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Original poster

Neighbour banging on wall when toddler cries

87 replies

DizzyR · 09/07/2020 23:55

We have a 17 month old who has a fever and cough and has been crying on and off all evening. Just now he woke up very upset and wouldn’t stop crying in a distressed way. The neighbour banged on the wall when he was crying (around 11pm). We were in DS’ room trying to comfort him and give him calpol when the knocking happened.

It’s not the first time they’ve knocked (they did it the last time he was ill and crying most of the night).

I’ve never met this neighbour and wouldn’t be able to point them out on the street. They’ve never spoken to us or left us a note about the crying. They’ve just knocked. We live in a terrace house and the house next to us (where they live) is split into two flats and the knocking neighbour lives in the upstairs flat.

What would you do? I appreciate no one wants to hear a crying baby but there is not much I can do about the crying when DS is sick other than cuddles/calpol/water etc. I was thinking of going round to speak to them but probably not the best idea as we need to self isolate because of symptoms.

OP posts:
Tigger001 · 10/07/2020 07:32

I would knock on the door and explain the situation explain it heart wrenching for you that your baby is in pain and unconsolable and understand that it's not ideal, but it's life in a semi house, what advice do they have to help as banging on the wall is not helpful at all.

CatteStreet · 10/07/2020 07:54

I wouldn't be moving an ill child out of his bed to accommodate these people. Nope.

I'd want to bang right back ('fuck off' in Morse is genius). What I would do is ignore. If they were to approach me about it, I would simply say 'yes, he was ill/distressed and we didn't appreciate your banging, it's a nuisance, could you refrain from doing that in future, please?' Turn it straight back round on them where it belongs.

Gingerkittykat · 10/07/2020 08:00

*I think people do know....

But I still wouldn't bang on the wall.

What does it achieve?*

I had 2 toddlers live in the flat above me and they drove me fucking mental with the noise, the worst was them pounding on my ceiling at 5am like a little herd of elephants and the mum making very loud wooooooooo noises when she was playing with them.

I was going to move, but thankfully they did first and I don't hear a peep from the new neighbour.

They did sometimes cry and scream and I never knocked.

ivykaty44 · 10/07/2020 08:05

Drop a note

Dear neighbour

Unfortunately our baby is ill and thus the crying. Your welcome to knock on the wall when this happen but you can rest assured this will not achieve the desired result of the baby quietening down. The effect will actually be that I become tense due to your knocking and the baby will take longer to settle. I am not leaving my baby to cru and am in the same room looking after my child with loving care.

If you feel that you have a useful suggestion please do knock and introduce yourself and we can have a nice chat.

good day

Babesinthewud · 10/07/2020 08:46

What would I do??

I would knock back!!!!

What a selfish tw#t your neighbour is.

Hope your DC is feeling better soon

contrmary · 10/07/2020 09:00

So many judgmental posts on this thread. Try to have some empathy with the neighbour, just as they don't know why the child is making so much noise, you don't know whether they have health problems which makes the noise unbearable. Perhaps they have cancer, perhaps they are grieving, perhaps they really do need some sleep at 11 o'clock.

Babesinthewud · 10/07/2020 09:03

@contrmary

So many judgmental posts on this thread. Try to have some empathy with the neighbour, just as they don't know why the child is making so much noise, you don't know whether they have health problems which makes the noise unbearable. Perhaps they have cancer, perhaps they are grieving, perhaps they really do need some sleep at 11 o'clock.
That would be fine, but it’s only when DC is poorly, it’s not every night!

Where’s the neighbours empathy towards the child and the parent?

SerenityNowwwww · 10/07/2020 09:09

They have knocked on the wall twice? I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt (especially if they generally aren’t dicks).

We had one neighbour who would come up every time DS farted (when he had a hangover). I made a point to hoovering at 11am on a Sunday at that stage.

Anyway - if they aren’t generally banging on the wall or yelling abuse, I would thing the maybe were ill, were having a row, had a bad day...

Ignore them. Hope the little one is feeling better.

LakieLady · 10/07/2020 09:15

Send them a note telling them 'In case you wondered, the answer is no, banging on the wall isn't going to make my sick child stop crying. Fuck off you heartless waste of space'

Perfect! Grin

Swirlyceiling · 10/07/2020 09:27

I would confront them and explain your child is poorly, you do not choose to be up with them at 11pm whilst they cry, you want them to be sleeping happily too and are in there comforting them.

