To complain to school?

[Redcups64]

A little background, my child is in primary school and has always done incredibly well, coming home with gleaming school reports and mock grades every year. She is very polite and well mannered, very mature for her age but shy and doesn’t speak out or stand up for herself.

At the beginning of the school year in October my daughter mentioned to me that a child she sits next too is very distracting and talks a lot. I said to my daughter at the time that she will meet people like that in the world when she is an adult and you have to deal with it and get on with your work.

Now this is the thing, her report cam through and she has dropped a grade on every single subject, bearing in mind she has always got a high grade every year. When I gently asked her about it she mentioned straight away the child she sits next too being very distracting, this is 9 months down the line since she told me and mentioned it straight away when I asked her.

I feel so awful like I’ve let her down, she doesn’t speak up for herself and I know this about my child and when she came to me I brushed her off 😭

Instead of the other child being helped by my child sitting next to here instead she has gotten distracted and fallen down a grade!

Should I request next year she doesn’t sit next to this child or not?

I’m feeling all the mum guilt at the moment as I didn’t do anything, please give me your advice on if I should mention this to the school

Which country are you in?

Maybe don’t say anything unless your DD says that she is sat next to them again next year? Don’t pre-empt a problem?

What makes you so certain that it’s only this child that has made your dds grade drop?

Children are assessed in lots of ways, the teacher will know your dd’s capability regardless of who she sits next to, and it’s pretty normal for grades to fluctuate sometimes. You dd can’t use someone else as an excuse, she will have plenty of opportunities to show what she’s capable of and if she’s getting distracted, then that’s her responsibility too. What are her effort grades like?

Maybe do some role play with her so she has phrases ready to use when she wants to get on with her work and someone else is talking to her

It’s very unlikely that they will be seated together again next year, I’d just wait and see what happens.

Perhaps your child was better in the earlier stage of primary and has plateaued now she is older and the work level and difficulty has increased. This is fairly normal especially if there are engaged parents initially and less assistance from home as they get older.

Or maybe she is distracted. Wait to see what the new term brings and have a word with the teacher if you truly think there is an issue.

You've jumped straight to a simplistic explanation of what's happened. Ask the teacher why they think your DD's grades have dropped and how you can support her. I'd be very surprised if the teacher says it was because your DD is easily distracted by the DC beside them.

Kids at about 8 often have a change in their scoring/ranking as the abilities to sit, listen along with motor skills even out.

Thank you for your responses. It does actually say in the report that my daughter is distracted easily but has never been mentioned in any of the other reports she has gotten over the years, next year will be her last year at the school so I’ll just see how it goes but only feel like I should say sownthing because I didn’t before

I don’t think it’s all down to the child she sits next too, but I think it’s definitely had a negative affect.

Talk to the teacher to find out more about her being easily distracted. Even at primary it's unusual for children to be seated next to the same child for every topic.

I’d ask for her to be moved and tell them the reason why. If they think something else is to blame I’m sure they will tell you.

How old is she?
Have no earlier parent evenings or chats with the teacher pointed to any issues at all?

Are you in the UK? Has the grade dropped from ‘greater depth’ to ‘working at’ end of year expectations?
If that is the case , I wouldn’t worry.
My son is going to be in Year 6 next year and has dropped down to ‘working at’. This is because he has not been at school since March, so the teacher doesn’t have enough evidence to assess him at a higher level. He hasn’t sat any tests or done any writing recently that his teacher could assess.
I know he’s been doing well at home, so I’m confident he’ll catch up.

Yes we are in the U.K.

I’ve emailed the school but already feel embarrassed of myself, but feel like I’ve atleast listened to my daughter now instead of ignoring her so whilst I feel a fool now and will hide in shame at the school gate I’m not feeling like a bad parent anymore so I’ll just have to take what I can get!

Given lockdown, I don’t think this distracting child could have had that much of an effect?

Even if she’s been in school with them, they’d have been 2m away.

It won’t be because of a disruptive child. Talk to the teacher.

Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed, parenting doesn't come with a manual, and it can be a very difficult balancing act, knowing when intervention may be necessary, and when you should just leave your child to learn one of life's difficult lessons.

I don't know that I'd complain, I'd perhaps email the school asking if my daughter could be sat next to a different student next year, as she found this year's student buddy a bit distracting, she clearly is easily distracted as has been recognised and noted by the school.

Has your DD been in school this term?

@noblegiraffe

Given lockdown, I don’t think this distracting child could have had that much of an effect?

Even if she’s been in school with them, they’d have been 2m away.

That's what I was thinking. Why would you be hiding in shame at the school gate?

Its one variable I suppose. Dont come across bolshy but its worth asking the question and see if they can sit next to somebody else next year. If performance still drops then at least you have removed one possibility and it might just be little one isnt putting in the effort.

"It won’t be because of a disruptive child. Talk to the teacher."

How can you say that? Nobody knows for sure.

If your child has been in school and this child has also been in school then you could perhaps consider that. Another angle is that, like a lot of children, she may have been or is affected by the stress of a huge global crisis, routines being up in the air and classroom teaching and home teaching not having been the expected trajectory.

What do you mean about Grades dropping in every subject? This doesn’t make any sense for primary

None of my primary school aged children have ever been given grades.

Is it a private school?

To be honest when my DS and the boy he sat next to in Y1 were distracting each other, the teacher moved the pair of them. It’s not the teacher’s fault, but if they’d noticed it they should have done something about it.

No school has the same children sitting next to each other for the whole day for the whole academic year surely?

Is this an international school? We rarely talk about grades in UK primary schools.

Sorry and to answer your question I wouldn't 'complain', I'd ask to speak to the teacher and talk it through. Have they all dropped a grade due to home learning / lock down?