Letter from neighbour

[christinarossetti19]

More of a wwyd - not sure whether to respond or not.

A letter was pushed through our letter box on Sunday from next door (terraced). It complained about the noise coming from our house and specifically our dd's bedroom. The noise identified was scraping of chairs and banging of doors, which the letter said was preventing next door from working or resting.

Next door has a number of adults living there, all 40s, in a 'rent a room' not a voluntary house share situation. At the moment, there seems to be a single woman who has lived there for a few years, a couple who are newer and a single man who knows the couple has just moved in. The letter came from the single woman (as she mentioned which room she has) but was signed as 'from all of your neighbours'. She has English as an additional language, which is probably may be why she wrote rather than knock on the door? We haven't seen her for months, so possibly shielding.

The problem (sort of) is that our house is very, very quiet. The complaints were all about the noise coming from dd's bedroom. She's 13, obvs not been at school, only ever plays music through headphones. She does open and close her door a few times a day, and moves her desk chair to her desk but you're allowed to do that in your own home! We have carpet upstairs btw, so no scraping. the loudest noise from her room is screeching with laughter when she's on Facetime with her friend, and we do ask her to tone it down.

The houses are solid 1920s so very little sound carry through. Dd rarely has her window open, as she hates flies etc.

We talked it through and decided to ask the children to be as quiet as they can, to be mindful of noise ourselves but decided against sending a letter back. We're not sure of the dynamics there, and didn't want to put through a letter that someone other than the occupant of the back room read.

The same letter - with a heading of letter 2 - was put through our door again this evening. The house has been super quiet today - dd has been downstairs most of the time.

So it looks like she is expecting a response. My instinct is to knock on the door and have a conversation, but I worry that that might be intrusive. So maybe a letter, but saying what? I don't feel inclined to agree that we've been noisy (as we honestly haven't) and I honestly can't promise that we'll try to be quieter - the only way to do that would be if we all stopped moving or went on holiday!

Suggestions as to what to do please, with a view to ensuring that neighbour feels heard, but not 'admitting' to making an unacceptable level of noise.

TIA.

[EnterNight]

@user1495884620

As your house is from the 30s, do you have shared chimney breasts? They can do funny things to sound, amplifying it and sending it in unexpected directions.

I have a clear memory from when I was about five years old, my bed in the recess next to the chimney breast, of waking up on Sunday morning and hearing my NDN in their kitchen as loudly as if they were stood by my bed.
The words "Bert! Have you farted?" Still make me chuckle to this day.

[DaveGrohlsMrs]

I think from what you have said she is being unreasonable if she is expecting complete silence from a family (or anybody who lives with other people in the house!) Maybe it is cultural reasons for writing a letter rather than speaking directly to the OP, but maybe she is sheltering/isolating or worrying about keeping proper social distancing measures - which if this is the case I don’t blame her for. Frankly I wouldn’t want anybody wandering round my house or coming to my door for a confrontation in these times. And I wouldn’t be going to anybody else’s house other than close family or friends either. Too much of a health risk just now. I’d ignore it, you seem to have taken more than reasonable steps to minimise any noise, if she still isn’t happy then she will either have to put up with what little noise there will be from a family home or come and see you about it.

[FelicisNox]

I agree with @VettiyaIruken.

This woman is being unreasonable. The noise is normal family noise, you've already taken her complaint into consideration and have taken steps to be quieter but that's where this ends and you will not be any more accommodating.

Stop being a wet blanket and stand up for yourself.

As Vetti said, the more you give into ridiculous requests the more complaints you will receive.

You own your house, she is renting and unlikely to be there long term, she has no right to dictate how you live in your own home.

[MrsVMorgan]

I think your plan of the letter and offer of them knocking when noise starts is good as you can prove it’s not you!

[NeutralJanet]

I'm in the "just ignore it" camp. What she's moaning about is normal levels of living noise that you have to expect in a terraced house, if she can't handle hearing everyday noise it isn't your problem.

[Mummato2864]

Id go knock and have a polite conversation! Explain that ure do makes barely any noise and u would appreciate them doing one

[christinarossetti19]

Well, I wrote a polite note but didn't put it through. The letter was clearly from just her, and I don't feel comfortable with someone else in the house opening a letter that I sent in response, as I don't know what the dynamics are.

Another man moved in at the weekend - he was in the garden with the couple yesterday being very quiet and considerate - so I honestly don't think it's our minimal noise that is troubling her.

Do feel for her though.