Letter from neighbour

[christinarossetti19]

More of a wwyd - not sure whether to respond or not.

A letter was pushed through our letter box on Sunday from next door (terraced). It complained about the noise coming from our house and specifically our dd's bedroom. The noise identified was scraping of chairs and banging of doors, which the letter said was preventing next door from working or resting.

Next door has a number of adults living there, all 40s, in a 'rent a room' not a voluntary house share situation. At the moment, there seems to be a single woman who has lived there for a few years, a couple who are newer and a single man who knows the couple has just moved in. The letter came from the single woman (as she mentioned which room she has) but was signed as 'from all of your neighbours'. She has English as an additional language, which is probably may be why she wrote rather than knock on the door? We haven't seen her for months, so possibly shielding.

The problem (sort of) is that our house is very, very quiet. The complaints were all about the noise coming from dd's bedroom. She's 13, obvs not been at school, only ever plays music through headphones. She does open and close her door a few times a day, and moves her desk chair to her desk but you're allowed to do that in your own home! We have carpet upstairs btw, so no scraping. the loudest noise from her room is screeching with laughter when she's on Facetime with her friend, and we do ask her to tone it down.

The houses are solid 1920s so very little sound carry through. Dd rarely has her window open, as she hates flies etc.

We talked it through and decided to ask the children to be as quiet as they can, to be mindful of noise ourselves but decided against sending a letter back. We're not sure of the dynamics there, and didn't want to put through a letter that someone other than the occupant of the back room read.

The same letter - with a heading of letter 2 - was put through our door again this evening. The house has been super quiet today - dd has been downstairs most of the time.

So it looks like she is expecting a response. My instinct is to knock on the door and have a conversation, but I worry that that might be intrusive. So maybe a letter, but saying what? I don't feel inclined to agree that we've been noisy (as we honestly haven't) and I honestly can't promise that we'll try to be quieter - the only way to do that would be if we all stopped moving or went on holiday!

Suggestions as to what to do please, with a view to ensuring that neighbour feels heard, but not 'admitting' to making an unacceptable level of noise.

TIA.

[SaffronBuns]

Oh no this is awkward for both of you!

But honesty is the best policy in this situation. Can you do a video call with your neighbour and take her for a virtual tour of your home so she can see it’s possibly not your daughter?

We’re all highly anxious and this is such a weird time. So a little bit more understanding would go a very long way (I know it’s annoying though!)

If your neighbour is shielding she’s probably even more worried & possibly isolated. And if her housemates are Working From Home they might be on client calls during the day. (And desperately trying to win / save business)

Our noisy neighbours have interrupted a few client calls (loud music and shouting so not similar at all!!)

I think in all seriousness you may have a rodent problem / something else going on so it’s best to work together

[BarbaraofSeville]

The noise may actually be coming from one of the other rooms in the HMO

I wondered this, it seems very odd. The OP says her own house is quiet and doesn't hear the neighbours, yet this neighbour claims the OPs DD is making a racket .

The note you've suggested OP sounds like a proportionate response. I'd also keep copies of all communications in case this blows up in any way.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Is there any way you could swap rooms with your DD for a while to see if this makes a difference (or put someone else in her room, or leave it empty and move her into another room?) Then ask if they can still hear the noise - if they say 'yes' you then point out that the room is empty/you/someone else is now in there and therefore the noises should have stopped or be different. It might get to the bottom of whether the noises are actually coming from your DD or are something else...?

[CaffiSaliMali]

Mice was my first thought too. My first flat was above a shop on a busy London high street so it was riddled with mice.

The noise they made was surprisingly loud, it sounded like people dragging stuff over the floorboards, or scraping against the walls. They used to wake us up at night and if several were scurrying around on the floorboards it sounded like someone else was in the flat - scared the living daylights out of us the first time!

[Zaphodsotherhead]

Also consider that it may not be mice, it could be rats. They can be surprisingly heavy, and they move stuff about, dragging food into nests (I used to keep them as pets and had to move cages onto the landing at night because of the noise!).

Any chance that next door could have rats? Is the garden overgrown? They may be in the loft above her bedroom, if the walls are thick you wouldn't necessarily hear them, but the sound can be hard to pinpoint.

See also: squirrels.

[christinarossetti19]

Thanks once again.

Just rang the bell and knocked next door and no answer although windows are open. I will write a polite, friendly letter today.

It probably is one of the other rooms in the HMO. Just remembered that the couple have a guinea pig which they keep mainly indoor and I imagine that its food is very attractive to mice.

[BarbaraofSeville]

Agree that pets and vermin can be surprisingly noisy and sound can travel in odd ways.

I foster rescue kittens and when very young they are usually kept in our spare bedroom.

If you are in the room with them they appear to be fairly quiet even when running around, but when we are downstairs, it sounds like there is a heard of elephants charging around up there.

[ClaudiaWankleman]

The occupant of that flat used to ‘constantly’ slam her plugs in and out of the electrical sockets. It became almost intolerable although it sounds pretty innocuous.

