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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do we get our cat back?

46 replies

Idontbelieveit12 · 08/07/2020 12:41

I rescued a cat a few years ago from somewhere he was being mistreated. He is very much loved. However since our youngest child came along he started to stay out longer. I thought he was out hunting and being a bit wild but in the last few months when he came home he smelt scented like candles so I know he’s been going in somewhere. He’s now only coming home once a week. I’ve seen him hanging around a neighbours a lot. We saw them open their window for him a few weeks ago so my hubby went and knocked on the door and they denied all knowledge. Another neighbour has just told me that they are seeing him there every day. What can I do? If I try and keep him in when he comes home he gets cross.

OP posts:
Knowhowufeel2 · 08/07/2020 12:47

There's nothing you can do really. If you love your cat, you'll want him to be happy and he's obviously happy going there, and isn't happy at yours anymore, so I think you just need to accept that you've lost him.
Cats choose where they want to be, so please listen to him/her.

It happened to us when we had building work done.
The lady was eventually honest that they wanted him and it was best for our cat as the noise was stressing him out, so he really wasn't happy with us.

It sounds like maybe your dc is doing the same to your cat.

Lolwhat · 08/07/2020 12:49

Put a paper collar on him and ask not to feed

HappyPunky · 08/07/2020 12:49

Cats do what they want so it seems like you've lost him.

However, I would mention to your neighbours which vet he is registered at so they can take that over. It might put them off. If it does you need to ensure he has space away from your baby.

Indecisivelurcher · 08/07/2020 12:52

When I was a child our cat went to live with an older lady who fed him chicken! Can't say I blamed him!!!

Our cat now started to follow a similar pattern. I got a pale coloured collar and wrote a message on the actual collar saying 'Are you feeding me? I live at house no. X. Ring 0771xxxxxxx' MN Edited. A few days later cat came home, collar gone, and he's been home a lot more ever since.

Indecisivelurcher · 08/07/2020 12:52

Ah crap I just put my phone number didn't I... Will ask hq to remove

Original poster
Idontbelieveit12 · 08/07/2020 12:53

Sorry I knew it’d sound like we had a baby, he’s actually 3 and a half now. I have put a normal collar on in recent weeks in the hope that they would realise he does have a home, in case they thought he was a stray.

I am torn really, I get that he might enjoy it there but why is he still coming home at all? I gave him tuna one day and that week he came home every day!

OP posts:
blondehalo · 08/07/2020 12:53

Erm no, it's not for someone else to tell you if you can have your cat or not.

If you see them opening the window again knock on the door and ask them to stop.

Put a collar on him with your number and his name on it so people are aware he is owned.

Put a paper collar on saying don't feed me I'm on a special veterinary diet so people don't try to keep him in and feed him.

Lock him in at night time if you don't already.

It's said that cats can have up to five homes, they don't really understand but there are basic steps you can take to have him around more.

Original poster
Idontbelieveit12 · 08/07/2020 13:09

Thank you. I’m so upset about it, as are our children.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/07/2020 13:15

I'm not sure what you can do. This happened with my DM when I was a toddler. The next door neighbour kept on feeding the cat and bringing her indoors and the cat eventually fully moved in next door. My DM tried everything, the cat was miserable if kept inside and went straight next door when let out.

Ishihtzuknot · 08/07/2020 13:26

Don’t listen to the ‘you’ve lost him’ comments, pets are considered as property by law and he belongs to you not the neighbour. It’s likely he is being fed chicken/fish and cats always go back for more if it becomes regular, not necessarily because he’s unhappy with you.
I would echo the paper collar with your number and state ‘do not feed for health reasons’ or similar, this might put them off alongside a note about vet bills. Make sure he’s microchipped and it’s up to date incase they try to claim ownership.
Can you have your toddler feed him some treats so he associates children with feeding time? If we feed our cat some tuna she is glued to us for the entire day.

Regularsizedrudy · 08/07/2020 13:26

Cats go where is best for them. Make your home a nicer place to be and it will stick around more.

