Letter from neighbour

[christinarossetti19]

More of a wwyd - not sure whether to respond or not.

A letter was pushed through our letter box on Sunday from next door (terraced). It complained about the noise coming from our house and specifically our dd's bedroom. The noise identified was scraping of chairs and banging of doors, which the letter said was preventing next door from working or resting.

Next door has a number of adults living there, all 40s, in a 'rent a room' not a voluntary house share situation. At the moment, there seems to be a single woman who has lived there for a few years, a couple who are newer and a single man who knows the couple has just moved in. The letter came from the single woman (as she mentioned which room she has) but was signed as 'from all of your neighbours'. She has English as an additional language, which is probably may be why she wrote rather than knock on the door? We haven't seen her for months, so possibly shielding.

The problem (sort of) is that our house is very, very quiet. The complaints were all about the noise coming from dd's bedroom. She's 13, obvs not been at school, only ever plays music through headphones. She does open and close her door a few times a day, and moves her desk chair to her desk but you're allowed to do that in your own home! We have carpet upstairs btw, so no scraping. the loudest noise from her room is screeching with laughter when she's on Facetime with her friend, and we do ask her to tone it down.

The houses are solid 1920s so very little sound carry through. Dd rarely has her window open, as she hates flies etc.

We talked it through and decided to ask the children to be as quiet as they can, to be mindful of noise ourselves but decided against sending a letter back. We're not sure of the dynamics there, and didn't want to put through a letter that someone other than the occupant of the back room read.

The same letter - with a heading of letter 2 - was put through our door again this evening. The house has been super quiet today - dd has been downstairs most of the time.

So it looks like she is expecting a response. My instinct is to knock on the door and have a conversation, but I worry that that might be intrusive. So maybe a letter, but saying what? I don't feel inclined to agree that we've been noisy (as we honestly haven't) and I honestly can't promise that we'll try to be quieter - the only way to do that would be if we all stopped moving or went on holiday!

Suggestions as to what to do please, with a view to ensuring that neighbour feels heard, but not 'admitting' to making an unacceptable level of noise.

TIA.

[ResumetonormalASAP]

Maybe rats in the internal walls. They make a really awful scratching noise....?

[christinarossetti19]

Thanks all. I did go round and knock just after I'd written this post - no one answered the door.

I'll try again tomorrow and, if no answer, will write a friendly casual note saying that I'm not sure what noise she means so would she like me to come round and listen from inside her house. And that we're all being as quiet as possible.

Dd's room has built in wardrobes without soft close doors. I wonder if the sound is carrying through if ndn has her bed next to this wall, although she can't have both her bed and desk there to be prevented from both working and resting! I've just put some blu tac on the frames, so they close as quietly as possible. Although dd only goes to her wardrobe once or twice a day, and often doesn't shut the door, so it may not be this.

I wondered mice - but do they bang and scrape? Maybe it can sound like that if you're depressed.

TennisButterfly we have carpet upstairs - definitely not laminate! My friend had a similar problem as you did with her upstairs neighbours, and I hate how laminate flooring makes sounds so loud.

Yes, I think probably mental health problems, lock down depression and possibly finding sharing a house with a couple and man that she doesn't know are the her main problems. I do feel sympathetic to that - it must be very difficult esp in your 40s .

Thanks once again.

[viques]

I do hope your next door is a proper registered HMO, with fire doors, smoke alarms etc....... In my area you can check online that they are registered with the council..

[christinarossetti19]

Hmm, maybe not suggesting that I go in thinking about it.

Not because I'm worried that she might assault me, but if she is fragile and paranoid, my being in her space might be too much.

[thekaratekid]

We had a similar letter from our neighbour when we first moved in. Complaining about doors and windows being slammed and thumping up and down stairs. It ended by saying we obviously didn't have any regard for our neighbour!

We were both angry at the accusatory nature of it...and worried how the neighbour might escalate the situation. Similar to you OP, we knew all the "noise" was just normal living noise and certainly not out of the ordinary for an attached house. To read the letter you would think we were having raves until 5am!

We decided to go round and knock and explain that we didn't know the sound travelled so far and in future they should just come and have a chat with us. We stopped short of apologising for it though. Neighbour has raised a few more unfounded complaints in person, but now we just shrug in a "that's life" kind of way.

It is difficult because you don't want to respond to their made up complaints...but also don't want to piss them off by ignoring them. I would try the brief concerned chat approach...but don't agree or apologise for anything.

[BrightYellowDaffodil]

I am ludicrously sensitive to neighbour noise but I can't see how you've been unreasonable at all OP. In fact I'd say you've been more than reasonable - it's entirely normal to hear people moving around in adjoining houses, maybe even background music/TV if the walls aren't that thick.