How on earth do you slam a plug into a socket? You have to line up three prongs and the distance to travel into the wall is about an inch. A slight exaggeration I am sure.

OP, I think the note should be brief, explaining that you are just living normally at home and there are no noise issues. I agree with PP who said you can’t give an inch to an unreasonable person. I wouldn’t bother with in person - the complainant is clearly happy to be anonymous so why should you bother?

[Throckmorton]

Absolutely don't give an inch on this. Also, rodents sound like elephants having a party, and they may well be in the walls. It's probably that she can hear

[SaffronBuns]

Pets and animals are noisy.

Our cat thunders down the stairs. To the point where my previous neighbour mentioned it (nicely). Luckily she was standing at my front door and witnessed the cat run down the stairs - she couldn’t believe it 😂 tiny cat with dense paws!

[Londonsuffolkmummy]

She’s got tmt syndrome (too much time)
Ignore her

[redcarbluecar]

I’d be tempted to post the second letter back through the door with a note saying that noise is already being kept to a minimum and please don’t send any more letters. Return any further letters unopened and without comment. They can always come round and speak to you if they don’t like that approach.

[SophieB100]

I'd take the bull by the horns here OP.

Write a letter saying that you note her concerns and suggest she contacts E.Health regarding them. Say that you are more than happy for EH to visit your house and record noise, and suggest she does the same.

Keep a copy of the letter.

This will show that you are taking her concerns seriously and seeking a solution. Moreover, it will stop silly notes about non existent problems, if she's playing games.

Win win

Good luck - nip this in the bud by taking control, and don't apologise for anything - there's nothing to apologise for.

[caringcarer]

I think I would contact the LL and explain situation. You have carpet so moving her chair would not make any noise.

[pickingdaisies]

About the plugs in sockets, it can make a crazy amount of noise through the wall, if it's not sound insulated properly. Like in my house. I can hear my DH switching off lights and removing plugs downstairs when I'm in bed. And our sockets are cheap ones, you have to really shove to get the plugs properly in or out.

[nitsandwormsdodger]

If mumnetters could give an award a day for the most reasonable person you would win hands down !

Be kind but firm with this lady
Don't let her mental health issues make you anxious in your own home

[romeolovedjulliet]

@Vodkacranberryplease

Hm. MH issues I'm guessing. Write a kind letter back saying we have done our very best and have soundproofed as much as we can and DD has carpet so the chair isnt scraping and I'm sorry about this but it really is not noisy, and hope you can get a different room.

Also it may be coming from upstairs etc and sound like it's next door (I could hear 'sexy' noises ftom my neighbours sometimes (don't care) and for ages thought it was next door. Till I realised their house doesnt actuslly join mine at that part and it must be upstairs! 😁

People are insane at the moment. Truly, properly mad.

mh issues, was waitting for that one, or dementia or age or...anyother number of mn go to reasons.

[FenellaVelour]

I would suspect rodents or birds too. We have birds nesting in our rafters and they can be very noisy.

Our cat thunders down the stairs

Mine does this too, it’s incredible how much noise she makes, I cringe every time.

[christinarossetti19]

romeolovedjuliet posters who mentioned the possibility of mental health problems (me included) meant it kindly.

I have had severe mental health problems. I know when I was at my most unwell my perception of people and the world around me was very disturbed. I have also known many people with depresson/anxiety or paranoid thoughts become completely overwhelmed and fixated on noise from adjoining rooms/flats etc.

My thoughts were along the lines that there may be some minor noise from our house that has become extremely major to her and is there anything I can do to decrease any annoyance?

Plus, if you read the thread, how hard it must be living in a room in a house with a couple and a single man who you haven't actually chosen to live with.

[DistinguishedCarrot]

@SaffronBuns

Pets and animals are noisy.

Our cat thunders down the stairs. To the point where my previous neighbour mentioned it (nicely). Luckily she was standing at my front door and witnessed the cat run down the stairs - she couldn’t believe it 😂 tiny cat with dense paws!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has an elephant cat! She's honestly only 3.5kg but my god the noise she makes! We can hear her jumping off a bed upstairs. She is generally useless at jumping and climbing though. She's generally a bit useless as a cat!

[Whatisthisfuckery]

Either write back asking her to invite you in to identify the noise that is bothering her so you can confirm that it is indeed your DD making it or just ignore her. Normal domestic noise is nowhere near actionable by the council so it’ll get chucked out anyway even if you do get a call or a visit about it.

[bluetongue]

I’d ignore and go grey rock. I speak from bitter, neighbour dispute experience

[squeekums]

I would have binned the letters and ignored them. If there truly a problem, record it, come to my door and let me listen aka, she has to prove her case

[CaffiSaliMali]

My little 3.2kg cat is also surprisingly noisy when she jumps off the bed or sofa. We have decent carpets, but even so we're glad we're in a ground floor flat!

OP I think your approach of a polite letter is the best way forward.

[Longdistance]

Just write back and say you’ve copied her letter in triplicate and filed it with the shredder.
Honestly, it’s probably not you but other residents in that house.