging bottoms at home so are equally unattractive but who fucking cares!

Yeah how much effort is he making and are you both getting the same amount of "leisure time" and him taking up
more so you have time to do all this extra self care?

What? What a dick! Can you tell him you'd find him more appealling if he (insert a long list of time consuming and unnecessary grooming tasks) and then leave the house so he can look after his child while he gets on with meeting your minimum standard of arbitrary aesthetics?

I've fully let myself go since lockdown and I've not half as much on my plate as you. Fuck it 🤷‍♂️

I'd tell him it would be nice if he painted his willy in gold leaf and French platted his pubes.

To be off with you about it is completely unreasonable. My DP will say to me, "why don't you go and wash your hair and the little man and I will go out for a bit/play for a bit/do something." That's not because he's telling me I'm a slob but because he knows it takes forever to do my hair (I have very curly hair, takes around 1.5 hours to wash and dry) and so I do it less often, so I appreciate that suggestion. If he was off with me for not washing my hair, he'd be told where to bloody go.

I think we need a photo - of him!

Why doesn’t he do any part of the night shift, if you’re both working?

And is it you who has to work the anti social hours?

Also, for you to have time to spend on yourself he’d have to make the time for you.

And also, he sounds a twat commenting on this! What efforts is he making?

If you’re getting changed out of your pyjamas for the day you’re doing OK.

@Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches his office set core hours to work from home, while mine has been a bit more flexible, so I’ve been working round his hours.

I do the night shift because our son breastfeeds and he’ll only settle for me. I’ll be starting night weaning soon!

@SummerHouse 😂

@TokenGinger see that’s a lovely way to approach it from your other half. I said something like that to my husband - why can’t he see it that I maybe need some time for myself to be able to practice more self care right now

I'd totally be like, oh have you not waxed your legs and put foundation on? Why don't you put something pretty on to look nice for me.

How about "I'm glad you've raised this - I haven't had much time to take care of myself. If you will do every other night with the little one - say 7pm to 7am then I will be better rested and might have the energy to care"

You're doing every single nightshift, on top of working anti-social hours to accommodate his job, whilst he gets a full night's sleep every night and he has the cheek to get the hump with you because you don't have the time or inclination to do your hair?? What a prick.

I have totally let myself go, and wouldn't be getting dolled up to go to the park. Tell him to read this thread....what an ungrateful dick.