Fluffycloudland77 · 08/07/2020 13:32

Cat proof the garden so he can’t roam. You can do it cheaply diy or buy ready made but it stops them roaming, being poisoned, fighting, run over & reduces the tuna bill.

AvoidingRealHumans · 08/07/2020 13:32

My cat started becoming quite nippy and scratchy when I had my 2nd baby and then he would go away for prolonged periods, getting longer until he didn't come back.
A couple of months later he came back for the day and then disappeared again.
I do regularly see him in the village but he blanks us.
I was upset but told myself he must be happy where he has gone to or he would be back. I think the new baby unsettled him.

Although the new "owner" put something on the village fb about him going out and I thought she was a cheeky mare considering how she acquired him.

SheSellSeaShells · 08/07/2020 13:51

fresh prawns or tuna to tempt him back, nice tucked away bed where can't be prodded by toddler and knock on their door every morning and evening you can't find him hopefully they'll stop letting him in if you're constantly knocking for him back. I'd be very upset if someone started feeding my lovely cats and they let them in the house. Make sure his chip details are up to date as well

CazzaCat · 08/07/2020 14:05

Can’t believe some people would give up their cat so easily! Especially due to building work. My cats are family and I would not accept anyone else just thinking they could tempt them away.

Does your cat have its own quiet space in the house, lots of attention and stimulation?
E.g treats, catnip, scratch posts?

FenellaVelour · 08/07/2020 14:09

A neighbour once tried to steal my old cat until they realised he was on daily medication which would cost them a fortune... you could always spin a similar yarn...?

FunTimes2020 · 08/07/2020 14:09

@Knowhowufeel2

There's nothing you can do really. If you love your cat, you'll want him to be happy and he's obviously happy going there, and isn't happy at yours anymore, so I think you just need to accept that you've lost him. Cats choose where they want to be, so please listen to him/her.

It happened to us when we had building work done.
The lady was eventually honest that they wanted him and it was best for our cat as the noise was stressing him out, so he really wasn't happy with us.

It sounds like maybe your dc is doing the same to your cat.

What the hell?!
CherryPieSky · 08/07/2020 14:11

I'm amazed at some of these ridiculous replies. He is your cat, your pet and no, you don't just shrug and go ' ah well, bless him! Number 42 are feeding him prawns so he's better off there'

You knock on their door again and ask them again not to. And although you say he's not happy about it, I'd try and keep him in if possible. If not, knock on their door every time he's there.

CazzaCat · 08/07/2020 14:12

It’s disturbing to hear some people would give up their cat and not even know if the new owner would be providing adequate care and vet care. I’m baffled.

CazzaCat · 08/07/2020 14:13

@CherryPieSky totally agree. I would lose my shit before someone took my cat and do everything in my power to help my cat settle at home with me.

Original poster
Idontbelieveit12 · 08/07/2020 14:13

Well I’m totally stumped. Have just knocked on and very politely asked if they had seen our cat. She said he hangs around occasionally but she hasn’t seen him for a while. She’s either a very good actress or he isn’t going there. Not sure why the lady opposite would lie 👀 she has dogs that bark at cats so would not have him going in her house.

I will have tuna waiting for him next time he comes in. He has always been allowed to go upstairs out of the way but doesn’t seem to want to 🤔

OP posts:
CazzaCat · 08/07/2020 14:14

@AvoidingRealHumans so you let your cat sail off into the sunset and didn’t have a care in the world whether it was run over or cared for properly? Great!

Greydrapex · 08/07/2020 14:15

I absolutely hate people that do this with other people’s cats, it seems quite common! I’d be furious and definitely have a word with the neighbour. Why people think it’s ok to essentially steal someone’s cat is Beyond me! If it was a dog no one would dream Of it!

CherryPieSky · 08/07/2020 14:15

I'd also be telling them he's on expensive medication and a specific food allergy diet which makes him prone to explosive diarrhoea ...

Honestly, totally cheeky of them isn't it?

CazzaCat · 08/07/2020 14:16

@Knowhowufeel2 sounds like you weren’t really arsed about your cat to be honest!