Refusal

[MadameBee]

Interested in other people’s strategies for dealing with teenagers who outright refuse to do things ie set schoolwork because they would rather be on their phone or when asked to have a shower because they smel and it’s unpleasant for others (would not say this btw).

How do you navigate it?

And to avoid drip feed yes this is my step children who refuse when their dad asks.

I did not have this with my own kids and I had more options as they live here IYSWIM

Do no one else’s step kids do this?

WiFi off. And refuse to eat with them if they smell. Spray air freshener around..
Maybe tell their df shite parenting isn't an attractive quality..

To be honest, I think their dad should be on here asking this question.

If he's let them get to this stage where they're refusing to do what they're told and he hasn't taken their phones away until they complete schoolwork, I wouldn't hold out much hope of you changing things.

It has to come from him unless he's ok with it for an easy life.

Honestly, ask the school to speak to them & I never usually say that
If it's not a health issue they need to feel a tiny bit uncomfortable about it

Phone would be removed and some kind of removal of privileges until suitably hygienic.

I’d have a discussion with their parents and offer support. I would not embark on reforming a step teen all by myself.

He did take their phones eventually, and when DSD2 refused to do any more work I said well if you are going to sit there and do nothing you may as well have a shower and she said she didn’t need one, DH then insisted and I asked her later when she was alone if she had a deodorant and she hair she didn’t so I went and got her one.

DSD1 is just really upsetting me. I have been around for 10 years and done a lot for them and she constantly says she “didn’t want to come” when challenged to which the reply is “well we would miss you but no one is forcing you to” and outright refusal and then “I don’t care” about mobile phone (why is it glued to your hand then?!) and then the “you can’t make me”.

I find it shockingly rude and there is no way DH would have put up with anywhere near this from my children.

It’s spoiling my weekends EOW as DH and I then disagree.

More importantly I wouldn’t have taken it from my own kids - they seemed to actually respect me.

Why isn't their father sorting this out?

re the schoolwork, not your problem.

re the shower - if they don't stay clean they cannot stay in your home.

He is sorting it out but I am here too and have to listen to it all and get spoken to like shit too and it causes a tense and absolutely shit atmosphere.

If you only have them for weekends EOW, why are they doing schoolwork at yours?

mobile phones in your car accidentally go out for the day 🙃

My eldest son is only 11 he is going to be a fucking nightmare when he gets older he has been soap dodging for YEAR'S already

Because they came last night and today is a school day?

DSD2 is supposed to go in on Tuesdays but hasn’t been in once as get stomach aches and shouldn’t eat dairy (I have bought alternatives for her) continues to eat dairy and says she has a stomach ache and her mother lets her not go in.

If she were my child she would be going in stomach ache or not.

Also we do not turn off the WiFi as we use it as does my son.

@MadameBee

Also we do not turn off the WiFi as we use it as does my son.

You should be able to turn it off for individual devices though.

Or change the password and only give it out once they have earned it.

Set up a guest network, disable it if the kids are playing up, change the password on the primary network so only you and your son have access to it.

No need to turn the WiFi off entirely.

I will ask DH about switching it off for an individual device.

TBH I CBA to change all the time as we have so many devices using it

Aye, or just punt individual devices.

4 Alexa’s, personal computers and phones and work computers and phones, the printer, radio, Sky

Find out how much the fine would be for regular non attendance. Suggest to dsd it will be coming out of her allowance..
And both dps get fined not just the rp.
Exh refused to parent his dc. Was a bloody bonus when I realised I would no longer be dealing with them. Great dc but shit dps.

I will suggest this to DH, we have a Home Hub, is that the same as a guest network?

She doesn’t get an allowance (from us) we pay for their phones instead.

So connect the devices belonging to the offending parties to your guest network, turn that off when the culprits are acting up.

Change the pass on the primary network, or set it to only accept the MAC addresses of the devices the adults and your son use. Latter probably best, as you don't even need security/password if you exclude everything BUT permitted devices.

Thanks I will investigate this (my son is an adult).

Stop paying for their phones until they abide by your rules when in your home.