If you aren't comfortable with that then leave a note for them.

I can't imagine being such an asshole with lack of empathy.

SweetPetrichor · 10/07/2020 09:37

I'd stick a note through their door just apologising for the face the toddler is loud. Nobody wants to hear incessant crying, especially late in the evening. I'd probably not knock...I'd quietly seethe and wish the noise stopped...but I can see why they're frustrated.

Original poster
DizzyR · 10/07/2020 18:50

Thank you for the advice everyone and sorry for the delay in responding. Some of the responses made me chuckle (@RuggerHug the morse code idea is genius!).
It’s been a very long day and we all went and got COVID tests which was a faff and a half, and also been on the phone to the GP trying to get an appointment.

I decided to call their landlord to ask him to pass a message on as our baby still has a high temp and is really irritable so he’s in for another rough night. I was polite and said I appreciate it’s frustrating for them but he’s sick and is going to cry. I said we’ll do what we can he’s not always going to stop crying, and the knocking is just going to agitate him more which won’t get them the outcome they want. The landlord was very understanding and said they shouldn’t have banged on the wall in the first place and will speak to them so fingers crossed no more banging. The landlord said they were nice tenants so perhaps they’ve had a bad day/bad lockdown/other stuff going on.

I think if DS was better I probably would have left it but at least they know now tonight is going to be tricky...! I did worry last night if they were going to call the police on us Confused

OP posts:
ComDummings · 10/07/2020 18:51

Why contact their landlord instead of them directly though?

CottonSock · 10/07/2020 18:56

My friend did have the police visit over a crying baby. No action taken other than noting neighbour was Batshit .
I've had neighbours knock before and ended up giving toddler a banana in the middle of night to make her quiet.
I guess I had knocked before for their all night parties.
If only I had a detached house. I hate neighbour noise and imagine we are not quiet either with two kids.

ThePlantsitter · 10/07/2020 18:57

If they did it the time before when you were in there at night, are you sure it's not just the sounds of them moving around? It's just you're not usually in there then?

Original poster
DizzyR · 10/07/2020 19:08

@ComDummings I have the landlord’s number as they lived in the flat years ago. I’ve been on friendly terms with them in the past and thought it would be easier thank speaking to someone I have never met. I was polite about it and don’t think the landlord is the type to kick them out/hold this against them/be mean to them etc.

I’m also quite drained and didn’t feel up for the confrontation. Also, didn’t want them to get annoyed at me for spreading possible COVID germs by knocking on their door.

@ThePlantsitter it’s def knocking because it was quite insistent sounding if you know what I mean?

OP posts:
gypsywater · 10/07/2020 19:11

Did someone honestly say upthread to log this with the POLICE?! Shock WTAF.

PablosHoney · 10/07/2020 19:12

I think you did the right thing going through the official channels, and I hope your toddler is feeling better ASAP.

gypsywater · 10/07/2020 19:13

Why not just ignore it? Surely your toddler will be better soon?

Sally872 · 10/07/2020 19:21

Good idea to contact landlord hope it helps. Do not worry about them caring the police if it happens again, I would hope they call noise control or police to have a 3rd party tell them how ridiculous they are. Hope baby is better soon.

Sally872 · 10/07/2020 19:22

Calling not caring.

ThePlantsitter · 10/07/2020 20:02

DizzyR oh yes, I see. Just would be a lot easier if it was them moving around! I used to think our neighbours were passive aggressively knocking/scraping on our wall until dh pointed out it sounded exactly like someone fumbling around with a plug and socket so I thought I'd mention it in case.

853ax · 10/07/2020 20:04

You handled it very well. Hope your child has a better night tonight for your sake not the neighbor

june2007 · 10/07/2020 20:07

Oh I know the feeling I have been there it just adds an extra stress which one really does not need. However having spoken with neighbour I found out the person had health issues which meant they struggled and actually the rest of the family also struggled because of it. It made me a lot more sympathetic. But it can still be very difficult.

InFiveMins · 10/07/2020 20:21

Go and speak to them, don't post a note through the door. It will help clear the air between you.

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