Is there any possibility you can talk to the landlord? Otherwise I don't think I'd go to the house again, if the letter-writer is not quite right you don't know how it will go - I'd write a letter back saying you are being as quiet as possible but you can't live silently so unfortunately you can't be any quieter.

You sound like the ideal neighbour; can you come and live next to me?

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I think a letter that says that you believe all noise to be reasonable (presuming it's not during unsocial hours) and that if they have a complaint then they really should request that the council deals with it. You can be sympathetic, but without conceding that you may be at fault.

Tbh, unless your DD is banging and clattering late at night, then even if she were scraping her chair and slamming her door it would still just be normal household noise.

[slipperywhensparticus]

Send a note round stating you have carpet not laminate there are no noises coming from that room it must be someone in her home

[jackdaw141]

I call bullshit. From your neighbour OP. Not you.

They are on their phones and devices so much they cannot possibly hear you.

[Camphillgirl]

My friend accused her neighbour of same thing. Eventually called environmental health. They set up listening devices and found no noise even though she was adamant she could hear it. They suggested she might have tinnitus as that could explain the noises she heard. Turned out they were right. Just saying.

[DisobedientHamster]

Fuck her. I'd completely ignore her. Do NOT go round, 'friendly letter or FA. She can report away, she has no case.

[DisobedientHamster]

Do not engage, invite her in, NOTHING. You'll only invite more trouble. Don't make this your problem, it isn't. Don't chivy your child to kowtow to this crap, either. Normal living noises are entirely allowed and reasonable. Stop making this your problem.

[Realsunkissedtan]

Not surprised no one answered. Writing a letter twice suggests they'd rather keep it that way. Could be personality or MH or other reasons or all of it.

[Winter2020]

Some mental health problems hear noises that really aren’t there. It sounds like your daughter behaves in a considerate way (or you intervene if she is noisy) so I would try not to give it headspace. Don’t make your daughter paranoid about moving around her own room. Ignore. If problems persist or escalate suggest the sender seeks help or speak to the landlord. If it becomes harassment then the police.

[saltycat]

Unless you and family are clomping around up and down stairs, banging doors and playing music all day and night, I would frankly ignore.

I am assuming from your OP that you are not the type who would cause noise trouble for neighbours so just leave it for now.

If it escalates, it could become troublesome, but then ask to hear what they can hear from their side and as others have said try to hear it from their side of the wall, but I doubt you would be allowed in anyway.

This can be bullying or someone may indeed be bothered by the slightest noise. Not happening in a terrace!

Suggest noise cancelling headphones for her.

[DisobedientHamster]

If it escalates I'd still not engage. I'd call the police or report her landlord.Been there, done that, I no longer give headspace to neighbours like this.

[Someone1987]

People like that are a nightmare. Ignore it I say

[zigaziga]

We had a noise complaint last week.

All noise is from 7am so social hours and is what the council would deem day-to-day noise so we’ve decided to make no changes and go back in a friendly manner but making clear that we don’t consider that we are doing anything wrong.

[Livelovebehappy]

If she’s been living there a few years though, what’s suddenly prompted her to mention noise issues? It’s difficult currently as people who generally might not usually be home during the day, are now at home if wfh or shielding, and children off school, so everyone is suddenly sensitive to any noise which might not have bothered them pre Covid. All issues are now magnified due to living in constant proximity to our neighbours.

[Scotmummy1216]

Just ignore it. Your daughters alowed to make noise in her own house at reasonable hours of the day. Aslong as it not late at night or early morning then they should get over themselves.

[DisobedientHamster]

People like this don't understand 'friendly'. They want complete silence. It's not possible. Don't engage at all. Reasonable living noise is just that.

I can hear my neighbour next door getting ready for work. He leaves at 3.30am (he works in a bakery). He's not doing anything more than taking a shower for work, moving in the kitchen getting something to eat. Totally permissible. The walls are too thin. But the man needs to go and make a living.

[Pinkyyy]

Don't knock again, just ignore. Maybe before long you'll have your very own scene from Harry potter playing out with letters streaming from the fireplace

[christinarossetti19]

Livelovebehappy her letter did mention that the noise from our house has got worse over the last three (first letter) or four (second letter) months.

Not a lot anyone can say to that really...

Being at home all the time has been hard and living in one room must be really, really tough.

[saltycat]

Just shows how badly some terraces and semi Ds were built back in the past few years, and today too. (I include flats/apartments too).

The very first thing in the building regs should be soundproofing. Then go on to check everything else.

[christinarossetti19]

Pinkyy we didn't respond the first time as thought she just needed to get something out of her system. The day that the first letter came through, me and ds had been out on a bike ride for 8 hours and dd had been drawing in her bedroom all day. There had hardly been a peep dh said.

I don't know what triggered the letter this evening. Ds had a friend around and they were playing quietly both upstairs and down, but no chair scraping or door banging.