Letter from neighbour

[christinarossetti19]

More of a wwyd - not sure whether to respond or not.

A letter was pushed through our letter box on Sunday from next door (terraced). It complained about the noise coming from our house and specifically our dd's bedroom. The noise identified was scraping of chairs and banging of doors, which the letter said was preventing next door from working or resting.

Next door has a number of adults living there, all 40s, in a 'rent a room' not a voluntary house share situation. At the moment, there seems to be a single woman who has lived there for a few years, a couple who are newer and a single man who knows the couple has just moved in. The letter came from the single woman (as she mentioned which room she has) but was signed as 'from all of your neighbours'. She has English as an additional language, which is probably may be why she wrote rather than knock on the door? We haven't seen her for months, so possibly shielding.

The problem (sort of) is that our house is very, very quiet. The complaints were all about the noise coming from dd's bedroom. She's 13, obvs not been at school, only ever plays music through headphones. She does open and close her door a few times a day, and moves her desk chair to her desk but you're allowed to do that in your own home! We have carpet upstairs btw, so no scraping. the loudest noise from her room is screeching with laughter when she's on Facetime with her friend, and we do ask her to tone it down.

The houses are solid 1920s so very little sound carry through. Dd rarely has her window open, as she hates flies etc.

We talked it through and decided to ask the children to be as quiet as they can, to be mindful of noise ourselves but decided against sending a letter back. We're not sure of the dynamics there, and didn't want to put through a letter that someone other than the occupant of the back room read.

The same letter - with a heading of letter 2 - was put through our door again this evening. The house has been super quiet today - dd has been downstairs most of the time.

So it looks like she is expecting a response. My instinct is to knock on the door and have a conversation, but I worry that that might be intrusive. So maybe a letter, but saying what? I don't feel inclined to agree that we've been noisy (as we honestly haven't) and I honestly can't promise that we'll try to be quieter - the only way to do that would be if we all stopped moving or went on holiday!

Suggestions as to what to do please, with a view to ensuring that neighbour feels heard, but not 'admitting' to making an unacceptable level of noise.

TIA.

[christinarossetti19]

Well, I wrote a polite note but didn't put it through. The letter was clearly from just her, and I don't feel comfortable with someone else in the house opening a letter that I sent in response, as I don't know what the dynamics are.

Another man moved in at the weekend - he was in the garden with the couple yesterday being very quiet and considerate - so I honestly don't think it's our minimal noise that is troubling her.

Do feel for her though.

[Mummato2864]

Id go knock and have a polite conversation! Explain that ure do makes barely any noise and u would appreciate them doing one

[NeutralJanet]

I'm in the "just ignore it" camp. What she's moaning about is normal levels of living noise that you have to expect in a terraced house, if she can't handle hearing everyday noise it isn't your problem.

[MrsVMorgan]

I think your plan of the letter and offer of them knocking when noise starts is good as you can prove it’s not you!

[FelicisNox]

I agree with @VettiyaIruken.

This woman is being unreasonable. The noise is normal family noise, you've already taken her complaint into consideration and have taken steps to be quieter but that's where this ends and you will not be any more accommodating.

Stop being a wet blanket and stand up for yourself.

As Vetti said, the more you give into ridiculous requests the more complaints you will receive.

You own your house, she is renting and unlikely to be there long term, she has no right to dictate how you live in your own home.

[DaveGrohlsMrs]

I think from what you have said she is being unreasonable if she is expecting complete silence from a family (or anybody who lives with other people in the house!) Maybe it is cultural reasons for writing a letter rather than speaking directly to the OP, but maybe she is sheltering/isolating or worrying about keeping proper social distancing measures - which if this is the case I don’t blame her for. Frankly I wouldn’t want anybody wandering round my house or coming to my door for a confrontation in these times. And I wouldn’t be going to anybody else’s house other than close family or friends either. Too much of a health risk just now. I’d ignore it, you seem to have taken more than reasonable steps to minimise any noise, if she still isn’t happy then she will either have to put up with what little noise there will be from a family home or come and see you about it.

[EnterNight]

@user1495884620

As your house is from the 30s, do you have shared chimney breasts? They can do funny things to sound, amplifying it and sending it in unexpected directions.

I have a clear memory from when I was about five years old, my bed in the recess next to the chimney breast, of waking up on Sunday morning and hearing my NDN in their kitchen as loudly as if they were stood by my bed.
The words "Bert! Have you farted?" Still make me chuckle to this day.

[user1495884620]

As your house is from the 30s, do you have shared chimney breasts? They can do funny things to sound, amplifying it and sending it in unexpected directions.

[sst1234]

OP ignore it. Do not engage. By acknowledging you are giving an impression that you can somehow fix the problem when there isn’t one. It will only escalate.

