Posting in 'AIBU' for traffic
I am 30 weeks pregnant, me and my ‘partner’ both live with our parents over an hour away from each other. We were together for a year before I found out I was pregnant. The thing is I don’t feel very happy in our relationship, it’s impacting on me negatively and there is more bad than good. We both have mental health issues and lately he has really been dragging me down and it’s starting to affect me, he seems to use his problems as an excuse for everything, and it is always about him at the moment. It really stresses me out and I’ve not been happy in our relationship for a long time (6 months+) so this isn’t a heat of the moment decision I have made. I’ve also tried to split up with him in the past and he has quite often threatened suicide and I have always come back because I feel guilty, I know it’s a form of emotional abuse. There are other things too that I won’t go into that tells me he is not ‘the one’ and I genuinely feel I would be so much happier without him. I understand that I’m going to have to have contact with him for the sake of our baby, but I would rather split up before baby is here so we have time for it to sink in properly and it won’t add to the stress and hormones of when baby is here, as 100% of my attention will need to be on her, I’m not going to have time for a ‘relationship’ that only adds to my stress. I won’t have time to try to ‘look after’ him. It is always me texting him first, he never really checks up on me or does anything to make me ‘feel special’, and at the moment, his excuse for everything is because he’s struggling, which is totally ok but I am also struggling, the whole world doesn’t revolve around him and we should be supporting each other. I feel so alone in this pregnancy and I just know that I would be better off without him, as I’m really unhappy at the moment (and have been for a long time). He never asks about scans or appointments even though I tell him when they are and say to write them down, it is always down to me and he just doesn’t seem interested, he blames his ‘memory’ for this due to his medication, which may be true but it’s really not that hard to write down a date and remember it and ask about your own child? It just upsets me as his mental health is an excuse for everything, which really isn’t fair at all. He doesn’t want to come down and see baby once she’s born, he wants me to go to him because of his ‘anxiety’ even though there is a train station at the end of my road and he has never had an issue getting the train before, I have anxiety, I know what it’s like and I really do not believe it’s because of anxiety. He expects me to travel over an hour to his house, when she’s less than a month old because if I don’t then I’m not ‘accommodating the dad into the routine’. And I ‘owe him’ some alone time and since we haven’t seen each other since lockdown, I ‘should at least give him that’. I feel so alone and very pressured/trapped in our relationship and I just want out, I need to look after me and baby, and I don’t need the stress of a relationship, especially not an unhealthy one.
I don’t know what I want from this post, maybe some reassurance?
But thank you for reading as it was a long one.