It's a work one!

[its7oclock]

I've name changed for this

Started new job several months ago. Probation is 6 months - I've already been told I've passed this. (It will end middle of August)

Anyway I'm very very very unhappy where I am. It's a step up in the line of work I do (only get an extra £100 after more tax and extra childcare costs)
It's causing me so much anxiety which I've never suffered from before, I can hear my heart beating and feel sick to the stomach and feel like I'm on the verge of a heart attack 24/7. The manager is horrendous - literally screams at us. Other workers lie to try to get out of a telling off and the manager believes the lies and then bollocks the innocent person.
This happened to me again a few weeks ago and I've been a nervous wreck since.
I want to go back to my old job but my dh (not sure dear is the right word) is saying just ignore it but he just doesn't understand how hard that is!
If I hand in my notice prior to probation ending it's only 2 weeks notice whereas after it's a month.

Aibu to go back to my old job or even another? I'm very qualified in my line of work and have lots of experience (not being big headed but I'd be able to get another job easily)

My dh says I "always" do this and find fault in my job (I do have bpd but you wouldn't actually know it, lots of my close friends are unaware!)

I was in my previous job 2 years and only left as I was offered this step up. One prior to that 4 years.

Sorry for rambling on but advice very much welcome

Life's to short for an extra £3.00 a day.
Just start applying for other jobs now.

£100, unless you are absolutely skint to the last penny every month, does not even remotely make up for such a hideous working environment. If you have a job to go back to, go running.

What do you like about your current job?

Yanbu. Mental health can’t be seen but wreaks havoc with YOUR life.
Get out of the job whilst you can and either go back to what you were doing or change to something else. Its just not worth the £100.

Thank you.

I love my actual role and I do it well.

I know your all right and I definitely don't need the extra £100 as I lived fine on my old salary - not well off or anything but we don't want for anything and save for big things like holidays. We take home around £3k a month between us which is plenty for us.

I just don't know how to convince the husband this is the best move.
He doesn't understand how this is effecting me so badly as he is the type to not give a shit and keeps saying just ignore her (even though he's admitted she's an absolute bitch)

But it's affecting my life at home. I'm not 100% there for our kids as I'm just on edge all the time which is making me even more low as I keep thinking I'm a bad mum. I'm crying just typing that as I haven't said it out loud.

Please, please resign. This is dominating your thinking and is absolutely not good for your MH.

Your happiness and wellbeing is more important than money; go back to your old job.

I didn’t get past being screamed at by your manager. You deserve better. Find another job try and keep your promotion though. Moving every 4 years isn’t unusual.

You don't need to convince your husband. It's your career. It's not like you are stopping work to live off him. Can you phone your old employer and see if you can go back or if it's the same employer email and I would say the new job is not allowing you a good work life balance and can you have your old position.

I was in this situation a year ago, well the boss wasn't quite as bad as yours but my mental health was suffering. I quit a couple of weeks before finishing probation ended so only had to give a weeks notice thank god.

The only thing to be mindful of, is the same thing happened to a colleague and he was offered £2000 less than he was originally on when he came back.

I recently left a horrible working environment and I would completely recommend it. You spend way too long at work to put up with anxiety the whole time (and it stays with you after work as well). Just do what is best for you. It’s not your husband’s business particularly as it doesn’t sound like it will disrupt his life and even if it did you can’t carry on in an intolerable situation

I had this and left the job in January. I was so anxious all the time because of my boss and the pressure I wasn't performing well either, so although I had been looking for another role anyway, I left by mutual agreement. It was the best thing to happen to me. As others have said, life is too short to be unhappy. Just leave.

My daughter left a job like yours 9 months ago. She only did the awful job for 4 months, but I'm sure it has and still is affecting her mental health. Leave that job now. Look after yourself.

I am not sure resigning is the answer.

You said you love your actual role which is great
The boss sounds like an idiot. But there are idiots everywhere.
Do you feel like you could pinpoint the issues you dislike and try and find ways to cope with them?
You also haven't been there very long and I always think it takes at least a year or two to fully settle into a new job.

What do you do?
Is the main issue the manager?

Definitely leave, it sounds horrendous.
Your DH can go swivel with his opinions and sneering, you're the one who has to suffer!

I am going to speak to old manager tomorrow as she messaged me the other day asking how things were going.

Now I'm just petrified about handing in my notice. Oh god I'm scared of her reaction!

I don't want to say what line of work I do as it could potentially outing.

I won't be offered less I can be 100% sure of that. Thank you though

Snowman123 yes the main problem is that but it's not an industry where we have. Lots of branches in the office for example. There's only between 6-8 of us when we are all in. Some sort of come and go through out the day or away on business do office can just be 3 of us

I don't work away as not needed to by the way and am in the office for the entire time

So you do not feel like you could get to a stage of managing the manager?

If all else is ok, then sometimes facing up to problems is a better option than running from them.

Why did you leave your old job? Going back is rarely a good idea.

It said in my op. It was a step up from my role. I was very very happy in my last job. Was sad to go but wanted the promotion.

Honestly? No I don't think I could. I honestly feel like I'm either have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown if I stay

Definitely quit.

Life is too short to spend it like this. Think of how relieved you will feel.

Ok I think you've answered your own question. Try and get your old job back. Be honest with your old boss and make it clear your want to come back. Good luck!

I have been in your position. Stayed 12 months. Made me sick for life. It will not get better. HR are there to protect the employer and were useless. In my case I worked for two screamers. They would have you in their office for hours screaming at you. I came out one day and the PA said I was so scared for you. It just me, it was the entire team who would be screamed at. I couldn't even quit properly.

I couldn't walk past the building for 4years. Then got a job in the diagonally opposite building so had to, but avoided that side of the street like the plague.

When I tell that story to people who know me they're so surprised something like that happened to me. I'm definitely not a walk over and am quite a strong personality.

Don't stay. It's not worth the toll on your health or confidence. Take it from someone who has lived the same nightmare.