[SusanneLinder]

I lived in a Council flat years back with batshit neighbours. They complained about our loud music and various other nonsense (we never played loud music), and then came up and complained about DH walking across the floor at 11pm ( just home from work). Complained about our baby thumping across the floor in middle of day ( learning to walk) and got the Police and Council involved. The Council told us that we were only making family noise and Police said they couldn't hear anything from us , after more complaints about music, which was nonsense as we had kids sleeping. We ended up tiptoing round our house telling the kids to be quiet, it was awful.
Then we went on holiday for 2 weeks. Came back with our suitcases and were not even out the car when they came running out to us. We immediately said, Ph for god sake, we haven't even BEEN here, to which they apologised profusely. . Wasn't us at all apparently. It was their next door neighbours that were causing mayhem through their wall ( we couldn't hear as on other side), so a large amount of humble pie was eaten by them.
We moved shortly after that, and we have lovely neighbours and never had an issue at all.

[JaJaDingDong]

Sound travels between houses in weird ways.
We live in a detached house. The houses are separated by their garages (attached to the house) and an alleyway to the relevant back garden.
Neighbours DS put a boxing bag in their garage and would use it in the evenings when our DCs had just gone to bed. Their room was on the same side as the boxing garage, and upstairs, but they couldn't sleep from the noise.
The neighbours couldn't hear anything in their house (attached to the garage) and wouldn't believe us until we took them into DCs' room while the son was boxing.

[dippydeedoo]

You live in your house, they live in theirs.
Noise of all levels is to be expected, if you don’t want noise you have to live alone in a detached property in the forest.

None of the noises she details are anti social or deliberately irritating.
They are family noises perhaps much less than normal family noise as you have been aware and asked dd to be quieter etc.

I live in a terrace I can hear things on both sides and I know they can hear me, I’m mindful of my noise and accepting of theirs.

[Sistedtwister]

I live in an 1870's terrace. Mix of back to backs and through. New neighbours have a dog which howls from time to time.
Got a message from different neighbours last night complaining about my dog and ranting about how unreasonable i was. I sent a video of her fast asleep with all 4 legs in the air (greyhound) snoring away, the howling dog next door could be clearly heard in the background.

I got the reply ....... oh, Sorry!

It's sometimes really difficult to tell where the noise is coming from in old terraces

[christinarossetti19]

gothicmummy that's it though, there is very little sound carry through. We used to hear the previous people moving furniture around from time to time or drilling, but general talking, doors closing, toilets flushing, music, TV etc not a peep.

It seems vanishingly unlikely that sound would only carry through one way.

[winterchills]

U need to speak to her! I like the idea that someone else said about the face timing your daughter from the woman's room to prove the noise level!

[amispeakingenglish]

o, and shove her letters back in her door

[amispeakingenglish]

Just ignore her. Or actually make noise, why should you creep around your own house for god's sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cherish123]

Not sure who she could actually "report " you to. Either ignore it or write a letter back. A written letter is proof of conversation. Explain that there are no noises and your daughter is quiet so you are not quite sure there is anything you can do. Keep of log of noise - face time, furniture moving. Try not to worry. I suspect the "from your neighbours" is actually just from.her.

[Lovely13]

They sound odd. I would ignore. Noise is awful when you live next door to it. My children must have driven neighbours mad. We are now quiet as they’re grown. Have baby shark and old Macdonald on repeat from next door. But unless you choose to live in middle of nowhere. Or a cemetery. It’s going to happen.

[cherish123]

You don't sound noisy at all. I expect your neighbour has been spending more time at home and is being annoyed by the slightest noise. I would just ignore it.

[ScrapThatThen]

Don’t let it affect you and your kids. Ignore unless she comes to the door in which case smile nicely and say I have monitored our noise and I believe it to be less than normal family noise. If you disagree I suggest you take it up with the council. It is of course possible that it is coming from another occupant of your own building.

[Celestine70]

I would ignore unless I bumped into them outside. Then I would just say what you have that you don't make excess noise.

[DanceItOut]

Sometimes neighbours are co cinched it’s you making noise when it’s actually coming from somewhere else. We had one neighbour who was very rude to me because apparently my husband always slammed the main front door at 8am every single morning (we live in an apartment block) he ranted and ranted until eventually he stopped long enough for me to say “but my husband isn’t home at 8am he leaves at 6.30am so it must be someone else” he didn’t believe me.

Another neighbour who lived below us always complained my kids made too much noise above him and I told him that wasn’t true because they are only allowed to play in their room which has nice thick carpet and I always stop them from running and jumping etc and whilst I’m sure there was some noise we live in a block of flats and there is nothing more I can do but try to keep them as calm as possible indoors and have nice thick carpets. He came round one weekend banging at my door shouting tell your effing kids to stop jumping and making so much noise that they’d been at it all day yesterday and all morning today. I opened the door with a very smug look on my face and invited him to please come and observe my children if you like but you won’t find them in here because they’ve been with my parents all weekend so once again clearly the noise was coming from someone in another flat.

[Oscarsdaddy]

Write a letter and put it through your neighbours door telling them to politely fuck off

[Mmpip]

@VettiyaIruken

Tbh I'd nip this shit in the bud and say this is normal family noise and you will not be tiptoeing round your home.
You can't give unreasonable people an inch because they will never ever stop.

I absolutely agree with above. Don't be intimidated by them as this will only encourage them. Live as you wish without anxieties and ignore them.